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I just mean that I find my girlfriend, in particular, more attractive when she's an awful human being to me. That doesn't mean our relationship is healthier, I just find her more sexually attractive. It probably can be linked to being abused when I was little. Maybe? I dunno. But I don't just mean, IN BED, she's mean to me. I mean, lots of people like that... I'm talking, she can make me cry in "real" life, during an intense argument, and then almost immediately I will pop a boner and just be like mmmm. Even as I'm crying. That's fucked up, I know, but it's true. I think I made a thread about it. The meaner she is to me, the more I want to bone her. I've noticed intense feelings of sexual urge towards her recently, and not just as some kind of weird defense mechanism (I doubt it, at least, even subconsciously). In other words, I'm not going "You're being mean to me, eh? Well, I'll fuck you real good and show you whose in charge" or something. It's not a power trip. I think I find the idea of anger attractive. Or perhaps I'm attracted to the passion (or lack therof) behind being a bad human being. Obviously, she has plenty of great qualities, but I tend to be more attracted when she's being... less attractive. Eh?
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