Sonic Youth Gossip - View Single Post - I think I am gonna join the airforce reserves

SpectralJulianIsNotDead · 05.01.2007, 02:21 PM

!@#$%! I'm gonna send you a PM so maybe we could have a private conversation, there are some things that I might want to bring up that I shouldn't bring up in a public forum.

edit: Eh, actually I don't need to bring those things up because they aren't really important.

Well the reserves definitely aren't for me if I'm gonna end up in the middle east.

I'm just at a loss of what to do really.

People just seem to want me to be a worker drone "You're good at x, go back to school and become y" is what everyone tells me. I just don't really see the point, you know?

I just look at that life and it doesn't look like it is for me. Some of them don't make much money, some of them make a lot of money.

I think what I need to do is get a job and get a car. Then I can commute to the city and play a lot more shows and actually get paid for them, meet new musicians, jam with them, and keep doing the music thing. I don't really care if I make money. I just wanna do what I love. I don't want to be a little white collared worker like everyone else. I don't really mind living with my parents. If I just have enough money to pay for gas, keep new strings on my guitars and them all up to par and serviced, I think that would go a long way.

It is just hard for me to really take control of my life for some reason. I can tell myself what I need to do but I have a really hard time doing it. I'm 21 and I don't have a fucking license. I didn't get one when I was 16 because I had no friends and no reason. When I was 18 I tried to, but I almost got in 2 accidents and then later my wallet was stolen from me including my learner's permit. And that sort of traumatized me. Then I went to college for a year and didn't need one. Then when I came home I was a WOW addict until I turned 20.

I started to turn my life around by really delving into music and my parents were opening an antique store, so I was helping a lot with that and thought I could work there. . . but that didn't pan out. Meanwhile odd-jobs kept me afloat with cash to do what I needed.

Part of the problem is I just have a really hard time doing things, taking the big steps. I've always had a hard time pursuing girls, all that stuff. Sometimes I just need to say "I gotta do this today" but that isn't how a lot of things work. If I try to be patient, it turns into procrastinating and forgetting followed by depression followed by will by a need for patience once more and back into the loop.

05.01.2007, 02:21 PM	#9
SpectralJulianIsNotDead invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 7,409	!@#$%! I'm gonna send you a PM so maybe we could have a private conversation, there are some things that I might want to bring up that I shouldn't bring up in a public forum. edit: Eh, actually I don't need to bring those things up because they aren't really important. Well the reserves definitely aren't for me if I'm gonna end up in the middle east. I'm just at a loss of what to do really. People just seem to want me to be a worker drone "You're good at x, go back to school and become y" is what everyone tells me. I just don't really see the point, you know? I just look at that life and it doesn't look like it is for me. Some of them don't make much money, some of them make a lot of money. I think what I need to do is get a job and get a car. Then I can commute to the city and play a lot more shows and actually get paid for them, meet new musicians, jam with them, and keep doing the music thing. I don't really care if I make money. I just wanna do what I love. I don't want to be a little white collared worker like everyone else. I don't really mind living with my parents. If I just have enough money to pay for gas, keep new strings on my guitars and them all up to par and serviced, I think that would go a long way. It is just hard for me to really take control of my life for some reason. I can tell myself what I need to do but I have a really hard time doing it. I'm 21 and I don't have a fucking license. I didn't get one when I was 16 because I had no friends and no reason. When I was 18 I tried to, but I almost got in 2 accidents and then later my wallet was stolen from me including my learner's permit. And that sort of traumatized me. Then I went to college for a year and didn't need one. Then when I came home I was a WOW addict until I turned 20. I started to turn my life around by really delving into music and my parents were opening an antique store, so I was helping a lot with that and thought I could work there. . . but that didn't pan out. Meanwhile odd-jobs kept me afloat with cash to do what I needed. Part of the problem is I just have a really hard time doing things, taking the big steps. I've always had a hard time pursuing girls, all that stuff. Sometimes I just need to say "I gotta do this today" but that isn't how a lot of things work. If I try to be patient, it turns into procrastinating and forgetting followed by depression followed by will by a need for patience once more and back into the loop.
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