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Old 08.31.2008, 07:09 PM   #341
batreleaser
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this is very strange, normally i would never blab about my love of getting high, but its surprising how many people are going through the same shit.

and shentov, if youre still doing opiates, youre not clean, they are all highly addictive and all give you to varying degrees unpleasent withdrawl symtoms. you might wana try and methadone/suboxone detox. i did suboxone for 6 months, and while it doesnt literally cure your addiction, it provides you an oppurtunity to shake the habit of ritual. this meaning that half the battle is just to get used to living a life without drugs, which means not getting cash, making the phone calls, scoring, cooking, shooting, all that stuff is just as addictive. but meds can help you get through the day and make you not wanna get high, just make sure youtre coming off the dose little by little.

cantanky; youll feel better soon. trust me, 3 more months youll feel like a million bucks. but the urge never leaves, itll always be there. thats why i smoke pot again, i mean, i know AA preaches total sobriety, and i used to adhere to that philosophy, but marijuana is the only thing that curtails my anxiety, and does so in a manner that is totally harmless. i dont even really consider marijuana a drug (i know thats stupid) because it so vastly can improve the user's quality of life. i should stay away from booze though, booze is evil.
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Old 08.31.2008, 07:15 PM   #342
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are you ready to check into a las vegas hotel suite under an assumed name with intent to commit capital fraud and a head full of acid?
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Old 08.31.2008, 07:19 PM   #343
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Old 08.31.2008, 07:19 PM   #344
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shentov
i hear you on that one, i'm quite afraid from what i know about the time after...
how did you resist the urge to fix just once to get rid of the "neverending boredom, depression, anxiety, and a feeling of empitiness thats extremly hard to shake"...
'cause if I couldn't resist... this might destroy what I've built until that frightening moment...
that thoughts in my head now, and I've only been off heroin for a month. not entirely off opiates, just off heroin, and depression killing me even now; I don't even imagine what I should expect after finally nullify (sp?) my MST dose.
I've also bee addicted for two years (shooting heroin, no oxys available in Eastern EU, though i'd like to snort one of those fuckers for 'knowledge purposes only' if you get the picture...).
were you and IVer, or a snort/smoke addict?

my drug trajectory went something like this. first got high off weed when i was 13 with these older kids who i knew from the skatepark. i immedialtey loved it. it made me giggle and made me better/more fearless at skating, and music sounded amazing. this was a great time of my life, i was discovering weed and black flag and skating and girls all at the same time. i also then started drinking, blah blah. then came shrooms and acid, scared myself multiple times with both those wonderful chemicals. then came extasy and bad techo music in shitty clubs. had some great times with that. then cocaine/speed simultaneously. i got addicted to coke for a few months, especially after i had mono and got way behind in school i was sniffin coke and taking adderal all day every day. then oxycontin, snorting them. from then on all my money went to opiates and weed so i could get double-y high. i never got hooked though because theyre so expensive here. when i moved to tucson (almost 19 at this point) to start my freshman year i immediatley fell for a junkie chick. she was hot, cool, liked curtis mayfield, and loved drugs. she got me oxys for real chreap and wed get high and fuck all the time. well, eventually that relationship collapsed (as all of this type within time do) and was fucked for a drug connection. this kid who i kinda knew and listened to rad music then introduced me to mexican black tar heroin. i started smoking the shit every fucking day, then me and the kid started a band. it was a full on junk band, all four dudes shot dope. we got nothing accomplished. i only was shooting for maybe 2 weeks before it finally hit me, "WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING TO MYSELF!?!?!?!?". callled my parents, told em i needed help, took a short break from school and got myself in treatment. and now im doing great. it sure as fuck helped to have awesome parents though. they accept me for who i am, and are compassionate enough to realize that my love of getting high doesnt mean im a bad person. but ok, no more drug talk, haha.
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Old 08.31.2008, 07:34 PM   #345
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Quote:
Originally Posted by batreleaser
my drug trajectory went something like this. first got high off weed when i was 13 with these older kids who i knew from the skatepark. i immedialtey loved it. it made me giggle and made me better/more fearless at skating, and music sounded amazing. this was a great time of my life, i was discovering weed and black flag and skating and girls all at the same time. i also then started drinking, blah blah. then came shrooms and acid, scared myself multiple times with both those wonderful chemicals. then came extasy and bad techo music in shitty clubs. had some great times with that. then cocaine/speed simultaneously. i got addicted to coke for a few months, especially after i had mono and got way behind in school i was sniffin coke and taking adderal all day every day. then oxycontin, snorting them. from then on all my money went to opiates and weed so i could get double-y high. i never got hooked though because theyre so expensive here. when i moved to tucson (almost 19 at this point) to start my freshman year i immediatley fell for a junkie chick. she was hot, cool, liked curtis mayfield, and loved drugs. she got me oxys for real chreap and wed get high and fuck all the time. well, eventually that relationship collapsed (as all of this type within time do) and was fucked for a drug connection. this kid who i kinda knew and listened to rad music then introduced me to mexican black tar heroin. i started smoking the shit every fucking day, then me and the kid started a band. it was a full on junk band, all four dudes shot dope. we got nothing accomplished. i only was shooting for maybe 2 weeks before it finally hit me, "WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING TO MYSELF!?!?!?!?". callled my parents, told em i needed help, took a short break from school and got myself in treatment. and now im doing great. it sure as fuck helped to have awesome parents though. they accept me for who i am, and are compassionate enough to realize that my love of getting high doesnt mean im a bad person. but ok, no more drug talk, haha.
I think I know where you're coming from on this. My sister went through a really similar cycle minus the dope and my parents were really supportive and great to her when she realized she needed help. Accepting parents can be good to come by. Congratulations on doing great now though, it's really a shame to see good people fall deeply into the hard stuff.
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Old 08.31.2008, 07:39 PM   #346
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Quote:
Originally Posted by batreleaser
this is very strange, normally i would never blab about my love of getting high, but its surprising how many people are going through the same shit.
cantanky; youll feel better soon. trust me, 3 more months youll feel like a million bucks. but the urge never leaves, itll always be there. thats why i smoke pot again, i mean, i know AA preaches total sobriety, and i used to adhere to that philosophy, but marijuana is the only thing that curtails my anxiety, and does so in a manner that is totally harmless. i dont even really consider marijuana a drug (i know thats stupid) because it so vastly can improve the user's quality of life. i should stay away from booze though, booze is evil.

