[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by _tunic_

If anyone (of the regulars) else wants to join, let me know.

yeah i have been wondering about your story for a while, and you were hush-hush so i did not push it. but since you’re offering... i’d like to hear if you don’t mind.

Originally Posted by d.sound

i feel ambitious for the first time in my life.

 

[d.sound]

Since I'm getting inquisitive about seeing myself in a picture, I took another one today.

 

[guest]

hey d.sound just checking in to offer my utmost congrats and happiness in you finding yourself. that you've made it to where you're at is a testament to your strength, and you should be so proud of that. I've had a number of friends who have transitioned and while it was arduous for them of course, seeing them reach this stage that you've reached is always such a beautiful, humbling thing. it's so difficult to comprehend how one can be made to go through life with this sense of corporeal detachment that you've been made to feel, especially when we attach so much of ourselves to the physical, so I'm sure that to finally be able to have some control over yourself must be one of the most beautiful sensations possible, for which I have so much respect.


it's really beautiful to see that on a board that's devolved into a bit of a cesspit of late that moments of real light can continue to come through, and of course all the best for the future!

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by guest

hey d.sound just checking in to offer my utmost congrats and happiness in you finding yourself. that you've made it to where you're at is a testament to your strength, and you should be so proud of that. I've had a number of friends who have transitioned and while it was arduous for them of course, seeing them reach this stage that you've reached is always such a beautiful, humbling thing. it's so difficult to comprehend how one can be made to go through life with this sense of corporeal detachment that you've been made to feel, especially when we attach so much of ourselves to the physical, so I'm sure that to finally be able to have some control over yourself must be one of the most beautiful sensations possible, for which I have so much respect.


it's really beautiful to see that on a board that's devolved into a bit of a cesspit of late that moments of real light can continue to come through, and of course all the best for the future!

this part of the board has ALWAYS been a giant cesspit... ,

but very well said. yeah...

[d.sound]

Thanks again. It's very weird seeing myself. I also evaluated my naked body for the first time. You mentioned the corporeal. Nail on the head. I felt like a disembodied, floating head having never looked at my body before.

I'm sure gender dysphoria has to seem as perplexing as i did with other people who were ok or liked their bodies. There is no way of knowing exactly what it feels like unless you experience it.

[Genteel Death]

Originally Posted by d.sound

 

This is the first time in my entire life that I caught myself in the mirror and actually liked what I saw. I felt cute and I saw something that might actually... look cute? I didn't know that was a thing that could happen. I can actually look into a mirror now. I don't mind people seeing me now. I felt like an actual person for the first time in my life. I cried good feelings. Then I cried a lot more because I realized exactly how bad my body dysphoria has been all my life. Up until this moment I was not able to look at mirrors or see my body when I looked down because all I saw was head to toe the ugliest most disgusting thing I ever saw. Every inch of my body, arms, shoulders, hands, especially the you know where. I couldn't stand being seen by other people. I realized the real reason I have been abstinent for 14 years wasn't because I was afraid of a relatioinship, but because I didn't want anyone to see my body.

Now being able to accept myself fully actually looks like it's on the horizon. I have my first consultation with my reassignment doctor on the 14th. I found out insurance might be able to cover the pre-surgical procedure which up until now I was told would be out of pocket and thousands of dollars, which is seemingly impossible. Insurance might even be able to pay for vocal chord surgery, one of my biggest points of dysphoria.

I might actually be able to feel like a real human being. I might actually be able to feel like I am living, and not stuck in a surreal nightmare. It sounds pretty good.

Thank you so much for introducing yourself. I feel like I've missed out on some great people suddenly appearing on this forum. You definitely are one of them.

[Genteel Death]

Oh and you look fantastic!

[d.sound]

I actually first joined the board in 99 or 2000! I was just absent for a while.

[d.sound]

I hope I don't start spamming this thread. I like the way my face looks here.

 

[guest]

Originally Posted by d.sound

Thanks again. It's very weird seeing myself. I also evaluated my naked body for the first time. You mentioned the corporeal. Nail on the head. I felt like a disembodied, floating head having never looked at my body before.

I'm sure gender dysphoria has to seem as perplexing as i did with other people who were ok or liked their bodies. There is no way of knowing exactly what it feels like unless you experience it.

exactly, I mean everyone must surely experience a sense of dysphoria within some dimension of their life, but having it of the body would just be totally incomparable in that we ascribe so much weight to the body whether individually or socially, so to have that as an element of yourself that you can't even begin to resonate with (much less not be repulsed by) is such a burden to go through life with, probably beyond most else, and I think it's therein for me that the strength of people like yourself comes through because it's a difficulty that most people don't have the capacity to even begin to understand much less (sadly a lot of the time) even show a basic respect for.


^^ those lil digihearts are truly adorable.

[Rob Instigator]

Originally Posted by d.sound

.

Live your best life!

You have more courage than most.

[choc e-Claire]

 

[d.sound]

Cuuuuuuuuute.

"brave" is kind of weird to hear. I get that it's meant to be supportive, but living in the closet requires bravery in a different sense. It's a challenge to bury yourself. I was far more self conscious in public about my appearance before. I felt ugly. I hated my clothes. When people looked at me I felt like they saw what I saw. Something gross. Disheveled. Even though now people may find me weird looking, I prefer the way I look. People are going to look at me anyway. At least now I'm presenting something that I'd rather be, instead of a troll.

[choc e-Claire]

Aww...

I'm fairly close to the aesthetic I want - I have a stripy shirt that would've worked better, and I just need to buy some of those cliche sneakers (you know the type). Then there's hair and face, which is hard to change. But hopefully!

[Rob Instigator]

Originally Posted by d.sound

Cuuuuuuuuute.

"brave" is kind of weird to hear. I get that it's meant to be supportive, but living in the closet requires bravery in a different sense. It's a challenge to bury yourself. I was far more self conscious in public about my appearance before. I felt ugly. I hated my clothes. When people looked at me I felt like they saw what I saw. Something gross. Disheveled. Even though now people may find me weird looking, I prefer the way I look. People are going to look at me anyway. At least now I'm presenting something that I'd rather be, instead of a troll.

I agree, never meant to say otherwise. I support and praise anyone who is willing to be who they want to be (as long as it does not involve hurting someone else!)

Like Gibby Haynes said, "It is better to regret something you have done, than to regret something you haven't done"

[pony]

y'all are cute as heck! <3

[d.sound]

That is a great quote.

I actually thought of a striped shirt when I saw that claire. I'M IN YOUR MIND.

*Coutseys fancifuly

[EVOLghost]

 

Just a little photo of me n my friend in Japan.

We call this one “Chun Ni***s Only”

[!@#$%!]

hahah

cool

[choc e-Claire]

 

Practicing eyeliner ahead of a dance next week. The small titty goth gf has logged on