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If I could threaten an honest appraisal of that, there's a bit too much qualification. 'Decompression' works as an allusion only if you remove the 'naturally' following. For me, SF works best when its world is allowed to be banal. Which you've done by throwing 'flown' in in an offhand fashion. Sandra's status as girlfriend will be presumed. 'Hovering' seems a weak description. The last sentence suddenly veers into something approximating Victorian style, solely due to using 'capricious'.
I say this with the caveat that I think you're probably capable of taking this criticism and telling me to fuck off without taking it to heart. And it's not necessarily bad, assuming you've got some arc/ structure for the narrative. I've tried short narrative fiction before, and it's an absolute fucker.
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Message boards are the last vestige of the spent masturbator, still intent on wasting time in some neg-heroic fashion. Be damned all who sail here.
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Originally Posted by Savage Clone
Last time I was in Chicago I spent an hour in a Nazi submarine with a banjo player.
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