[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by luxinterior

The thing that makes me uncomfortable with Ryan is that I am going to have to see him in the future whether we go out or not. I'm just trying to avoid these awkward situations. This is why I try not to get involved with people who are "friends of the family." Also, I like my privacy. Jane has been trying to hook us up since I was 15 (unbeknownst to me until just recently), and the only objection Ryan had back then was that I was too young (but it was no matter, I found my own 19/20 year old even back then, heh).

I dated around a lot this summer, which is standard fare for Six Flags employees. It was no big deal. I did not know any of these people prior to getting hired there. I went out with people at the same time. It did not phase me, and I didn't worry about other people's feelings because most of it was more physical than anything else. This current situation is different for reasons I already explained. It's like Ryan has more invested in this than I do. I would totally go for it, too, if I hadn't met Robert. I am bad at cutting things off with people, if that's what I would have to do. I have had bad experiences in the past when I've tried to do that. Most of them can't come to terms with it and keep calling and stuff. That really makes me a nervous wreck. !@#$%, you know about some of the stuff that occurred when I was in Chicago, so think about it from that angle. Even when I tell people directly that I don't want to continue things the way they are, most of the time they don't listen. The Rob guy I talked about couldn't take it. The other day he gave me a DVD copy of Lawrence of Arabia for no apparent reason. I fucking have the fucking movie already, and he knew this, so what the hell was that about? It makes me really uncomfortable. I take different routes to get to class now so that I can avoid him. He sent me a voicemail the other day saying that he thought my haircut was "beautiful" even though I haven't exactly been on speaking terms with him lately. It's creeping me out. So I just try to be cautious, you know? This is my most persistent fear we are talking about. I appreciate your advice, and it is very possible that I am making a big deal out of nothing (probably the case), but past experiences have taught me differently and so I can't help but be extra careful.

oh, i see. sorry, i did not know that you had fear of the stalker in this case. get used to being gorgeous and pursued. well no. but you have to understand that a guy can be totally obsessed with a girl without being creepy or a threat. well maybe a little creepy, but ultimately harmless. once they see you with a boyfriend they will tend to back off.

i think i told you my wife had a stalker, no? before she and i met. he was a perfectly nice guy who would show up at her window and shit. i don't think he meant any harm, i met him once, he was really mellow and friendly. i even found out that he and i lived in the same apartment building, and then she moved in with me. but he never ever showed up at MY doorstep.

then again, i've chased women like mad, and people thought i was a stalker. nonsense, i tell you. i was just very young and horny and she was gorgeousisisima, and a wonderful poet. i plead the 5th. but anyway...

this girl whom i once chased also got spooked by me becasue some stalking asshole had left a knife on her door when she was a teenager. PTSD.

also there was this woman i went out with, a stalker broke into her house, they put him in jail.

so if you fear for your safety, that's another story. but you have a loony radar, don't you?

random question: do you have a tendency to attract desperate guys? i know this may sound mean, but sometimes being nice to everyone will give people the wrong idea. without being a bitch, you can be indifferent to those who show mild signs of psychopathology...

then also, if the whole ryan situation makes you uncomfortable, you definitely don't have to accept. just say or convey the message that you're seeing someone at this time, but thanks for asking. "maybe another time". having your relatives meddle in your love life is a throwback to the days of arrange marriages. that alone disqualifies him, in my eyes. having your dates set up by some old lady: creepy. especially for a guy. so if you wanna be kind, "hey thanks, but i'm seeing someone at the moment".

same thing with the stalkers. make up a fictional boyfriend, show them your autographed picture of willem dafoe, and chances are they might leave you alone.

but it's better to cut off insecure desperate people before thing snowball out of control. sniff them out. early warning systems FTW.