This made me smile even more:
Got your attention eh ? Fantastic!
Essentially:
Part 1 - Your needs:
(i) A Good Seeing To! – but would rather have a regular lover than a series of 1 night stands (insufficiency of transient pleasure/ health issues provide reason for this preference).
(ii) Have a desire to explore & not necessarily but possibly live out some unusual fantasies.
(iii) You would also like to find someone you connect with on multiple levels – possibly a ‘soulmate’
(iv) You need or could do with Free/cheap accommodation in London.
(v) Have a creative / unconventional outlook and would like to be with someone of a different background to explore something different…
If your needs match at least 3 out of 5 read on; if not, move on to the next ad.
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Part 2 - About you:
(i) Are Female (in the natural sense).
(ii) Have an openmind to try something unconventional.
(iii) Be Caucasian or of Latin / Hispanic / Middle eastern origin.
(iv) Presently reside in the UK (though your precise nationality is immaterial).
(v) Work and/or Study.
(vi) Be of 18-40 years of age.
(vii) Meet at least 3 of the above criteria in Part 1.
(viii) Like the idea of being with an emotionally intelligent guy with an IQ of 156.
(ix) Not an escort.
You must meet all the criteria in part 2: No ifs. No buts. If you do, read on. If not, please close this window & move on to the next ad.
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Part 3 - My needs:
Please refer to title:
Clarification:
(i) A Horny Soul mate and/or
(ii) Flatmate.
NB: “OR” indicates that you may require a roof over your head but not necessarily be horny. However the “And” option is the preferable one.
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Part 4 - About Me
• You should have already picked up a lot from my ad so far!
• Single Attractive Openminded Creative Unconventional City Professional with own place.
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Part 5 - What next?
(i) Providing Basic info: age; present location; occupation.
(ii) Sending a photo (face would be jolly good).
(iii) Number + Convenient time to call (ideal but happy to wait till your 2nd e-mail for this - though I do not wish to have countless e-mail exchanges).
You must suffice at least 2 of the 3 specified criteria in Part 5 in your first e-mail reply. Anything less would suggest the rate of development of our acquaintance to establish it’s natural equilibrium is significantly less than is viable given time constraints due to a heavy workload at my end.
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If you’ve managed to get this far and have survived my 5 filters, well done!
I may not be an easy lay but I’m a bloody good one!
Look forward to your reply.
Regards
JJ