[atsonicpark]

So, an update, I turn 24 tomorrow, and in the 4 years since making this post, and still not going to college, I have saved up $25,000 living at home -- and still paying bills, and giving my mom $2000 last year to help her pay off her debts that she never has to pay back -- and working part time at Wal-Mart. And I haven't just saved it all, I mean I've bought TONS of movies, cd's, books, instruments, etc. So, working part time at Wal-Mart does pay the bills, and then some. I don't have insurance, and I've went to the dentist consistently, and went to the doctor a few times and just paid with cash. Note that no one in my entire life has bought me shit... this computer, my car, etc... all that was bought by me. I'm not bragging -- anyone that works hard can achieve their goals, you just have to be patient. I also have $2000 in Wal-Mart stock, and another $2000 in my 401k plan there.

Meanwhile, all my peers are still in college, or dropped out, I know almost no one with a job, and nearly everyone I know is in debt. My ex-girlfriend cheated on me and broke up with me -- one of her reasons was that she couldn't be with someone who doesn't plan on "making anything" of himself, she said you HAVE TO go to college to get by in life. She got her degree recently, and has sat on her ass in Florida for 8 months because she can't find a job, she owes me $200 and has maxed out 2 credit cards and will likely be in debt the rest of her life, like her parents are.

Meanwhile, I have another "friend" who has went to college to DRAW (2D art) for years, works at a library sitting on his ass 16 hours a week, has had EVERYTHING handed to him his entire life, and yet is still in debt, with almost no bills, and pretty much hates his life, because he was convinced he had to go to college, but he has nothing to show for anything in his life, even only being a few months younger than me.

I have another friend who goes to college just to get money from the government, and he's going to take one college class every semester for the rest of his life, because he apparently knows a loophole where if you're taking at least one class, you won't have to pay back all that money. Him and his girlfriend together get $16,000 a semester, and are somehow broke within a month of getting the money, for 3 semesters now.

I have never went without what I've needed, and if I stay at wal-mart for a few more years, I'll be making $17 an hour. I still kinda want to be a secretary or something, but I'm STOCKING FROZEN TV DINNERS. It's the easiest shit in the fucking world. I am honestly thinking of quitting soon, and just relaxing for a while, especially with my mom recently contracting cancer... I've had to deal with tons of bullshit in the past year, and really, it's been the worst year of my life. I do need a break. But I am afraid of not being responsible...

I just kinda like not being responsible. I like to be able to have time to film movies and make music and do things with people. I don't want to ever make my job, or my career, my "life". Music and movies are my passion, not some shitty school, not some shitty job.

I drive the shittiest car ever, but it works. It runs. I can listen to music in it. I wear shitty clothes with holes in them. I haven't had a real haircut in 5 years. All I eat is ramen noodles and spaghetti. I play shitty squire shit. I buy tons of used shit, thrift stores and Big Lots are my best friends. I seriously think going to college would have been a really insanely stupid idea...

I'm not saying my plan is the only plan, I just am saying that I didn't listen to anybody -- family or friends, whatever, I went against everyone, and I have more to show for my life than anybody, without ANY help. I'm not really proud of it, because it's just common fucking sense, I'm not a genius. I just didn't let people control me and force me into something stupid. Meanwhile, every facebook post from my 30 year old friends and shit says things like, "Yea, life is terrible, I'm $5000 in debt!" every day, and it gets like 900 replies saying "yea man life sux, life sux." If I am smart about shit, I'll never have to worry about anything financially... that's a good feeling.

All it took was patience. That's it. If you do anything for long enough, consistently, whether it's being a filmmaker, or being a musician, or going to school, or working -- you will get noticed... you will get ahead, unless you're just incredibly stupid.

Am I happy in life? Financially, and creatively, yes. I have a great sex life, too. I need to work on moving out of this house, I guess.. my girlfriend is going to school to be a mortician. She only has a few more classes to take. So I'll finally be moved out within a year from now. Ack. I might just end up working until then, then quitting, we have a place we can live at for free for 11 months out of the year, and 1 month we'll have to go back to our houses. I'm going to take that opportunity to tour with Robe. and or Scissor Shock, since I've played tons of shows around the U.S. but never went on a big tour. I also want to direct some more movies, really go out and meet people.

I've got like 10 albums in the works, I've got another 10 movies or animated serieses in the works. That's really the best part of my life. I seriously feel like, creatively, I will never run out of ideas, about 20 have came to me while typing this. Like, I want to do a movie of nothing but still frames cut out. I will film a bunch of scenes. Print out the individual frames. Cut them out. Staple them together. Then make this huge flipbook. You know flipbooks right?And I will flip the flipbook in front of the camera. FOR THE WHOLE MOVIE.

Even though I'm a supernice guy, and extremely giving, a few of my peers use any opportunity they can to get jabs in at me, because they hate their lives and they want to feel better about themselves by insulting me, but they usually fall flat on their face. On the other side of the token, I feel like a lot of people only try to hang out with me because I have been mildly successful with the things I do. People use me like crazy. Well, not anymore. I don't let them. But they have in the past. I often just give away free movies and cd's and whatever. Objects don't mean shit to me. My guitar, my laptop, my camera -- what else do I need?

2010 has been a superexciting year for me. I found out VEnetian Snares is a fan of Blaze and will be in Blaze season 2. I finished my best movie to date, Currently Untitled. Robe. is in RUE MORGUE issue 100 this month, and the new album is on Crucial Blast. I am recording the best Scissor Shock stuff of my career. I am actually genuinely happy in some aspects, though not completely, probably because I do suffer from OCD/anxiety/whatever. My girlfriend has helped me a LOT... she's about a trillion times better than that last bitch, really. She's an angel. I guess this has been the best year since 1998, when I met Bill Gates and was playing Duke Nukem every day and I had my own N64 website and was writing a zine, and started Stagedive Suicide! Haha.

Anyway, just an update.. Hopefully, it can inspire someone. I always feel weird being so personal on here, but you guys are my friends, even my enemies are my friends, and I've been posting on here since I was 14.. so, yeah, I'll be 24 tomorrow. A decade on this board... (well, maybe not this board... but the board, in general) So, yeah, I dunno.

Never let anyone tell you what to do in life, make your own way. We all need a little direction, but a little common sense goes a long way. There is no easy way to get by, no quick way to get everything you need -- be patient and work hard and be friendly and keep only a few people close to you, and you'll be just fine.