[schizophrenicroom]

i fucking lost my ebt card! fuck man

[schizophrenicroom]

so, i took some mushrooms/spinach and I threw it into some fusili with Alfredo sauce and turkey meatballs and had a decent dinner. not the Thai peanut noodles level of goodness i can make but bleh. trader joes' 3.99 white wine is pretty good.

[schizophrenicroom]

zyprexa made my depression worse, and caused weight gain whicj only made things worse on top. it's cool not wanting to talk about it but i offer an ear and hope you can find something that works. alcohol is fantastic but does not cure all.

[schizophrenicroom]

i getcha.

[SuchFriendsAreDangerous]

Originally Posted by PLips

i dont want to talk about my problems anymore. it no longer helps. im getting older, i have to be more stoic with pain to survive

Talking is good too.. find the balance. We all go through it. We all care for you here.. PM when necessary

[Nefeli]

Originally Posted by schizophrenicroom

i like your sentence structure. this reads like a freeform poem. i hope the docs gave you something good for the tooth.

thank you, dear.
i try to stay away from pills and pills like drugs, because i know if i ll start, there wont be a stop.
during this hardcore period of..its now 4 months and going, i have taken 4-5 zanax and i dont want it to become a habit.
which is irrelevant to a good drug for tooth pain, so yeah especially today wouldnt mind one or 2 or 3.

[Nefeli]

Originally Posted by PLips

i dont want to talk about my problems anymore. it no longer helps. im getting older, i have to be more stoic with pain to survive

i dont know what your exact situation is,
but have done the non-talking to anyone in one of the hardest times of my life and frankly..it messed my head but moreover it made me waste time on decisions i eventually took.
and i really relate to this post of yours and then i feel as i m getting older i have less tolerance in pain especially caused by health troubles of people i love.
and then it all comes to this

and in relation to what you say about internet/privacy,

that one or other way, i (you or whoever) better take some things out, or they ll eat you and top over the real* troubles.

i still use this place to rant, even though it doesnt have the privacy it used to, there is still discretion. if that helps a bit about feeling safe at least here.

all troubles are real.

[A Thousand Threads]

Originally Posted by PLips

Thanks, thats really nice of youz.

because i have a public life on the internet and confessed some really humiliating stuff in public, i never know when people on the street are talking amongst themselves or talking about me. its not just schizophrenia, its extreme paranoia and i did it to myself. its a lack of personal privacy in the age of cyberstalking and surveillance, and i am not a rich celebrity who can retreat to a mansion or an island when its getting to me.

ive never listened to an ipod but i do have an mini audioplayer. maybe it would be as simple as drowning out other peoples conversations when sitting in a cafe or bar.

my social worker said a lot of people try mind reading in public places not only people with mental illness. when my life was more exciting, i could daydream when i was alone in public and no one elses thoughts went in my head. i am alone most of the day most days and i try mind reading out of extreme boredom. it sucks.

How to Disappear
1. Sit alone in a public space like a café, garden or public square.
2. Try to shift your focus from the thoughts spinning in your mind to the sounds of the space surrounding you.
3. Consider the sounds that reach your ear, sound by sound, without granting any one sound greater significance than any other.
4. Contemplate the folds and creases of the sounds you now hear. When you hear the voice of a passerby, contemplate its tone and this tone’s depth, not only the meaning of its words. When an annoying car drives past, contemplate the harsh sound of it’s motor and the sonic spectrum of its reverberations. When you hear a distant radio, don’t focus merely on the singer’s voice or the song’s name, but rather contemplate the clarity of its frequency and listen to its static.
5. Prevent these sounds from forming a hierarchy; prevent them from occupying the foreground or retreating to the background. Always remember that you must place all sounds at the same distance from you.
6. You will find that your greatest difficulty is concentrating on the sounds themselves, for the thoughts, impressions, and memories that these sounds conjure up will persistently take over part of your concentration, pushing the real-time sounds to the background. Make sustained efforts to return to the sounds arising in your present moment, for your mission is only to listen to them, not to think about their meanings.
7. As time passes and you steep yourself in what you hear, you will discover an increasing number of sonic details around you. Each of these details will lead you to another; each sound will lead you to a neighboring one. At this point you will find that your inner voice gradually diminishes at the same rate by which you immerse yourself in your sonic environment.
8. When you ultimately succeed in listening to the place in its entirety, you will find that the distance between yourself and the space’s sounds has diminished, and that you have become part of the place. You will find that no one around you notices your presence; everyone will pass by without seeing you.
Haytam El-Wardany

[A Thousand Threads]

Originally Posted by PLips

Thanks, i am going to practice this over and over again. i remember this was posted before. im going to need some booze today though.

just don't overdo it with the booze.

