Enjoyed your post, Johnny. It resonates and I'd like it if you could watch that (admitedly lengthy) youtube video I posted which may provide further assistance as far as taking control of the aspects of your life that are habitual.
Like floatingslowly remarks with the "basketweaving," I think it's constructive for anyone having issues to try and focus outside of yourself on something, maybe some craft or hobby or art or music.
And greedrex, I feel, provides some insight too with his account of post-travel existential anxiety.
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Originally Posted by Cantankerous
i do not want to be around anyone i know. at all. hence leaving without telling anyone where i was going so they won't come find me.
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I'm feeling this way too. I saw my neighbors outside and thought about not taking the garbage to the curb until they had gone back inside. But, hey, I'm not going to live my life like that, I tell myself. In the end, (refer to my previous posts) I wish I would have avoided them. That's what life is unfortunately like for depressed people. You just learn to avoid the other humans. Over time, AVOID! AVOID! AVOID! just tragically becomes the psychological imperative.
Once you've been crushed and your trust has been violated so many times, you just tend to start giving up on others. And since no person is an island, you end up giving up on yourself in turn.
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Originally Posted by Cantankerous
ALSO PLEASE PEOPLE, this is not a "lets take pity on cantankerous" thread at all. i just thought to start off the conversation. where this will go no one knows.
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It is usually good to get it all out though as you know. Sometimes, dredging up stuff can make things worse temporarily, however. At least such has been my experience. And I suppose that's why dealing with issues in a structured, professional environment, like !@#$%! suggests, may be a good idea. Although, ha (the cult of) Scientology preaches that most people in deep therapy have sexual relationships with their analysts; and although the percentage is probably not as high as the Scientologists maintain (it's a half-truth utilized for recruitment purposes in my view), it certainly does go on. So yeah, if you go for therapy, make sure to shop around for one that is hopefully knowledgeable and not a creep.