[ni'k]

why is it feel so timid about saying things then? why is it that i stop half my posts before i finish writing them? the atmosphere here of real hostility to thinking about the time you are wasting is mostly what comes to mind. the really strong and vicious need for people to make it all meaningless. this is culturally demanded of them, but then you have to ask, why even listen to music or care about art in the first place then? is it because its a sphere that demands no actual commitment and attachment and thus is safe for your irony/nihlilism mechanism to flourish? is it because you want to prove you know what you're talking about without actually thinking about anything or doing anything? i guess this is because people have been shamed into viewing any of their enthusiasms or attachments as something they are supposed to be embarrassed about, for fear of looking earnest. and i guess this is because they don't like to feel powerless or small, and/or get really confused and thus angry about what it is they actually get out of culture but lack the means to express, and thus what it is they really want.

but if you show up here and speak in order to project a position of being totally above and unattached to everything, yet totally aware of all culture and in touch with the coolest newest hippest trends by the fact that you do nothing but slag them off, then you will be massively looked up to. because you appear to be saying "there is something that is so great, but its not that" all the time. and people believe you and want to be you, because it makes them imagine the culture they consume is more important than it is, and gives them the narcissism of a position of serious taste. yet i don't often see the people that do this actually back it up by showing any of us what it is they DO listen to or watch, and why.

but have we really gotten to a point were most of us can only partake in destroying and shouting down culture, of our own accord? do we have to act like cops making everything necessarily meaningless? is it because we don't like the meaning we think the things we consume have? is noone interested in changing it? do people still read vice magazine and live in fear of appearing in the don'ts section? are you really that afraid? is the point of culture now something akin to a flimsy plaster that needs to be constantly reapplied in order to stop the subject from feeling bad and collapsing in a total emotional crisis? are people really that duped into seeing a culture that encourages selfishness as a sign of their own limitless potential power if only they CHOOSE to make things all better? have they really bought into that guilty trap so much that now everything HAS to be meaningless and noone can be allowed to think? i think people almost need culture now to make themselves believe THEY are the ones who are real, rather than the other way around. i think they are mistaking their own part in the cycle of product into profit as a self which should open up a realm of potentiality that it never actually can, and they should be able to control, and so they end up inevitably dissapointed and angry when they can't. what is important now, is that even if you are addicted to something, it be because you choose to be, that it be the outcome of some aspect of your self. and people don't see how this works to keep them in their place and to shift blame onto them, so they dont question their material coniditions. thats what i think we call democracy today ha. maybe its part of the confusion of a culture that likes to pretend noone is in charge and that everyone can do whatever they want.

its frustrating, and those that want to stay stupid and closed off are winning. some moderation would be nice, but that is not going to happen. i'd say if im honest, the majority of people here are idiots, and i dislike almost everything they say and do not ever enjoy reading it. then there are petty grudges that certain people don't ever forget, and so they follow you from thread to thread trying to snipe and get their comeuppance. if i said i was going to leave forever i'm sure i'd get a few "fuck off then, bye" comments, (which would only convince me i'm saying the right thing btw). then there are some other people here i feel quite sorry for, and i mean that. they are trapped in their own selves and cant see any other way but proving how they do exactly what they want and fuck you to everyone else. very destructive.

then there are some that want very badly for you to find them annoying, and to get at you, nearly always miserable males. incredibly selfish assholes who have never been told to shut the fuck up and feel entitled to be the only ones allowed to speak and to fight everyone else off so that the only truth is their miserable self. these people could really really benefit from a good slap in the face and gag over the mouth by someone, preferrably a female, so that they could learn if they only shut up and stopped being so completely selfish they might learn something and not go around in circles of isolation and inner rage. this place is mostly were certain alt white people go to prove they know everything and don't need to think or learn anything else. its the same 90's cynicism we all know so well, and which still hasn't died. its just a comforting vice that means nothing now.

as others have said, the obsession of the age seems to be authenticity, precisely because we all know it is inauthentic, it arises from the point when selfishness becomes so strong it becomes meaningless and destructive, so the point is not to prove what you are or what you do but to show how you really mean it, and do it because you do, for the sake of your own selfishness. so that we get people revelling in their own shit trying to prove that its what they want. its like bill hicks's "i don't quit smoking because i hate non smokers and would rather suffer than loose my identity" schtick has become the accepted "wisdom" and ideology of the era. so people go to ridiculous lengths to prove to each other that whatever the fuck they are doing its because THEY WANT TO ok? so we get the valorisation of how fucked up you've been on drugs because its so REAL apparently. not a good trap to fall into, trust me.

now you can take everything i've said as the wise observations of a clever and superior mind, which isn't exactly something i would HATE to discourage, or you can be a bit more realistic and less flattering and realise i am speaking from a mixture of experience AND observation of behaviour i haven't been immune from in other people.

what i want is some different structure of internet site. one that allows for participation of other people, so you're not just talking to yourself, but also weeds out the flippant and trollish. one that isn't as limited as any blog i could do would be, because other people are posting links to interesting things you havent come across yourself all the time. i'm still not sure what this format might be and what it needs to be like to encourage culture and thought to flourish, but i know that it has to bridge the gaps between personal blog, live chat and message board in a way that i haven't seen anywhere else yet. because i am not going to sit on fucking facebook reading about your sandwich.

i can't see this getting a terribly positive or interested reaction, but i'm sure if anyone does pay attention it will be to show they can give the opposite reaction of what i've suggested they might. so if you're going to just say "the board is fine, whatever, you think too much, shut up, you suck, blah blah, here's 1 point about nothing that proves you're wrong" then don't bother please. we aren't that predictable yet, are we?