I promised some friends to join them tonight for Lee Scratch Perry show. Dub Night.
suggestions on how to survive this?

[!@#$%!]

i got sidetracked yesterday and couldn't reply to a bunch of this:

Originally Posted by A Thousand Threads

yes, maybe a robot could do my work, but could it also smoke thousands of cigarettes during breaks? I mean, i got philip morris on my side! He'll secure my income so can buy his product and smoke myself to death, no?

indeed. that's a guarantee of a perpetual income.

but i'm curious about this french lawsuit... france is suing your restaurant???

Originally Posted by A Thousand Threads

I stopped watching movies and tv shows (at least I like to think that). But yeah, watched the wire twice. good stuff.

the thing with tv is, i don't know if it's just my diminishing IQ or a real objective thing but it has gotten so good that to me is the new literature. it is doing on the screen what only the novel used to do. mad men? breaking bad? sopranos? 6 feet under? some of that has some seriously good characters and stories. i'll go ahead and say it--it's good art. and yes it's formally quite conservative, it's not any kind of avant-garde, but nevertheless it's good art, like a XIX century novel.

Originally Posted by A Thousand Threads

I did read for a while though. Thomas Bernhard - don't know how familiar people outside german speaking countries are with him.... you'd like!

“We must allow ourselves to think, we must dare to think, even though we fail. It is in the nature of things that we always fail, because we suddenly find it impossible to order our thoughts, because the process of thinking requires us to consider every thought there is, every possible thought. Fundamentally we have always failed, like all the others, whoever they were, even the greatest minds. At some point, they suddenly failed and their system collapsed, as is proved by their writings, which we admire because they venture farthest into failure. To think is to fail, I thought.”

never heard of the guy but that's a great quote

Originally Posted by A Thousand Threads

Then I made spätzle. Turned out fantastic.

i've never had such thing as fantastic spatzle. i am however heartened to know that it exists.

Originally Posted by A Thousand Threads

then things went a bit downhill.
went to practice space to play with my new duo project. not sure if that project is a good idea...
she's awesome
http://vimeo.com/29231427


then we went to a music session where we played with oud, flute and percussion players from Iran.
Totally sucked, and they probably were antisemites.


oh god.

you all should watch this now:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaWpMZUorNc
Giavanna Marina

i'll skip commenting on iranian politicsin this thread but that vimeo with the pool was great-- will check out the other next

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by Nefeli

t
i try to stay away from pills and pills like drugs, because i know if i ll start, there wont be a stop.
during this hardcore period of..its now 4 months and going, i have taken 4-5 zanax and i dont want it to become a habit.
which is irrelevant to a good drug for tooth pain, so yeah especially today wouldnt mind one or 2 or 3.

when i got oral surgery done the best pain reliefs for me were

1) ibuprofen - ibuprofen really cut the jaw pain. goes by various brand names, ibuprofen is the drug itself. this is not an opiate and you can buy it over the counter as long as you don't combine it with other stuff the label warns you about.

2) weed - i don't smoke weed regularly for many reasons but i asked a friend for a bit while i was in pain and it was magic. i mean i still felt the pain but what was better was the way my mind handled it. MAGIC. a bit difficult with a big blood clot and stiches in my mouth but there are ways.

what absolutely didn't work for me was opiates. opiates turned me into a whiny shit and made my mind weak so while the pain was probably reduced i actually suffered more. i fucking hate opiates. i was going to flush them down the toilet but i didn't want to pollute the water so i soaked them in water in their jar and left them in the sun decomposing for a year. that shit is poison for the mind.

--

ANYWAY--

i really really really hope you're well.

[Nefeli]

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

when i got oral surgery done the best pain reliefs for me were

1) ibuprofen - ibuprofen really cut the jaw pain.

2) weed - i don't smoke weed regularly for many reasons but i asked a friend for a bit while i was in pain and it was magic. i mean i still felt the pain but what was better was the way my mind handled it. MAGIC.

what didn't work for me was opiates. opiates turned me into a whiny shit and made my mind weak. i fucking hate opiates. i was going to flush them down the toilet but i didn't want to pollute the water so i soaked them in water and left them in the sun decomposing. that shit is poison for the mind.

