While looking for accomodation, I've found this jewel:


Hello there

I'm an attractive city lawyer offering accommodation, free of charge to an attractive female in exchange for 'intimacy' ...with a view and hope that the excitement of the initial setup will evolve into something equally fulfilling but perhaps on a more conventional footing - without necessarily losing the deeply satisfying undercurrents of the unorthodox initial arrangement however...!

Nationality is unimportant.... I have a preference for women with a domineering side but this isn't essential...though I would also be interested by the prospect of meeting a female with a submissive streak....

The accommodation itself is part of a comfortable 4 bedroom house & well situated in terms of transport links in the north west suburbs of London...It is normally priced at £430pcm per room: but of course, you would not be paying that.

If this is of interest and/or you would like to know more, drop me a line…

Regards

R

[SynthethicalY]

So beasically be a sex slave for free rent?

[king_buzzo]

Lolz, I chuckled.

[sonicl]

I haven't had any takers yet.

[screamingskull]

Look it's R and he's pissed!!!

 

[Richard Pryor on Fire]

Everybody needs somebody sometimes...

[pbradley]

I wish there was an attractive chick that would take me in exchange for sexing.

It's like two birds with one stone... you know, minus the dignity.

[deathbyfeedback]

i want that number. this is prank call gold.

This made me smile even more:

Got your attention eh ? Fantastic!

Essentially:

Part 1 - Your needs:

(i) A Good Seeing To! – but would rather have a regular lover than a series of 1 night stands (insufficiency of transient pleasure/ health issues provide reason for this preference).
(ii) Have a desire to explore & not necessarily but possibly live out some unusual fantasies.
(iii) You would also like to find someone you connect with on multiple levels – possibly a ‘soulmate’
(iv) You need or could do with Free/cheap accommodation in London.
(v) Have a creative / unconventional outlook and would like to be with someone of a different background to explore something different…

If your needs match at least 3 out of 5 read on; if not, move on to the next ad.


----------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 2 - About you:

(i) Are Female (in the natural sense).
(ii) Have an openmind to try something unconventional.
(iii) Be Caucasian or of Latin / Hispanic / Middle eastern origin.
(iv) Presently reside in the UK (though your precise nationality is immaterial).
(v) Work and/or Study.
(vi) Be of 18-40 years of age.
(vii) Meet at least 3 of the above criteria in Part 1.
(viii) Like the idea of being with an emotionally intelligent guy with an IQ of 156.
(ix) Not an escort.

You must meet all the criteria in part 2: No ifs. No buts. If you do, read on. If not, please close this window & move on to the next ad.


----------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 3 - My needs:

Please refer to title:

Clarification:

(i) A Horny Soul mate and/or
(ii) Flatmate.

NB: “OR” indicates that you may require a roof over your head but not necessarily be horny. However the “And” option is the preferable one.


----------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 4 - About Me

• You should have already picked up a lot from my ad so far!
• Single Attractive Openminded Creative Unconventional City Professional with own place.


----------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 5 - What next?

(i) Providing Basic info: age; present location; occupation.
(ii) Sending a photo (face would be jolly good).
(iii) Number + Convenient time to call (ideal but happy to wait till your 2nd e-mail for this - though I do not wish to have countless e-mail exchanges).

You must suffice at least 2 of the 3 specified criteria in Part 5 in your first e-mail reply. Anything less would suggest the rate of development of our acquaintance to establish it’s natural equilibrium is significantly less than is viable given time constraints due to a heavy workload at my end.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
If you’ve managed to get this far and have survived my 5 filters, well done!

I may not be an easy lay but I’m a bloody good one!

Look forward to your reply.

Regards

JJ

[_tunic_]

I'm interested!

 

[iFreezeTime]

haha, you find this on craigslist?

*goes to look for another gem from craigslist*

[iFreezeTime]

From Craigslist Missed Connections:

I caught a glimpse of you in the alley beside the bar. Your friend was holding back your red fire hair. I stopped to stare and imagined myself in her shoes, running my hands through the red satin falling down your back. The ends a little wet, but I don't notice as I rub your back through the hitching and convulsing. When you can stand again, I won't mind kissing you. Once again a little wet, but any chance to lay my lips against the lucious fruit of your mouth is the kind of bitter sweet experience I would have come to expect.

I wanted to stride confidently down that hobo feces covered alley, knock your friend to the ground, and tell her to "beat it." I'd be there to take care of you from now on. If she protested, I would step on her chest and be more firm.
But instead I just walked passed with my head down. A coward.

I love you, you sloppy drunk siren. Don't ever change