[SpectralJulianIsNotDead]

everytime I start something with a girl, every second I'm not around her my stomach feels like it is being ripped out?

Is it infatuation?
Is it a bodily instinct that is metaphorically lighting a fire under my ass to get me to seek out said girl immediately?
Is it my weak stomach's reaction to the high emotional levels?

And the big question, I think THE question of life, the universe, and everything. What is Love?

42?

See, I've only ever had one girlfriend. With your first girlfriend, you think you know everything, and it is sort of an educational smack in the face. You realize you don't love her and that you don't really know what love is, you break up with her, and give her a shitty explanation of why it is over.

Looking at the possibility of a 2nd relationship is very unsettling. You realize some key problems that made you unsatisfied with your first relationship. But with that, it seems that you are now playing with a double edged sword. You realize that in your first relationship, it was simply too much, too fast, before you could even really decide if you could stand eachother. But not you realize that and you want to avoid that, at the same time, you can't go to far in the other direction, that there is a fine line between suffocation and starvation.

So when faced with the question of love, I wonder if my definition is wrong of course. After deciding that it is a term thrown around too much, I wonder perhaps if I have put it on a pedestal. If I took a step back, took it off the pedestal, and redefined it, what if it deserved to be on the pedestal and I'm lowering my expectations?

I find all these issues very frustrating, but at the same time, comforting. It gives me things to think about and paranoias to write songs about.

[finding nobody]

the feeling in your stomach might be butterflys, but i dont know. you could have an ulcer.
just take it easy, be yourself and i dont think you can go wrong.
so, what kind of music does she like?

[acousticrock87]

Originally Posted by SpectralJulianIsNotDead

See, I've only ever had one girlfriend. With your first girlfriend, you think you know everything, and it is sort of an educational smack in the face. You realize you don't love her and that you don't really know what love is, you break up with her, and give her a shitty explanation of why it is over.

See I don't agree there. I think you did love her. Love just isn't always enough. I think a huge part of it depends on where both of you are at in life, what directions you're going, and how willing both of you are to compromise for what the other person needs you to compromise on. Love is absolutely necessary, of course, but if you spend all your time thinking about that one word you're going to overlook a lot of other words that will smack you in the face later.

Like "happiness." They don't always come together.

[SpectralJulianIsNotDead]

Good music. Mainly early jazz and american alternative sort of stuff. She hasn't disliked any of my music. Although I haven't had her listen to any of the really abrasive stuff I like though.

I actually might have an ulcer. My stomach sucks, fricking acid reflux.

I shouldn't be that worried I know. To an unshallow person that doesn't carry about fast cars and money, I'm a pretty good catch. For some reason I forget that most girls are used to having complete assholes for boyfriends, and I let my sexual inexperience worry me when it really shouldn't. I'm a natural at making out. I've just never gone past 3rd and that makes me kind of nervous.

[SpectralJulianIsNotDead]

Originally Posted by acousticrock87

See I don't agree there. I think you did love her. Love just isn't always enough. I think a huge part of it depends on where both of you are at in life, what directions you're going, and how willing both of you are to compromise for what the other person needs you to compromise on. Love is absolutely necessary, of course, but if you spend all your time thinking about that one word you're going to overlook a lot of other words that will smack you in the face later.

Like "happiness." They don't always come together.

Well I had a certain degree of love for my first girlfriend. But there are different degrees of love. There is unconditional love for your fellow humans (which I have, I know not everyone has it), maternal, paternal, platonic, fraternal, romantic, etc.

I don't think under any conditions it could have worked with my first girlfriend. We are just very different people. The main reason I was attracted to my first girlfriend was because she liked me, and I sort of realized that later.

There are probably different degrees of romantic love though. And it might not simply be that "love isn't enough" but you "don't love someone enough." Although with alcoholics and drug addicts, you can "love someone too much."

But when people say "I love you" there is no quantifier for it. I think it is assumed that it is the ideal love.

Perhaps though, quanitifying it is wrong. Maybe there are different kinds romantic love, but an ice-cream analogy would be best. Chocolate chip cookie dough isn't superior to cookies 'n cream or mint chocolate chip, just a different sensation.

Perhaps there is the insane love: David and Bathsheba, Dmitri and Grushenka, etc. The song "Hey" by the Pixies would describe this perfectly. It could be argued that this would be infatuation.

Then there would be the "Peter and Lois" or "Homer and Marge" sort of love. Much more tame, and a lot of understanding and patience due to lack of communication.

And I'm too fucking tired to think of any more examples for this sort of analogy. I think "sweet love" would be one.

Maybe it is worthless and impossible to quantize, dichotomize, what have you.

The real question I guess isn't "What is love?" but how do you know when you are with the one? Or is there no such thing? Is it really just a matter of being comfortable enough in life to not try to improve your placement in llife?

Anyways, I'm pretty sure I'm in love with philosophy. It gives me a big hard on. Well, not really.

I keep bringing this up in conversations on this board about love, but I really like this Jim Reid quote and I'll bring it up again. "When it comes to a boy meets girl situation, I'm not in the least bit romantic. Romantic to me means that you build up an idea of something and nothing touches it. I tend to get romantic about things like Hell's Angels, you know, motorbikers that wear dirty black leather. People are too complex to get romantic about. I'm romantic about Rock N Roll music; to me Rock N Roll is a very romantic idea."

I am not sure if I agree with that 100%, but I think I can see what he means. I'd really like to have a relationship with a girl that is as beautiful as my relationship to music and art. But I feel that is impossible, which is sort of sad. It highlights the brokeness of romantic love to me, although the brokeness is part of the allure. Art is so close to God in my mind. But in that way, I could choose to believe that a woman was chosen for me by God (which I think would be a very egotistical proposal) and have a divine appreciation for the relationship.

