[NWRA]

This is how I think I would fare in a fight with each of these British celebrity chefs:

Anthony Worral Thompson:

Anthony is small and overweight but vicious, like a terrier dog. I duck his wild lunges, and hit him with a few playful jabs, emphasising my superior speed. After a couple of minutes, I see that the grizzled chef is starting to look flustered, so I hit him with a big uppercut for the K.O. verdict.

Verdict: WIN (K.O.).


Gary Rhodes:

Girlish nips and scratches from Gary cause me mild discomfort, before I hit him with a meaty uppercut which leaves him withering on the floor like an upturned woodlouse.

Verdict: WIN (K.O.).


Keith Floyd:

Alcoholic Keith has a feral fighting style which mainly involves biting. I immediately try to stun him with a left hook but he blocks it, grabs my arm and gnaws on it. I scream in pain, then repeatedly punch him in the back of the head with my right fist until he lets go. I connect with my next left hook, then hit him with a mighty uppercut to finish an ugly fight.

Verdict: A hard-fought WIN (K.O.)


Nigella Lawson:

I’m unsure about how to approach this fight. I don’t want to hit a woman but I don’t want to appear weak, so I point out that her name is stupid and sounds like a nickname for an effeminate boy.

She replies by calling me uncouth. We start to furiously trade insults, both getting heated, our voices rising in volume and pitch, until we sound like two adulterers having a pre-sex argument.

Then our voices slow to a whisper, and then a stop. We laugh and stare at each other... tear each other’s clothes off and have an animal-like romp.

Afterwards she is getting undressed and I can't resist upholding my K.O. record, so I hit her in the back of the head.

Verdict: An easy if immoral WIN (K.O.).


Jamie Oliver:

Cheeky 'mockney' Jamie is immediately pleading for mercy, whining about all of the good work that he has done for children and reformed criminals. I don't want to listen, grab his head and flush it down the toilet until he taps out. Service is resumed.

Verdict: An easy but satisfying WIN (by SUBMISSION).


Marco Pierre White:

I'm expecting Marco to forfeit the fight before it has even started, to protect his Gaelic good looks. So I'm surprised when Marco hits me with a massive right hook, using all of his surprising strength - he's suffered a frustrating day in the kitchen and wants to take out his frustration on me.

I'm beaten senseless for nearly five minutes before I manage to block a few of his swings, and hit him back. I then get into my stride and start to dominate, my superior strength coming into play, before the fight is broken up by a fleet of Policemen.

As we are bundled into separate Police cars, we catch each other's attention and both nod: a nod of mutual respect between two warriors.

Verdict: MUTUAL RESPECT.

[Crumb's Crunchy Delights]

what you talking about fool

nigella is a hot milf, for sure

[!@#$%!]

i didnt read that long post cos i didnt recognize those names but i'd love to wrestle nigella hmmm oh yeah she'd wear a tight sweater and after i pin her to the ground i'd pull it off to unmask her oh yes-- lucha libre, baby

[the ikara cult]

Floyd would have ANYONE, he'd drink them under the table then push them over. A little like Homer Simpson in that episode where he's a boxer

And Nigella would seduce you then kill you, like that scene in Battle Royal.

[Crumb's Crunchy Delights]

haha. i didn't read any of the post either. nigella just leapt out at me, like she has done in many daydreams. she jumps out at me and makes me bury my head in her chest. then i pass out from the smell of woman and she eats my winkle dinkle in a sandwich. but she doesn't really eat it, she eats the bread but just licks the mayo off of charles (the name i call my winkle dinkle, and coincidentally nigellas real life husbands name). then she makes me a lovely dinner involving plum tomatoes and fresh basil, and we sit and watch reruns of happy days and rub each others feet, but not too gently because thats unbearably tickly, so its firm rubbing

[the ikara cult]

Originally Posted by Crumb's Crunchy Delights

haha. i didn't read any of the post either. nigella just leapt out at me, like she has done in many daydreams. she jumps out at me and makes me bury my head in her chest. then i pass out from the smell of woman and she eats my winkle dinkle in a sandwich. but she doesn't really eat it, she eats the bread but just licks the mayo off of charles (the name i call my winkle dinkle, and coincidentally nigellas real life husbands name). then she makes me a lovely dinner involving plum tomatoes and fresh basil, and we sit and watch reruns of happy days and rub each others feet, but not too gently because thats unbearably tickly, so its firm rubbing

But youd always think of her dad... thats the disadvantage. Yummy Mummy and all, but she's only one letter away from being Nigel Lawson

[Crumb's Crunchy Delights]

Originally Posted by the ikara cult

But youd always think of her dad... thats the disadvantage. Yummy Mummy and all, but she's only one letter away from being Nigel Lawson

2 letters surely

[the ikara cult]

Originally Posted by Crumb's Crunchy Delights

2 letters surely

semantics...

