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Originally Posted by sonicl
From a secret press release:
The members of the influential rock band "Sonic Youth" have announced that they will retire from the live arena with effect from the end of 2006, as they are finding the extensive travelling to be more and more tiring on their ageing bones. Drummer Steve Shelley is said to be distraught at the decision, as he says that there is no way that his bones could be considered ageing, but bassist Kim Gordon has said that her and her husband Thurston Moore's decision is final.
Lee Ranaldo has said that he sympathises with Shelley's distress, but that he too is tired of touring and is looking forward to spending more time with his cats and tending his garden.
Shelley is rumoured to be planning to recruit new musicians who will wear masks to make them resemble Gordon, Moore and Ranaldo, and an associate of the band says that he is in talks with members of Britney Spears' backing band with an aim to continuing the Sonic Youth live legacy.
Thurston Moore is said to be "apopleptic" at this idea and says that he will sue if Shelley attempts to cash in on the Sonic Youth brand by touring a band that contains none of the band's founder members. As a result of the falling out between the members, Shelley will be replaced by a cyborg on the band's forthcoming live dates.
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In case anyone cares to know, this is, in my opinion, my best post EVER.