[Everyneurotic]

i know this section has becomed something like bitch-a-plus but i think it's good for people to feel this confidence to share their stuff here with us. well, now it's my turn.

i've had a lot of crazy stuff happen to me since ending college this past december, crazy stuff, involving people who i trusted and turned out to be phonies, people who i have feelings for, she (more like "they"...i'm not sure if this could have happened to someone else with more than one person) has feelings for me but it's all about putting walls after walls and distancing from one another to doubt and shit like that. every week has been a surprise. now i have another one and this one is heavy.

my ex-girlfriend, who i broke up with something like 5 years ago in bitter and hateful terms, regained contact with me something like a year and a half ago, we started as friends and missed her as such and decided to speak to her again, we hung out for a little while then we broke contact again. last week, i spoke to her on msn and started to talk about her feeling crappy and me telling her how it felt when i found out she was cheating on me (and i mean, literally, i caught her kissing some other guy) and stuff. anyway, i told her to call me anytime if she felt bad or anything, so she called me, she was very upbeat on the phone so i thought she just wanted to catch up; but when she picked me up, she was crying, she told me about her problems and said she had never told anyone about her. she told me her sister (who i got to know when we were dating and a very good person) had a disease which might lead her to cancer and, after the first treatment, rejected anymore help; her mom is going thru hell with her, her father wants to leave home and she has some major problems with her boyfriend (the guy she cheated on me with). i felt really bad because first of all, i consider her a friend, and second of all, i can't forget the feelings i had for her, i don't love her like i did back then but i still care for her. all i did was stay there, hold her hand, hug her and be there for her, i know she's a smart girl and she will know what to do. but i still feel worried about her, and needed to tell it to someone.

[flophousefloozie]

Way to go..

I think you're doing the right thing and she will appreciate your comfort. If not today, then one day. Until then, just trust that she'll be alright and know that you're doing all that you can

[krastian]

Yeah, all you can do is be a friend....which it sounds like she appreciates.

[Everyneurotic]

thanks guys for your kind words and for reading, i don't feel so bottled up anymore.

i guess you are right, but i can't help feeling like i should do something else, i'm not sure if she knows i'm really there for her...it's not like i feel i "should" in the way that i expect to feel like a great guy and a great friend, but in should as trying to really be of help...but anyway, thanks for the posts, krastian and flophousefloozie, i appreaciate you guys!

[Hip Priest]

Sounds like you've behaved perfectly, be proud.

[fishmonkey]

Originally Posted by Hip Priest

Sounds like you've behaved perfectly, be proud.

Hip Priest speaks the truth, you have behaved perfectly and you should be proud, you sound like a very decent and reasonable bloke, all you can do is be a friend and you're doing just that.
Keep your chin up and be strong for her.

[!@#$%!]

yes dude be a friend but stay clear of the drama. by that i mean keep your dick on a leash and DO NOT "console" this chick trying to fuck her. i swear you need to keep a certain distance from her and in the meantime, try going out & maybe meeting someone who'll take your mind off this situation. i swear.

murphy's law of sex #14(?) - Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

[Inhuman]

Originally Posted by Everyneurotic

i know this section has becomed something like bitch-a-plus but i think it's good for people to feel this confidence to share their stuff here with us. well, now it's my turn.

i've had a lot of crazy stuff happen to me since ending college this past december, crazy stuff, involving people who i trusted and turned out to be phonies, people who i have feelings for, she (more like "they"...i'm not sure if this could have happened to someone else with more than one person) has feelings for me but it's all about putting walls after walls and distancing from one another to doubt and shit like that. every week has been a surprise. now i have another one and this one is heavy.

my ex-girlfriend, who i broke up with something like 5 years ago in bitter and hateful terms, regained contact with me something like a year and a half ago, we started as friends and missed her as such and decided to speak to her again, we hung out for a little while then we broke contact again. last week, i spoke to her on msn and started to talk about her feeling crappy and me telling her how it felt when i found out she was cheating on me (and i mean, literally, i caught her kissing some other guy) and stuff. anyway, i told her to call me anytime if she felt bad or anything, so she called me, she was very upbeat on the phone so i thought she just wanted to catch up; but when she picked me up, she was crying, she told me about her problems and said she had never told anyone about her. she told me her sister (who i got to know when we were dating and a very good person) had a disease which might lead her to cancer and, after the first treatment, rejected anymore help; her mom is going thru hell with her, her father wants to leave home and she has some major problems with her boyfriend (the guy she cheated on me with). i felt really bad because first of all, i consider her a friend, and second of all, i can't forget the feelings i had for her, i don't love her like i did back then but i still care for her. all i did was stay there, hold her hand, hug her and be there for her, i know she's a smart girl and she will know what to do. but i still feel worried about her, and needed to tell it to someone.

Well I think that you should do everything you can to help her, especially if she seeks your help, whether the boyfriend is involved or not. Cheating always hurts, but I feel that it can be something that can be forgiven. You made the right choice, well done man.

[spiritbears]

i agree with !@#$%
be very careful...you are being very kind./.....but don't let your lust get the better of you....cheaters inevitably cheat again....

[Inhuman]

Spiritbears brings up a good point as well. Cheaters generally don't change, but if you feel that you should go ahead anyway, then do so, just be very cautious about the choices you make so it doesn't happen to you again. Was there a reason she cheated on you? If no, then you'll really have to keep comprimising whether it's a right decision or not.