Wash the cucumber, Wash the cucumber...

[Crumb's Crunchy Delights]

Originally Posted by the ikara cult

semantics...

spelling surely?

[the ikara cult]

Originally Posted by Crumb's Crunchy Delights

spelling surely?

youre not looking at the cucumber
concentrate on the cucumber

[Crumb's Crunchy Delights]

from nigellas last book:

 

[the ikara cult]

A whole week!

Originally Posted by NWRA

This is how I think I would fare in a fight with each of these British celebrity chefs:

Anthony Worral Thompson:

Anthony is small and overweight but vicious, like a terrier dog. I duck his wild lunges, and hit him with a few playful jabs, emphasising my superior speed. After a couple of minutes, I see that the grizzled chef is starting to look flustered, so I hit him with a big uppercut for the K.O. verdict.

Verdict: WIN (K.O.).


Gary Rhodes:

Girlish nips and scratches from Gary cause me mild discomfort, before I hit him with a meaty uppercut which leaves him withering on the floor like an upturned woodlouse.

Verdict: WIN (K.O.).


Keith Floyd:

Alcoholic Keith has a feral fighting style which mainly involves biting. I immediately try to stun him with a left hook but he blocks it, grabs my arm and gnaws on it. I scream in pain, then repeatedly punch him in the back of the head with my right fist until he lets go. I connect with my next left hook, then hit him with a mighty uppercut to finish an ugly fight.

Verdict: A hard-fought WIN (K.O.)


Nigella Lawson:

I’m unsure about how to approach this fight. I don’t want to hit a woman but I don’t want to appear weak, so I point out that her name is stupid and sounds like a nickname for an effeminate boy.

She replies by calling me uncouth. We start to furiously trade insults, both getting heated, our voices rising in volume and pitch, until we sound like two adulterers having a pre-sex argument.

Then our voices slow to a whisper, and then a stop. We laugh and stare at each other... tear each other’s clothes off and have an animal-like romp.

Afterwards she is getting undressed and I can't resist upholding my K.O. record, so I hit her in the back of the head.

Verdict: An easy if immoral WIN (K.O.).


Jamie Oliver:

Cheeky 'mockney' Jamie is immediately pleading for mercy, whining about all of the good work that he has done for children and reformed criminals. I don't want to listen, grab his head and flush it down the toilet until he taps out. Service is resumed.

Verdict: An easy but satisfying WIN (by SUBMISSION).


Marco Pierre White:

I'm expecting Marco to forfeit the fight before it has even started, to protect his Gaelic good looks. So I'm surprised when Marco hits me with a massive right hook, using all of his surprising strength - he's suffered a frustrating day in the kitchen and wants to take out his frustration on me.

I'm beaten senseless for nearly five minutes before I manage to block a few of his swings, and hit him back. I then get into my stride and start to dominate, my superior strength coming into play, before the fight is broken up by a fleet of Policemen.

As we are bundled into separate Police cars, we catch each other's attention and both nod: a nod of mutual respect between two warriors.

Verdict: MUTUAL RESPECT.

You made it a little too easy for yourself. If you were walking in Mayfair at night and you decided to turn round the corner while Gordon Ramsay was waiting for you carrying a liquidizer with his hands, I bet you'd run fast.

Originally Posted by NWRA

This is how I think I would fare in a fight with each of these British celebrity chefs:

Anthony Worral Thompson:

Anthony is small and overweight but vicious, like a terrier dog. I duck his wild lunges, and hit him with a few playful jabs, emphasising my superior speed. After a couple of minutes, I see that the grizzled chef is starting to look flustered, so I hit him with a big uppercut for the K.O. verdict.

Verdict: WIN (K.O.).


Gary Rhodes:

Girlish nips and scratches from Gary cause me mild discomfort, before I hit him with a meaty uppercut which leaves him withering on the floor like an upturned woodlouse.

Verdict: WIN (K.O.).


Keith Floyd:

Alcoholic Keith has a feral fighting style which mainly involves biting. I immediately try to stun him with a left hook but he blocks it, grabs my arm and gnaws on it. I scream in pain, then repeatedly punch him in the back of the head with my right fist until he lets go. I connect with my next left hook, then hit him with a mighty uppercut to finish an ugly fight.

Verdict: A hard-fought WIN (K.O.)


Nigella Lawson:

I’m unsure about how to approach this fight. I don’t want to hit a woman but I don’t want to appear weak, so I point out that her name is stupid and sounds like a nickname for an effeminate boy.

