[pbradley]

Okay, this one is not some much of a joke in having a punch line but I laughed.

In response to this animated gif:

 

"She is so hot, my ultimate fantasy is for me to meet her and tell her a knock knock joke so funny that she laughs till tears stream down her face and then she gets a sultry look in her eyes, grabs my crotch and says "you can do whatever you want to me tonight". Holy fuck would I take her up on her offer.

First up I'd give her a hot soapy enema cause theres going to be a LOT of ass stuff. I then proceed to fuck her ass (condom) press my thumbs into her quivering abdomen, pick her up and press her back into the wall getting off to the pressure from squeezing her sloshing half pregnant looking stomach into mine till she begs me to stop cause she needs to shit, as it rushes out I slap her in the face. Now we may begin

I take two jars of jam and empty them into her ass which I then fuck (no condom) stopping every few minutes for ass to mouth. I then get out the Kamu Sutra and do every fucked up position I can think of, spend ten minutes distractedly fingering her asshole and then start spanking her while wearing a pilgrim hat and angrily quoting from a Bible in my free hand(I'm not christian I just think that would be funny) before I drag her by the hair out to the trampoline in my backyard, pick her up from behind and wrap my arms under her thighs and stick it in her ass and jump bfor awhile, then turn around and stick it in her pussy and have her wrap her legs around me, start jumping till I get a good rythym going then make a huge ten foot plus jump in the air making sure to remove my cock so only an inch is in her pussy so that it SLAMS back in as I land on my ass, it is at this time that I hope she starts crying. I will then flip her over and play her ass like a bongo drum as I sing a silly African tribal gibberish song in tune to her sobs.

I will then take her out to my barn and tie her feet to two bungee cords I shall hang to the bannister and give her a push so she starts swaying and alternately slap her ass and tits as she sways by. I will then climb up the cords and position myself between her legs and drop down into her, and make Tarzan yells as we sway around the barn.

I will then untie her and take her up to the bathtub put a white t-shirt on her, fill up the tub with cold water and ice cubes put her in and furiously masturbate and take video/pictures of her shivering. (Freezing women is a Weird fetish I haven't had luck finding in porn).

Take her out to the lake and put on some scuba gear, go underwater and fuck her in all sorts of outer space positions, offering her a quick hit from my oxygen tank when she starts to claw at my body which I quickly replace with my cock.

I then drag her gasping to the shore and slap her repeatedly with my PENIS cause its something I've always wanted to try, play a game of risk, gagging bj, fisting, put on a tophat, kiss her hand and thank her for an enchanting evening."

[ni'k]

and that's how babies are made, son.

[pbradley]

It makes me want to play a game of Risk.

[verme (prevaricator)]

meh.