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There is no doubting that these people come off as passive-aggressive, anal-retentive, fucked-up,
tight A$$es according to your account; that's for sure.
A few years ago, I had to live in an office for awhile (had a kitchenette though) because I was in-between leases. The guy that kicked me out (because he was getting married and selling the property) was an ex-pastor, no less.
Shit, I suppose you already have offered to sleep on the floor out of the way somewhere and stay out of the place most of the time already?
Maybe they could compromise and allow you to just sleep and store your things there tucked away during the interim and you could shower over at friends' places.
If all else fails, I suppose it's off to rotational couch-surfing or maybe the Salvation Army.
I've had to couch-surf around and keep my stuff in a friend's garage for awhile before. Not to make light, but it helps build character (maybe?).
You know what? Please do this. One time I was having money problems after a long-term girlfriend left my ass and I just wandered into a Catholic Church one afternoon while walking home from downtown. I went through the entrance into this sort of waiting area with pews in the large hallway after signing-in with a woman behind a cheap folding table (that they brought out on the days they did this sort of thing, I guess). Then, I was called in and I told the gentleman my general problems and woes. He patiently listened silently, and when I was through, he asked if there was maybe a bill in my name that the church could pay to help me out. Simple as that. He never asked anything else really. He never even asked me about how often I attend any services, ever being Catholic, being saved, or about perhaps considering being a member of their church. I went back the next day with the documentation and he cut me a check to the power company to pay a bill for which they had allowed me to accrue several months (this was years ago) of non-payment. Anyway, I've always been astonished by that act of charity. I know lots of Protestant churches offer free food banks and things, but my experience with that particular Catholic one was just wonderful...entirely non-intrusive and fully non-judgemental.
Anyway, just some ideas. Probably some you already have been unfortunately forced to think of yourself. At nine-thirty in the morning today a financial meltdown e-mail was unfortunately received. Luckily, begging off seems for the moment to have helped somewhat. [I originally typed more than a vague account of this, but deleted it.] Although, I'm not out of the woods just yet. I seem to spend a lot of time haha in said woods. It may still happen eventually as this year post-July has been atrociously bad and even worse than last year. I wish I had enough money to just buy some of your art.
Like you wrote yourself, "you need to calm the fuck down" because at the moment you're highly agitated. I would avoid violence or related drama. That's my advice, although you certainly have a right to be pissed. I know I would be and was severely upset when the similar circumstance happened to me.
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Jesus is just Alright
Talk nice and polite
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