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I think "my wife" is more acceptable than "the wife." With the first, although "my" does usually imply ownership, this isn't the case here. Many uses of "my" simply indicate the relation of your subject to yourself, i.e. my God, my school, my boss, etc.
To say "the wife" gives less honor to your subject. You have cut off her relation to you (even though the word "wife" still indicates that, grammatically you have done so) and have made her an object.
Even worse, a guy I work with says "the old lady," which I won't even get started on.
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"She hated people who thought too much.
At that moment, she struck me as an appropriate
representative for almost all mankind." - Kurt Vonnegut Cat's Cradle
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