[MellySingsDoom]

!@#$%! - Thanks for the reply. Re. my last part - I had loads of practical advice from friends, family etc, but trying to speak to people about how terrible I felt would get sympathy, but no real understanding. This would lead me to feel more pissed off/hateful towards myself, and so the cycle would continue. Being listened to without any prejudice or "you're not really that unhappy, pull yerself together" attitude is something that I found very hard to get. That plus wild paranoia (yes, I am aware of the contradiction I'm making here, but bear with me) would lead me to dismiss anything people said to me - I didn't feel they were really listening to me, so why should I listen to them? It's a horrible self-repeating cycle, which I finally managed to break out of. Again, really being listened to (and validated as an emotional being) is the most important thing that's happened to me in my life, seriously.