[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by lucyrulesok

Is it more important to accept yourself for who you are, or to try and change the things abour yourself that you don't like?

Recently I've been feeling pretty down about myself (like every other boardie seems to be too - I thought summer was supposed to be a happy time?) and I don't know whether I should just work on being happy with the way I am, or try and change my life (this would have to be a pretty radical change).

When and how do you know that your life is 'wrong' or 'bad' as opposed to just having a lack of confidence in yourself and the things you do?

Sorry just rambling a bit here, but it would be good to get some other opinions, it's really hard to look at your own life objectively.

it's more about escaping from the perfectionism/obsessiveness/judgment that we impose upon ourselves.

it all comes from having been socially programmed to earn love-- "if you're good mommy will love you" rather than learning unconditional love. i'm not saying your mom was like that, but the whole society is rigged to make us "earn" the esteem of others-- eventually we internalize the process and we do it to ourselves-- we hate ourselves when we fuck up, we gloat when we have some kind of supreme performance.

so we strive for better grades, great performances, a perfect figure, impeccable taste, whatever-- so that we can feel lovable.

that makes us slaves.

regardless of how great you do, you'll never please everyone-- so the key (i have learned) is to act as your own best friend-- when your best friend fucks up or has a lettuce in their teeth you don't say "hey you pig, you flawed, you faulty, i despise you and i hold you in contempt"-- right? well just like you accept your own best friends warts and all can you do that with yourself? stop judging? i guarantee you, you won't become a slob-- you'll simply free up the energy you waste in self-judging and you'll fall into more positive pursuits.

i swear.