[!@#$%!]

^^
nonsense

...but if you feel that you should go ahead anyway, then do so, just be very cautious...

well that is kind of silly, isn't it? if he's cautious he won't go ahead. if he goes ahead he isn't being cautious. what caution is there once he's stuck in his prick?

BRO

STAY CLEAR OF LOONS

GO FIND A FRESH FACE TO INHABIT YOUR OBSESSIONS

the prophet has spoken, dammiT!!

[Inhuman]

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

^^
nonsense

...but if you feel that you should go ahead anyway, then do so, just be very cautious...

well that is kind of silly, isn't it? if he's cautious he won't go ahead. if he goes ahead he isn't being cautious. what caution is there once he's stuck in his prick?

BRO

STAY CLEAR OF LOONS

GO FIND A FRESH FACE TO INHABIT YOUR OBSESSIONS

the prophet has spoken, dammiT!!

Stay cautious about the choices he's making while going ahead.

[truncated]

I concur with !@#$%.

First off, I tend to think leopards don't change their spots (who else groaned at that cliche?).

And not to sound like a bitch, but I'd be wary of someone who only bothers getting in touch with you when they're going through difficulties.

Finally, fucking when either one of you are vulnerable is always a bad idea. So yeah...don't.

Otherwise, you're doing the best you can do, which is be there for her. All she likely needed was a sympathetic ear, which you have been. As you know now yourself, venting can often be the most cathartic thing in times of crisis.

[Everyneurotic]

thanks guys for the kind words, i needed to tell someone (like !@#$% suggested) and started by talking with you.

i might have done something good or behaved well or whatever; but i still feel like i should do something more...i kinda felt the same protective nature i felt when we were going out and i felt a deep concern for her. i still have feelings for her because she was my girlfriend who a loved a lot, so it's difficult not to feel this. and yeah, the whole cheating and boyfriend thing got out of the way right now since this is something serious, it feels shallow and banal to think about her cheating on me and knowing who's her boyfriend and stuff. it does feel dumb to be concerned about stuff like that, not to mentioned i'm already over that for a long time now (which wasn't easy)

i think you guys have a point about this turning into a love and sex situation, she seeked for me and has apologized several times for the way she treated me and the way we broke up, she also mentioned several times that she was a changed person and that she now views people in a different way, also that she now really appreciate people more now. when she dropped me home she told me that she loved me and i told her i did too (because i will always love her since she was/is very important to me and out of sympathy too). so chances are she wants me back. she also told me she was finally breaking up with her boyfriend.

i couldn't sleep last night thinking about the situation and woke thinking what !@#$% also said, that it's not my drama and that there should be a line of involvement not to be crossed, it's true, i just hoped i came into the board earlier to read it.

i'll go as i see and try to have some distant perspective and see what's up, while still try to be as much support for her as possible.

thanks a lot for reading and for giving me some of your words. that's another reason why this is my favorite place on the internet!

[Everyneurotic]

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

murphy's law of sex #14(?) - Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

that's how i got involved with her and became my girlfriend in the first place

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

GO FIND A FRESH FACE TO INHABIT YOUR OBSESSIONS

that's the hardest thing for me right now, i haven't met new people in a little while and the one's i meet they are eithers loonies or normal but distant, which also adds to the drama

Originally Posted by truncated

And not to sound like a bitch, but I'd be wary of someone who only bothers getting in touch with you when they're going through difficulties.

i know, but i know her and i can't help but feel protective of her. that's the way she is and, as much as i would feel to help someone who has treated me bad and who just seeks me when she needs something from me, i can't be mad at her or deny the help. i care too much for her, she can be very careless and crazy and might not realize what she does or say, but she's not a bad person. and in situations like these, i leave all that stuff behind. plus, we've come to terms with our differences and the circumstance which led to our break up

[truncated]

Originally Posted by Diesel

give her one for the road then change your msn addy

I NEVER use this, but this deserves an LOL!

[truncated]

Originally Posted by Everyneurotic

i know, but i know her and i can't help but feel protective of her. that's the way she is and, as much as i would feel to help someone who has treated me bad and who just seeks me when she needs something from me, i can't be mad at her or deny the help. i care too much for her, she can be very careless and crazy and might not realize what she does or say, but she's not a bad person. and in situations like these, i leave all that stuff behind. plus, we've come to terms with our differences and the circumstance which led to our break up

You truly are a good person, one who I hope does not get walked on for his troubles. Good luck, whatever you decide.

[Everyneurotic]

Originally Posted by truncated

You truly are a good person, one who I hope does not get walked on for his troubles. Good luck, whatever you decide.

believe me, i had been walked on before, that's why i'm keeping some distance

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by Everyneurotic

i know, but i know her and i can't help but feel protective of her. that's the way she is and, as much as i would feel to help someone who has treated me bad and who just seeks me when she needs something from me, i can't be mad at her or deny the help. i care too much for her, she can be very careless and crazy and might not realize what she does or say, but she's not a bad person. and in situations like these, i leave all that stuff behind. plus, we've come to terms with our differences and the circumstance which led to our break up

see man that is your achilles heel and how she gets you. that little helpless bird fallen from the nest with a broken wing that you want to nurse to health is going to do this to you:

 

[truncated]

Haha! He's right you know. But then again, I inherently distrust most chicks.