[ann ashtray]

This is more so directed at the male make-up of SYG, but females can contribute too if they'd like.

SO, over the last 3 weeks I've been talking to this girl. We've known each other (vaguely) through the years, bumping into each other from time to time. I always thought she was pretty, but was always (until three weeks ago) too nervous whenever around her to say/do anything about it.

But yeah, she has a kid (she didn't when we first met ages ago). Normally, this is something that I tend to stay away from. I've dated one girl in the past that had one, but I refused to meet him + I think the feeling was mutual and the relationship boiled down to nothing but sex/getting fucked up from time to time anyways. BUT, this time/this girl has been different. I LOVE the way she talks about her kid, I love how responsible she is as a young mother, I love the fact that she spends time with him and puts him before anything else....esp. me.

Yesterday afternoon I drove out to her place. We went swimming, and it was fun. 'Course her kid was like any other kid and kept naggin' me about racing him or throwing random objects in the pool for him to find...but I enjoyed it. It was almost as good as actually being a kid again for a little while.

We ended up getting pizza later in the evening, and I ended up spending the night after the kid fell asleep.

Me and this girl stayed up 'till maybe 1am, watching a movie, smoking cigarettes, and drinking...WATER! We did make out, but nothing happened in the way of sex sans some heavy petting and me getting a boner and her thinking it was funny.

Despite having a kid, something about her makes sense. I always said this would never happen...maybe I'm just getting older. I don't know.

[!@#$%!]

it's all free game but keep in mind that she may not be looking for somebody to fuck around with but more of somebody to build a life with, and you could involuntarily hurt her. check your signals before making that turn.

[knox]

i don't see the problem??? maybe she just wants something casual anyway? i imagine that a lot of women with kids want that but it's harder for them to get it because men are always so scared.

[noisereductions]

it might be good for you.
But also remember that the kid has feelings too (can get attached).

[Rob Instigator]

most moms, the good ones anyway, are far more concerned with their child than they ever will be with YOU. understand that and it may all be delicious.

[chicka]

All that matters is how do you feel about her? If you really love her the kid isn't going to matter you're going to love him too because he's part of her world and you know he comes with it. Kids can be frustrating at times but the joy they can bring always out weights the frustration. I realize it's early and "love" isn't in the cards yet till you figure out a bunch of shit but let's face it we pretty much know in 10 minutes of meeting someone if we could fall for them seriously or we just want to pound sand and move on.........

[ann ashtray]

Originally Posted by knox

i don't see the problem??? maybe she just wants something casual anyway? i imagine that a lot of women with kids want that but it's harder for them to get it because men are always so scared.

It's def not casual...which is why there's been a concious decision made towards not having sex just yet. She seems worth waiting on.

[knox]

Originally Posted by ann ashtray

It's def not casual...which is why there's been a concious decision made towards not having sex just yet. She seems worth waiting on.

well i dont really get that kind of thinking but you know all you can do is wait and see what happens.

[ann ashtray]

ohh, thanks everyone.

[SONIC GAIL]

Robs right. I am friends with a few single moms and the kid will always come first and that is how it should be. Dating can be very tramatic for the kid if the boyfriend has no interest in them. Gotta remember to share momma. Kids. Make u feel alive again and bring back that innocent happiness to your life.my youngets brother ended up marrying a chick with a kid (he had none). They are going on
6 years now. My bro has taken him under his wing. His father was mostly absent in his life and passed away unexpectidly recently. He treats my bro like he's his real dad and has a new found sense of stability. Most single moms are responsible and out of that playin grl games with your head though there are exceptions to the rule. I would think that depending on her age she is probably looking for a serious relationship in the long run. I don't know her of course, but most moms are. This is just a womans perpsective. Anyway I hope it works out for you.i

[chicka]

Originally Posted by ann ashtray

She seems worth waiting on.

I guess you've answered your own question

[the original pincho]

Not sur what the hell you are tlkin about,but.. It alll sounds good. I have been a firm luv monger my whole life. Which means I always try to build on luv for what it is.

[automatic bzooty]

go for it, man.

[artsygrrl]

Originally Posted by knox

well i dont really get that kind of thinking but you know all you can do is wait and see what happens.

As a woman with kids, ann/swa(y)'s comments make perfect sense to me. And even more commendable since, after all, this is coming from our swa(y). I see this as a positive thing and a sign that he's found a source of well-deserved happiness.

[FreshChops]

dating, sure why not.....

evolving to a serious relationship, ask yourself, do you want to be a Dad overnight? Ready for the responsibilities of being a dad? Capable of taking care of yourself, much less a child?

I have friends in this situation and generally, it's not favorable. Not being negative, but just honest. You're still young. If you want a family, at least make it your own offspring.

Keep in mind, you're good times with her involved the kid out of the picture. If you move in for example, the kid doesn't go away every time you get a boner.

A lot would weigh on how well you get along with the kid.... the you and her relationship is easy.... you and the kid is the challenge (for better or worst).

I know single moms that fiend sexual friendships for their various reasons but aren't exactly looking for anything committed themselves... maybe that's her angle... I don't know.... I will shut up now ____

[ann ashtray]

I see what you're saying, I do...and to where things have not evolved yet in such a way to where I need to take these considerations all that seriously...I do wanna add that I enjoy hanging out with her kid. It's cool. He seems to have a good relationship with his dad, and I would never, ever want (taking things got to such a level) wanna be any thing more than just a friend to him. I like kids, never really wanted to be a dad...maybe things will be cool. Too early to tell.

She's DEF not looking for anything sex-based. She's wildly sexual, but I KNOW that's not what she's looking for. We talk a lot. We talk about real-life adult issues.

We're hanging out again tomorrow night. + again, she's wanting me to spend the night....should be fun.

[ann ashtray]

Welps, now we are "officially" dating...whatever that means. Things are awesome. Rode w/ her tonight to pick up her son from the ex hubby. It was pleasant. He has weekend visitation rights, so we spent most of the weekend together...fun!