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My life sounds a bit similar to yours ZERO, except for the suicide bit, I'm more afraid that one day I'll explode because something will happen and everything will come out at once. I make sure there are things to look forward to, goals, things that make life fun - learning new instruments, learning another language, new Doctor Who episodes, the knowledge that in a few months I'll have found a band that interests me like only a few previously have.
Most of my time is spent either at school, doing work or being lost in my thoughts, and at home composing, listening to music and finding things that interest me. That bit about you not being able to say hello to the girl at school, I'm like that too (I wish I wasn't), which is why I don't really have a lot of friends, but I don't let it bother me anymore.
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