She replies by calling me uncouth. We start to furiously trade insults, both getting heated, our voices rising in volume and pitch, until we sound like two adulterers having a pre-sex argument.

Then our voices slow to a whisper, and then a stop. We laugh and stare at each other... tear each other’s clothes off and have an animal-like romp.

Afterwards she is getting undressed and I can't resist upholding my K.O. record, so I hit her in the back of the head.

Verdict: An easy if immoral WIN (K.O.).


Jamie Oliver:

Cheeky 'mockney' Jamie is immediately pleading for mercy, whining about all of the good work that he has done for children and reformed criminals. I don't want to listen, grab his head and flush it down the toilet until he taps out. Service is resumed.

Verdict: An easy but satisfying WIN (by SUBMISSION).


Marco Pierre White:

I'm expecting Marco to forfeit the fight before it has even started, to protect his Gaelic good looks. So I'm surprised when Marco hits me with a massive right hook, using all of his surprising strength - he's suffered a frustrating day in the kitchen and wants to take out his frustration on me.

I'm beaten senseless for nearly five minutes before I manage to block a few of his swings, and hit him back. I then get into my stride and start to dominate, my superior strength coming into play, before the fight is broken up by a fleet of Policemen.

As we are bundled into separate Police cars, we catch each other's attention and both nod: a nod of mutual respect between two warriors.

Verdict: MUTUAL RESPECT.

By the way, this one of the funniest threads that I've read on here in a while. Well done, chap.

[floatingslowly]

although I didn't have time to read this yesterday, pork's testimonial made me have a look.

god I'm glad you beat Jamie Oliver. something about him gets under my skin and I suspect he's a hardcore Happy Mondays fan. fucking Happy Mondays.

Cool, baby. I can't remember when was the last time that I read someone's post and laughed out so loud like I did when I've opened this thread.

[tesla69]

In a recent interview on CNBC with Ron Insana, one of the “old-timer”funds manager, Julian Robertson, predicted “utter global collapse” as a consequence of the bursting of the world-wide property bubble.
Often called “Never Been Wrong Robertson”, the former head of Tiger Management (once the largest hedge fund in the world), is extremely worried about the speculative bubble in real estate.
Specifically, he is very worried about a world that is sustained by American consumer spending which is in turn 1/4 sustained by a property bubble. He predicts that 20 million people could lose their homes once the property bubble bursts.
Even more worrisome, he thinks central banks around the globe out of desperation will try to re-inflate the world economy with more liquidity that will create an inflationary spiral unseen in the economic history of mankind. “Where does it end?”, Insana asked Robertson. “Utter global collapse,” he answered. But not just economic collapse … collapse of epic proportions. Collapse and disintegration of all infrastructure, including government. Inflation will run into the double and triple digits. “Food production will fall. People will be carrying around U.S .
dollars in wheelbarrows like Germany,” he said.
There will be “total collapse of public infrastructure. Total collapse of medical care systems. All public pension plans, Social Security will collapse. All corporate pension plans will collapse.”
“The American consumer is effectively now supporting the rest of the planet,” he continued. “Consumption rates in all other nations are falling, have fallen to the point that the tax revenues to governments, that the business and industries those nation states are providing is now a net negative number relative to total debt service and public cost, that this exists in virtually every nation state on the planet now.”
And for much of this “doom”, interestingly, he blames the Bush-Cheney “regime”. “They have now consolidated power and money on the planet to the maximum extent possible. The planet’s net liquidity, that is its, net free cash flow. Is now a negative number. The planet is not simply sinking into a sea of red ink; it is already sunk. The people just don’t realize it yet,” he said.
According to Robertson, “the Bush-Cheney regime is preparing the nation for transition from democracy into dictatorship because a dictatorship will be necessary to control, in 5 years time, food and water riots.” He said “the federal government, that part of Patriot II Act, the internal exile, that the government is going to have to build now huge detention compounds on federal lands, probably in the West where the land is available, to potentially house 50 million or more citizens that will be in financial ruin.”
In 10 years time, whoever is left will be effectively starting again, he said. “More importantly, and I’m trying to think how we imply this or how we express this to the people, what extraordinary times we are living in and how the destruction of the planet has been engineered by the Bushonian Cabal from 1980 to 1992, and then from 2001 to present, which has effectively destroyed the economic liquidity of the planet,”
he said.
Robertson ended the interview by saying that he hopes he is not alive to see this. “The lucky ones are the ones who are my age now,” he said.

[PAULYBEE2656]

how about against that heston charles blummefeld whatever guy. the guy that makes his vingearette s in a cement mixer?