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But that's after recording 1000 songs. So, fuck, everyone's going to have some amazing songs after 1000, unless it's the Smashing Pumpkins or something. But yeah. I really enjoy doing Robe., that's the happiest I've ever been with a band, because I feel like I could do anything. I feel like no instrument is frustrating to play anymore, because I am intelligent enough to implement it in such a way where no matter what bullshit I play, I can effect it enough where it sounds okay. I like that. That's what really attracts me to drone. At the end of the day, with drone music, the sum.. the whole.. it's all about the whole, not the sum. I mean, the way the piece moves, not the riffs or chords or notes or melodies or whatever. That sentence was stupid. But you know what I mean. You can do anything. It's limitless. I like piling on thick layers of darkness. I hate doing Scissor Shock now, I feel like it's too limiting, I'm only going to do one more album with that band probably. But Robe.!!... I think I have a bright future there. Just need to play live more. I hate playing live though. Never comes off the way I want it to and I'm too lazy and uncaring to purchase 500 effects pedals and huge ass $463676376 amps to make sound happen. That's all Sunn O))) is, you know. One finger riffs with expensive ass amps. I mean, it's ridiculous. With a loud enough amp.. that's all you need. The physical force of the sound. Don't get me wrong, I love Sunn. But they're really not doing anything that special. I'd rather listen to Niblock's guitar album. I love movies... I want to shoot an experimental film. I want to shoot MANY. Giuseppe Andrews is such a good director. He makes me happy. Him and Kitano!! But man.. I could never be THAT good. I think with music, there are no limits. I feel with film, even though the same could easily be said by anyone with common sense after only thinking about it for 5 seconds.......... but with film, I feel there are limits. I guess they're self-imposed but movies that lack direction usually lose people. Music can be directionless and still be okay to identify with. But a completely directionless movie? A movie made of random, incoherent images? Who's going to watch that shit? Go download NASTY FUCKING TITTY EATER off of archive.org and see how much you can watch of that. Just random images for 90 minutes. I love it but.. who else does? I constantly find that the more experimental movies I like are the ones every "normal" person hates. Whatever. It's just entertainment. I waste too much time on entertainment. I have plenty of money, I live in the woods, and I have access to decent drugs.. I don't want to do drugs that are too extreme... acid's about as extreme as I'd ever do.. but man, I love the woods. I truely love them, I should really enjoy myself more. I guess I just hate myself. I guess that's what happens when you strive to help people and constantly get walked on for being too nice. It's my own fault. I haven't had a bad life, despite the molestation and abuse when I was younger, but I've honestly forgotten about all that except being hit and it's not like it's fucked me up or anything. I think I have my head screwed on pretty straight, but have you ever noticed how many supposed "geniuses" have killed themselves? I think what intelligent people (and trust me, I'm no genius, but by using proper punctuation and spelling usually, I'm smarter than probably at least 75% of Americans) figure out is that life, ultimately, is pointless. I think it's my OCD. But I feel like I'm building and building and building.. but I'll never reach my goal. I guess that's really the strangest thing in my life. The feeling that I'll never be complete. And I hate it.
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