[hey alex]

I'm feeling ever out of place-- at least today, but often other times as well.

I'm currently in transition from a place i've been stuck in for awhile-- a college drop out who went back home, got his old job back (at a quiznos- not too high respect or work), and eventually broke up with his girlfriend when she became long distanced by going to the college that he left. Now I'm in the midst of making changes-- such as a car and then a new job... but I also wanna just go and leave un barred by the financial and social strains that everyone must consider-- often not realizing the consideration and having an 'ok' lined up and ready-- there you go!

For one semester of college I owe over 3,000 and also pay nearly 50 a month for a cell phone (ending that soon) and then insurance for my coming car (i currently pay 50 a paycheck for use of my parent's)... It all seems rather absurd to me. While I value education and would've liked to continue school- I don't see my years going to good use. I see them going to a sheet of paper saying i'm qualified for a job that well pay them back. I wanted to go to school to be an artist, not in debt... and I already consider myself the former. So I decline furthering the latter.

But since I've been out of school and at home- over one year, since the end of the fall 05 semester- i haven't done anything... at least not much. I've made 2 cds and am working on a third. Filled several journals with writing and, better yet as it not just for my amusement, drawing ranging from abstractions (drug induced and otherwise) to scenery of my hometwon- louisville, ky. But I'm so sick of louisville and there's hardly anyone hear to take note of anything i've done. And while I admit what i've done has been developmental to something bigger and out of my current grasp-- it's a bit discerning to be producing for yrself and have no one to back up/collaborate.

This is why i want to leave louisville-- and i think maybe my old college town. All my friends are there. Most of them anyways-- the ones here are often drugged or are old highschool friends who couldn't give me the time to call me that since we graduated. But i've also got the problem of living- no where to- this is the down part of crossing a loved one- but nightly shelter woul;dn't be worth a third round of confusion and fall out-- i'm already going to have to have two ways of venom if i go down there at all.


Now that I laid down that long rant/set-up I come to the question-- or a general ponderance.

What do you do with your life if you don't do college?

Do you except the menial jobs and watch as everyone else you know reaches for that higher education?- even if they don't need it? Colleges have high enrollment, and with so many wanting in it's easy to boot the price up a few hundred every year-- everyone takes loans and grants (FAFSA won't allow me the latter) and then how many will actually make it? Most people just seem to go on the mere notion that there's no other choice or that you NEED it to get on... and of course this is reflected, but only because the apparition has been posed by the populace. And I seem to be no big defense for my choice seeing as I myself am lost in it-- I'm 20 years old and almost outside the brink of my former ring of society-- i can't relate to them anymore- all i do is my job and art- the first being forgein to them and depressing to me and the latter usually just cool to look at or hard to understand/present. Of course if i went back to school and did a visual arts program I could sucker myself back in with old friends AND get the 'credibilty' to warrant someone giving me an exhibit and charging 500 for a sketch of some corner of a wall.



At this point I realized i've more so just laid out ranting without much questioning and much less making any final point... which isn't too bad. It was fun to write-- longwinded as it is still blowing... and now i'm showing a slowing and let i'll my words come halting so you may reply a reflection or kind of disection-- maybe even provide words of direction- for, as you may've gathered, i've lost my way and have become a little bitter- not a way i like to be- i like things better- no best in the worst.

[screamingskull]

you gotta move, and every thing's gonna be okay

[hey alex]

That's what I figured is the best thing to do-- but i'm a bit nervey on it. Because I feel if i have trouble getting into any kind of action here, then how well i fare out on my own in some unknown town? Of course the college twon takes out the unknown factor for a very small town- probably a good launch pad though.

[screamingskull]

Originally Posted by hey alex

That's what I figured is the best thing to do-- but i'm a bit nervey on it. Because I feel if i have trouble getting into any kind of action here, then how well i fare out on my own in some unknown town? Of course the college twon takes out the unknown factor for a very small town- probably a good launch pad though.

Take a month or two, decide where you want to move to, research the place like crazy, save as much money as you can, maybe even visit it first. Then move! try moving somewhere where the pace is a little faster than your current town, if things are moving around you then you will start moving forward too.

[hey alex]

Originally Posted by screamingskull

Take a month or two, decide where you want to move to, research the place like crazy, save as much money as you can, maybe even visit it first. Then move! try moving somewhere where the pace is a little faster than your current town, if things are moving around you then you will start moving forward too.

I've given that a thought--- I think me and some friends are going to try and road trip this summer. I figured while we were out going to see an ocean I'd try and see if i enjoyed a town or two- maybe meet some people so that I have some connection for the future.

And once i get my car iwas going to pick up a second job for the next few months and save crazy--- which will take away from my music and art time-- but also take away from my pot smoking and do nothing time-- like now.

[screamingskull]

Originally Posted by hey alex

I've given that a thought--- I think me and some friends are going to try and road trip this summer. I figured while we were out going to see an ocean I'd try and see if i enjoyed a town or two- maybe meet some people so that I have some connection for the future.

And once i get my car iwas going to pick up a second job for the next few months and save crazy--- which will take away from my music and art time-- but also take away from my pot smoking and do nothing time-- like now.

Have you never seen the ocean before? You kinda sound like a typical slacker to me, like you want to be an artist or a musician but you are no good at it so you get all down on yourself and act all "poor me" all the time because you are hoping someone is going to come along and fix everything.
Well that's just not going to happen, it's your life, you make it what it is. Don't wait for you friends to do some road trips, do them yourself, take control, and stop wasting your life, figure out who you are and what you want to do for the rest of your life then make it happen. You can't coast forever! and if you do nothing you will hate yourself in the future.

Wow, tough love, ive never tried it before.

[hey alex]

Originally Posted by screamingskull

Have you never seen the ocean before? You kinda sound like a typical slacker to me, like you want to be an artist or a musician but you are no good at it so you get all down on yourself and act all "poor me" all the time because you are hoping someone is going to come along and fix everything.
Well that's just not going to happen, it's your life, you make it what it is. Don't wait for you friends to do some road trips, do them yourself, take control, and stop wasting your life, figure out who you are and what you want to do for the rest of your life then make it happen. You can't coast forever! and if you do nothing you will hate yourself in the future.

Wow, tough love, ive never tried it before.

true and pinning. Particualrly the slacker and music- because i do suck at that-- drawing i'm good at though. And I'm realizing i need to pick up myself, not have my friends do it too--- and yea i think it's hard and yea I have hesitation. I don't think big decisions come without it. And sure i pander awareness-- not exactly the best trait, but it happens. And even in being slightly told off over the internet, it's-- erm, helpful? Not really, but it's about what i expected.

I'll do something-- and i'm not going to wait around for my friends. If i leave without them then they can come visit me-- the road trip thing was just an idea because i probably won't have money enough to do anything til the summer, afterwards, anyway.

Also I have not seen the ocean- the gulf of mexico tho. That's more of a romantic aspiration that I'm sure will come around. In due time. *snively whiplash grin*

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by screamingskull

you gotta move, and every thing's gonna be okay

i hate to sound like yoda but wherever you go, you're there. (in other words your personal troubles travel too).

Originally Posted by hey alex

What do you do with your life if you don't do college?

i would suggest going to a trade school & learn to be an electrician.

i have a friend who makes movies who makes lots of $$ installing cell phone towers for sprint.

you could also learn to be oh a number of things. there is a good living to be made in the skilled trades. a couple of plumbers showed up at a friend's house the other day, work for 20 minutes, at the end my friend forks out $150 cash. sure beats quizno's...

best wishes!