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I approve of this writing. I've a few minor criticisms - there's no need for the possessive apostrophe in "it's" - but generally speaking you're getting the narrative moving along nicely and quickly without losing characterisation. Also (and massive kudos for this) you're managing to use a future-y, sci-fi theme without it being gratuitously 'D&D geek wanking'.
I don't know about anyone else, but I absolutely hate when people treat sci-fi as a complete break with humanity in writing - I like to think the idea of a novel(la) is more about conveying human things rather than avoiding being able to create characters.
But yes - well done that man.
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Message boards are the last vestige of the spent masturbator, still intent on wasting time in some neg-heroic fashion. Be damned all who sail here.
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Originally Posted by Savage Clone
Last time I was in Chicago I spent an hour in a Nazi submarine with a banjo player.
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