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I'm sorry, Derek -- I've been there before. I joke about suicide a lot, I have a very dark sense of humor, but I don't do it... I feel like music and movies and all that shit, I've taken it as far as it can go sometimes, and so I just get tired of it and have nowhere to escape, so I've fucked with drugs a lot but really, having done nearly every drug ever, the only one I can safely say I enjoy is popping a few hydros or oxys or morphine now and then.. so, really, you kinda look for an escape from your troubles and there isn't any.. I'm sick of music, all the movies I've seen are starting to blur together.. I've been painting but no one will ever understand or like my paintings, including myself, because I try to express the inexpressable.. I need to figure out one thing I'm really really good at and work hard to achieve my goals in that area... anyway, then I feel selfish.. and I've never been selfish.. but when i am just a little bit concerned with myself, everyone gives me shit for it..
Don't do the suicide thing man.. you found a cool girl, and even if you can't keep her, you should have the confidence to know that you can easily find another cool girl. Yes, being single is way better, and even if you have a girlfriend, you're going to want time apart..
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