[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by luxinterior

Sure, I know of some families that have become like little tribes who I can't imagine ever being apart, but they are few. Spouses will turn on each other before their own children, and I do think blood is a factor in that, and whether it's the biological instinct or social ideals that make people prioritize like that isn't really the issue.

I'm not saying that non-relatives are incapable of forming bonds, whether they're based in friendship or romance or whatever. But I am saying that especially when things are going badly in such a relationship, each person has his or her own best interest in mind. Sometimes their best interest is to continue with the relationship, and that may be mistaken for wanting to save the relationship because you love so-and-so rather than wanting to save their own ass, and in many cases, avoid divorce at all costs because it is hell.

hm yes probably true in many cases. the best way to test a relationship is to put people into trouble & see what happens.

it's only when things go shitty that you can truly figure out who's who and where are the loyalties of your spouse/friend/ whatever.

madame !@#$%! & i have gone through some seriously tough times which thankfully are over. often the problem with young marriages. but this is the internet & i won't discuss details. i'll just support floatingslowly's statement (from other thread) that marriage is hard but worth it. oh it's hard, really hard.

however if you survive those troubles (a lot of people don't) your relationship comes out strengthened. fighting in front of the kids is ok i think as long as it's done in a constructive manner-- teach the kids how to argue.

but "turn on each other"... well yes i've seen horrible things happen in america that are unthinkable in other countries-- i think it's from that "every man for himself" mentality that people have & family comes seond. i'm not trying to demonize america of course, but this is the place where i've seen most disintegrated families due i think to an exacerbated individualism.

funny we're discussing marriages but most relationships tend towards that or else they collapse on the way.