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Originally Posted by !@#$%!
it's more about escaping from the perfectionism/obsessiveness/judgment that we impose upon ourselves.
it all comes from having been socially programmed to earn love-- "if you're good mommy will love you" rather than learning unconditional love. i'm not saying your mom was like that, but the whole society is rigged to make us "earn" the esteem of others-- eventually we internalize the process and we do it to ourselves-- we hate ourselves when we fuck up, we gloat when we have some kind of supreme performance.
so we strive for better grades, great performances, a perfect figure, impeccable taste, whatever-- so that we can feel lovable.
that makes us slaves.
regardless of how great you do, you'll never please everyone-- so the key (i have learned) is to act as your own best friend-- when your best friend fucks up or has a lettuce in their teeth you don't say "hey you pig, you flawed, you faulty, i despise you and i hold you in contempt"-- right? well just like you accept your own best friends warts and all can you do that with yourself? stop judging? i guarantee you, you won't become a slob-- you'll simply free up the energy you waste in self-judging and you'll fall into more positive pursuits.
i swear.
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you're right. absolutely.
i'm not going to hold myself in contempt and beat myself up for stupid mistakes i make or little things that i do. i'm human. i've got a right to make errors and everyone does it and worrying about it is a waste of time and causes a lot of harm and little good.
of course there's nothing wrong with correcting mistakes that you make, but it's okay to make them. and it's okay to improve upon yourself.
there's actually something that kurt cobain said that i think would be appropriate to mention...how some parents yell and scream and in some instances become physically abusive towards their children for making mistakes or having accidents, like spilling a drink or breaking something, and how that's a sick psychological trick to play on a child. which it is, because by doing that, they become conditioned to behave the same way towards their children and they beat themselves up for making insignificant errors.