[gmku]

Syn, use this as a first draft. Rewrite by striking out all abstracts such as sorrow and morbidity and substituting those with concrete images, even if they don't exactly fit or make sense. Sometimes the best poetry is that which doesn't make sense on first read. "I am tired of graveyards in the rain, of leaves in the gutter..."

Take out the "emotional" words and replace them with images.

And be careful of what seem like images but are just as abstract. It's hard to picture burning minds, for example.

This is a great start, a lot of fire to it, which is what you need. But the strength in poetry comes from the surprising image.