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Originally Posted by !@#$%!
oh, i see. sorry, i did not know that you had fear of the stalker in this case. get used to being gorgeous and pursued. well no. but you have to understand that a guy can be totally obsessed with a girl without being creepy or a threat. well maybe a little creepy, but ultimately harmless. once they see you with a boyfriend they will tend to back off.
i think i told you my wife had a stalker, no? he was a perfectly nice guy who would show up at her window and shit. i don't think he meant any harm, i met him once, he was really mellow and friendly. i even found out that he and i lived in the same apartment building, and then she moved in with me. but he never ever showed up at MY doorstep.
then again, i've chased women like mad, and people thought i was a stalker. nonsense, i tell you. i was just very young and horny and she was gorgeousisisima, and a wonderful poet. i plead the 5th. but anyway...
this girl whom i once chased also got spooked by me becasue some stalking asshole had left a knife on her door when she was a teenager. PTSD.
also there was this woman i went out with, a stalker broke into her house, they put him in jail.
so if you fear for your safety, that's another story. but you have a loony radar, don't you?
random question: do you have a tendency to attract desperate guys? i know this may sound mean, but sometimes being nice to everyone will give people the wrong idea. without being a bitch, you can be indifferent to those who show mild signs of psychopathology...
then also, if the whole ryan situation makes you uncomfortable, you definitely don't have to accept. just say or convey the message that you're seeing someone at this time, but thanks for asking. "maybe another time". having your relatives meddle in your love life is a throwback to the days of arrange marriages. that alone disqualifies him, in my eyes. having your dates set up by some old lady: creepy. especially for a guy. so if you wanna be kind, "hey thanks, but i'm seeing someone at the moment".
same thing with the stalkers. make up a fictional boyfriend, show them your autographed picture of willem dafoe, and chances are they might leave you alone.
but it's better to cut off insecure desperate people before thing snowball out of control. sniff them out. early warning systems FTW.
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You make a very, very good point about the desperate guys. I know that I do not treat these people any differently than anyone else. I don't baby them (which is so gross), or any of that. I have to wonder if they are used to female attention at all. That Rob guy has dated more people than I have, this I am sure of, so lack of female attention can't be his issue. But for some reason he still seems really sensitive about it all. I don't know if he makes up these things in his head, about how I may have liked him, or whatever. Because I did absolutely nothing to make this guy think that I was interested in him in any way. I treated him the exact same way when we were in high school, so I have no idea what changed in his mind. All I did was agree to see a movie with him, and it was at the last minute. He gave me about 10 minutes' notice, for godssake. Does that sound like a date to you? It didn't to me. I am accustomed to my friends giving me absolutely no warning when it comes to their plans involving me, so the only assumption I could make was that Rob was doing this same thing. What really bothered me about Rob, ultimately, was how he treated me like some helpless little girl. He acted like I couldn't do anything by myself, including driving the both of us in my car to go see this movie. He's one of those people who constantly asks, "Are you okay? Can I get you anything?" It just didn't stop. I can't handle that, it puts me on edge. There's a difference between being a helpful person and yes, being a desperate person. Again, you make a great point. I might be too nice just because I am usually nice to people I don't know very well.
I did not know about your wife's stalker, I don't think. It is very strange; in Theater Appeciation, we just finished reading
Boy Gets Girl, and it was so hard to get through because it brought back some memories I had tried to repress.
I doubt Ryan is the desperate type, he seems to together to really be that way. I'm not so much worried about that, I don't think. I just don't want to lead him on, and then chicken out if/when it comes time to cut things off with him.