i don't talk about it very openly hardly ever because most people just don't understand that i LOVE TO GET HIGH.

oh i definitely still smoke pot and drink. that's never going to change.
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Old 08.31.2008, 07:43 PM   #347
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i am a magnet for h-addicts, ex and using. srsly. it is EERIE how many addicts i have in my life. it's affected me pretty negatively in a lot of ways, but i am also very understanding and tolerant of it. right now i'm struggling with one friend who WANTS to get clean and one who doesn't. it's so frustrating. especially when the temptation is there for myself.
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Old 08.31.2008, 10:08 PM   #348
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Quote:
Originally Posted by batreleaser
they accept me for who i am, and are compassionate enough to realize that my love of getting high doesnt mean im a bad person.

its not a moral question, it's an illness.

it's like saying that you're a bad person for getting the flu.
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Old 08.31.2008, 10:19 PM   #349
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i really hope all you going through tough shit get well.

i've never done major drugs and i don't have an addictive personality, i sometimes drink as a reaction to a feeling (and it always ends ugly, hence i try to not drink when i'm emotionally unstable) and i smoke cigarettes because i like to, i have felt the formative stages of addiction (the craving) when i don't smoke, i try to keep myself in check, but other than the fact that i like smoking, i sometimes use it as a reaction to feel better about certain aspects of my life currently, and that kinda sucks.
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Old 08.31.2008, 10:39 PM   #350
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friend a) just cut-off friend b) for constantly borrowing money for NEW EXTREME DRAMAS every other week.

tonight it was $40 to cover a bad deal. according to friend b) his girlfriend was going to get beaten and/or raped if they didn't cough up $40 (friend a) just gave friend b) $15 to fill up his tank).

friend a) felt karmically compelled to give him the $40, but told friend b) and his nutjob girlfriend that that was the final straw.

all I can say is, about damn time.
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Old 08.31.2008, 10:43 PM   #351
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Quote:
Originally Posted by !@#$%!
its not a moral question, it's an illness.

it's like saying that you're a bad person for getting the flu.

an allergey of the body, and an illness of the mind, is what the higher power folk say. if anyone wants to find good group meetings but cant get into the cultiness/religiousness of the AA/NA/CA camp, should check out SMART RECOVERY. i still go to these once in a while. its a group based on the foundation of sobriety as method of improvinf thyself, improving your own life, and doing it for yourself, not a higher power. this was very helpful to me, as i could never buy into the higher power thing.
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Old 08.31.2008, 10:46 PM   #352
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Quote:
Originally Posted by batreleaser
an allergey of the body, and an illness of the mind, is what the higher power folk say. if anyone wants to find good group meetings but cant get into the cultiness/religiousness of the AA/NA/CA camp, should check out SMART RECOVERY. i still go to these once in a while. its a group based on the foundation of sobriety as method of improvinf thyself, improving your own life, and doing it for yourself, not a higher power. this was very helpful to me, as i could never buy into the higher power thing.

yeah i dont buy into the higher power either but much of the rest works-- what i did is i decided the "higher power" ws my better self, end of story, fuck god. ha ha ha. and i never went to any meetings. i just went to therapy for other things & my compulsions ceased. but yeah i used the bradshaw book to understand my crazed family. good stuff.

best wishes getting cured man-- whatever works.
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Old 09.01.2008, 01:51 AM   #353
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Quote:
Originally Posted by boy_howdy
i am a magnet for h-addicts, ex and using. srsly. it is EERIE how many addicts i have in my life. it's affected me pretty negatively in a lot of ways, but i am also very understanding and tolerant of it. right now i'm struggling with one friend who WANTS to get clean and one who doesn't. it's so frustrating. especially when the temptation is there for myself.

That must be pretty hard on you
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Old 09.01.2008, 04:30 AM   #354
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Old 09.01.2008, 04:54 AM   #355
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this thread sucks
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Old 09.01.2008, 03:34 PM   #356
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cryptowonderdruginvogue
this thread sucks
you say that as if any thread you've started as of late has any value.


this thread has turned into a fucking NA meeting though.
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Old 09.01.2008, 03:40 PM   #357
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drugs are overated
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Old 09.01.2008, 03:40 PM   #358
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Right, just a quick one from me. !@#$%! mentioned earlier on about something called "Smart Recovery". For the US boardies, anyone who's interested in looking into this can check out their website:

http://www.smartrecovery.org/

And to find a local meeting/counselling place in your area, try this link:

http://www.smartrecovery.org/meetings_db/view/

Best of luck from me to all you abstainers and those who are struggling with any addiction, and much love. xxxx
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Old 09.01.2008, 03:42 PM   #359
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MellySingsDoom
abstainers*

*does not include cantankerous
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Old 09.01.2008, 03:43 PM   #360
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^^^Does this mean what I think it means, Cantankers? (And no, I'm not being funny here, it's a serious question to a serious girl...)
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