[eatmychild]

I used to be really good friends with this guy, and over summer I just avoided him all the time. Anyway, praise be to god, he's going to the same uni as me, and he always hangs around with me. He assumes that whenever he wants, it's ok for him to stay and sleep in my room, and, AND, FUCKING AND, despite all the warnings we get about the penalties, and the fact that there's a smoke alarm in my fucking room, he wants to 'have sessions' where we smoke weed in my room, just because my room is closer to uni than his, and the window opens further.

I think there's like a 1/100 chance that he'll read this and know it's me talking about him. But either way, I'm too much of a coward to just confront him and tell him to fuck the fuck off and stop shitting in my ears and nose, so I'm just going to be a complete cunt when I'm around him, and try to be the worst person to hang around with.

In a perfect world, I'd get a sex change and plastic surgery and change accomodation and my name and probably migrate to Canada or somesuch to be completely untracable. Then I'd have to find out details of his life, spy on him and try to blackmail him anonymously.