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The Goon Ned: Any ned squad worth their kappas has a resident Goon ned, an oversized, vacant eyed galoot of sub-normal intelligence. Their purpose is appealingly simple: the physical protection of the squad. Where there are power vacancies within a squad, this ned will often take charge, a result of his physical prowess rather than his intellectual shrewdness. On the whole, however, the slightly smaller in stature hard man will take charge, and the Goon Ned will usually stick to what he's good at. Though these neds are easy to outwit, and it may be tempting to when face-to-chest with one, it isn't really worth a black eye, which is what you'll get, as physical aggression is the Goon Ned's answer to everything.
The Senga Ned: Like primitive tribes from stone-age times, each squad of neds will have their resident "senga neds". These female neds are quite distinctive in appearance. Senga neds wear pretty much the same clothes as the male neds when they are hanging around the streets or in bus stops, although this can dramatically change to pretty much no clothes if they are planning a trip to "the unders" or to the Moon night club. They are usually covered in bright gold jewelry and sporting gold name tags around their necks. People have been debating for years whether these name tags are to remind the senga of their name or to remind the male neds of the group what one he's "doin'" that night. Senga neds will also sport an abnormal number of gold chains round their necks along with an abnormal number of love bites. About half of all senga neds can be seen in the street usually pushing a pram with a number of children in it and a jacket hanging off of one handle of the pram and with a farm foods bag underneath it. No one knows what's in the farm foods bag. Spotting a senga ned in the street isn't very hard as they are usually heard before they are seen. It is common to hear a piercing shrill a couple of streets away indicating that a senga ned is mad at one of her males or an innocent girl who was passing by. Examples of the cries you may hear are "Av goat tae bring up 4 weans oan ma ain while your oot shaggin" or "whit the fuck were yay lookin at ma man fur ya 'nugly' cow". An aggressive senga is not a pretty sight so it's not advisable to approach one in the street at any time.
The Friendly Ned: This is a highly controversial ned to include but It has been spotted enough times to warrant an inclusion in this list. The friendly ned is a rare creature. It is unlikely that the friendly ned will exist in it's own right. It is more likely that a friendly ned is simply a common ned when he is in a squad of neds but transforms into a friendly ned when he is on his own. The friendly ned will usually be found on public transport and although it can seem slightly intimidating when they initially apporach you, it soon becomes obvious that this ned doesn't actually want to take your money or call you a dafty. He simply wants to participate in an irreverent conversation about football, drinking or fighting. These neds are not very dangerous but it may happen that occasionally when you have been engaged in a conversation with one of them that another common ned may approach causing a change in the friendly back to a common ned so they should be treated with caution. Friendly neds will usually always be male neds. It is extremely rare to find a friendly senga ned.
The Family Man Ned: This ned is predominantly found outside of the city centre. This ned will usually be seen making his way down the road pushing a pram, with at least two other small children trailing behind, on his way to the DSS. These children will almost certainly be fighting with each other or throwing stones at buses and so the family man ned will usually be shouting at them. "Michela, stoap flingin stanes at Charlene". This ned is slightly older than the other neds as he will have at least three children and can be considered as a good example of what happens to a young common ned who does not grow out of neddism. A ned can become trapped inside ned circles if he gets lumbered with a "wean", turning into a family man ned, usually at the ages of 13 to 15.
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