Perhaps that is the key. Bringing in an outside love to really make a relationship work. That is probably why children save some relationships. The shared parental love can really ignite people's love I think. Although parenting isn't the cure all. People wouldn't get divorced if it was.

Anyways, I'm going to bed.

[luxinterior]

After reading all of that, I think you had it right the first time with 42. But then again, I never was one to argue with the Hitchhiker's Guide.

[Gookid]

Why do birds suddenly appear
Every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.

[Infinite Spark]

congratulations!

Collectively, you have restored this person's faith in humanity. Well done!

[SpectralJulianIsNotDead]

Is it because we are having a conversation about relationships that isn't about sex?

[SpectralJulianIsNotDead]

This thread really needs the Atari 2600 stamp of approval and perhaps some of his enlightenment.

[Savage Clone]

From atarigenerator.org:

Originally Posted by atari2600

Analyze the lyrics of Laurie Anderson's "United States Live," keeping in mind how their insights can be applied to the appreciation of the work of Anselm Kiefer and you will surely find the answers you seek.

[SpectralJulianIsNotDead]

Hahaha Savage Clone.

[Danny Himself]

I know exactly what you mean. I tend to get attached to just one person sometimes.

[h8kurdt]

I'm in the same situation right now.

God we're all sappy bitches aren't we?!

[thewall91]

i'm sorry i have to hijack your thread. there was this horrible dance song out when i was in college, and every verse started with "question: why is it that..." and every time i see the heading, i hear this stupid voice singing the song. here it is for anyone fortunate enough to never hear it (and to make anyone who did laugh):

Question why is it that every time I walking down the street
Somebody wants to stop me
Just to give me a flier.
Come on man !!
Funk dat !!
Get out of my way !!

Question why is that everytime I walk into the bank
The tellers look at me like I am the one that robbed them last night
Come on man !!
Funk dat !!
What are you looking at !!

Question why is it that everytime I turn on the radio
I hear the same five songs fifteen times a day for three months
Man funk that !!
Get a new dj !!

Question why is it that bums ask me for money when I aint got none,
Whats it an iddiot thing or something let me remind this dude he aint got no money hunh !
Man fuk that!!!!
Get a job !!

You know everytime I see me neightbor she tells me to stay out of trouble,
The other one looks at me like I am the one that got her daughter strung out
Come on man !!
Funk dat !!
What are you looking at!!

(Sighing)
Seems like eveytime it never fails it never fails
Im just chilling in my crib minding
My own business and somebody wants to call me just to talk about nothing
Funk dat !!
Get a life !!

Question why is it that when I go out to a night club
Only the ugly chicks want to step to me,
I mean like i'm ugly or something ha
What you mean ha!
Funk dat !!
Get out of my face !!

[atari 2600]

yeah ---
too bad the ignore function won't ignore topic subjects too

[HaydenAsche]

That was on Beavis & Butthead the same episode as Bull In The Heather.

[SpectralJulianIsNotDead]

Atari 2600 ignores me? I love you Atari! Please don't ignore me!

Yeah, h8kurt, we are sappy bitches!

[h8kurdt]

Whilst we're on the subject of being sappy bitches.

Well the girl who I kept getting the 'butterflies' from did a classic. She tells me she has some news. I'm thinkin 'oh right' she goes "Guess what, I have a boyfriend". Bugger. Kinda like that scene in the simpsons were bart likes that girl only for her to tell him she's going out with thingy. Cue shot of her pulling his heart out "you wont be needing this".

Emo.

Don't read the thread if you don't like it Atari. It's not hard to do.

[Inhuman]

Originally Posted by SpectralJulianIsNotDead

everytime I start something with a girl, every second I'm not around her my stomach feels like it is being ripped out?

Is it infatuation?
Is it a bodily instinct that is metaphorically lighting a fire under my ass to get me to seek out said girl immediately?
Is it my weak stomach's reaction to the high emotional levels?

And the big question, I think THE question of life, the universe, and everything. What is Love?

42?

See, I've only ever had one girlfriend. With your first girlfriend, you think you know everything, and it is sort of an educational smack in the face. You realize you don't love her and that you don't really know what love is, you break up with her, and give her a shitty explanation of why it is over.

Looking at the possibility of a 2nd relationship is very unsettling. You realize some key problems that made you unsatisfied with your first relationship. But with that, it seems that you are now playing with a double edged sword. You realize that in your first relationship, it was simply too much, too fast, before you could even really decide if you could stand eachother. But not you realize that and you want to avoid that, at the same time, you can't go to far in the other direction, that there is a fine line between suffocation and starvation.

So when faced with the question of love, I wonder if my definition is wrong of course. After deciding that it is a term thrown around too much, I wonder perhaps if I have put it on a pedestal. If I took a step back, took it off the pedestal, and redefined it, what if it deserved to be on the pedestal and I'm lowering my expectations?

I find all these issues very frustrating, but at the same time, comforting. It gives me things to think about and paranoias to write songs about.

Well written man. I can connect with many of the points you made there. I ran into the same problems with my first girlfriend and assumed that what I experienced was all there was to experience, and then realized there was far more to it. Every one after that can really be uncomforting, because you never know their expectations in a relationship. At first I thought flexing my personality would fix it and I'd just agree with her all the time... but then if the partner the wrong type of person, they can take advantage of this. But just keep in mind, relationships get easier as you meet different people. It's worth a shot despite the fact that it may be unsettling. If you run into any problems, all you have is to talk to them about it. It usually works for me.

As for the love, it's unquantifiable and subective. Due to the fact that it's unmeasurable, nobody can truly know what love is, and only presume it when they can't imagine a stronger emotion. It's really all up to you.

You brought up a good topic; You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to SpectralJulianIsNotDead again.