--

ANYWAY--

i really really really hope you're well.

thank you. i m taking smth that is called brufen..could it be the same?
i m also using it for period pain. its not the heavy dose and it works. better with tooth than period,but then again nothing really works with period/not complaining.
im working, although the little shit aches.

wish you nice saturday evening.


started this today

 

can go on forever with charcoal on canvas. stopping now to make some decisions.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by Nefeli

thank you. i m taking smth that is called brufen..could it be the same?
i m also using it for period pain. its not the heavy dose and it works. better with tooth than period,but then again nothing really works with period/not complaining.
im working, although the little shit aches.

wish you nice saturday evening.

thanks! just having morning coffee but aiming to get there in one piece.

brufen is probably ibuprofen [wikipedia says yes].

for period pain try reflexology. sounds like a joke but it works for temporary relief. for cramps it's a spot on the achilles tendon-- above the heel and below the calf. test around (pinch from the sides, massage) until you hit the spot, then insist. you'll notice one side is more effective than the other.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by Nefeli

started this today

 

can go on forever with charcoal on canvas. stopping now to make some decisions.

and thanks for that!!

[schizophrenicroom]

fantastic spatzle is very real. ooh man, i want some kasha. i like kasha.

re: embarrassing things online. you can pretty much track a serious drinking problem of mine in the past across the internet. no shame in the game.

stephen johnson has a book from 06/07 called "Everything bad is good for you" talking about how we're rather in a golden age of quality media, even with how much shit is out there. he talks about great serial dramas and how they actually sharpen some of our cognitive abilities and feed into our social nature. even more accurate today, i'd say.

a thousand threads- did bernhard write frost? i liked that book

[SuchFriendsAreDangerous]

Originally Posted by schizophrenicroom

so, i took some mushrooms.........

I threw it into some fusili with Alfredo sauce and turkey meatballs and had a .dinner...

There was so much better potential in the first part. When i first saw it i immediately thought the post going in an entirely different direction.

[SuchFriendsAreDangerous]

Originally Posted by Nefeli

then again nothing really works with period/not complaining..

Yes you are

 

[schizophrenicroom]

Originally Posted by SuchFriendsAreDangerous

There was so much better potential in the first part. When i first saw it i immediately thought the post going in an entirely different direction.

hahaha. i woulda replied earlier but i was busy watching college bball and helping a friend study. mushrooms never worked too well with me. last time i took mushrooms was entirely by accident after a night of serious drinking (not as much fun as the book) and ended up with me slicing my foot open. so there's that. sorry to disappoint. it was good pasta.

but, tee hee,your post sums up my life thus far.

[Bytor Peltor]

Waking up in back up an SUV in the parking garage at Moody Gardens on Galveston Island......such a great night of, Mardi Gras. Listening to Sunday morning jazz while awaiting brunch and a bloody marry.

[A Thousand Threads]

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

i got sidetracked yesterday and couldn't reply to a bunch of this:

indeed. that's a guarantee of a perpetual income.

but i'm curious about this french lawsuit... france is suing your restaurant???

Yes. We're located on the site of the French Cultural Institute owned by French governenment.

 

and with politics of austerity and everything...
french government wants to sell the whole thing, which includes a public park and our restaurant (the former kitchen of that palais on the picture).
So while we're not actually on french territory (it's not their embassy) the republic of france is our landlord....
and of course, for selling that object, it would be better for them without an inlcuding open-ended leasing contract with a restaurant.

speaking of all that jazz, here's a funny story from last year:
a group of political activists, we now refer to as the pizza punks, semi-legally occupied an ownerless former pizzeria. The owner of the building actually invited them to use the old pizzeria, because he thought a bunch of anarchos would scare away the people living in the upper floors of the object. But that didn't really happen after all.
when things got nasty,
the police operation to clear the building required 1.700 police officers. there were 19 activists in the house.

but yeah,
we'll chain ourselves to the soup-ladles.

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

the thing with tv is, i don't know if it's just my diminishing IQ or a real objective thing but it has gotten so good that to me is the new literature. it is doing on the screen what only the novel used to do. mad men? breaking bad? sopranos? 6 feet under? some of that has some seriously good characters and stories. i'll go ahead and say it--it's good art. and yes it's formally quite conservative, it's not any kind of avant-garde, but nevertheless it's good art, like a XIX century novel.

lots of people think that way.
for me, i think it's a bit too time consuming for what I get out of it.

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

never heard of the guy but that's a great quote

Originally Posted by schizophrenicroom

a thousand threads- did bernhard write frost? i liked that book

Yes, it was the first book he published. My favourite and a good starting point would be Extinction. A Decay.
"We’re often led to exaggerate, I said later, to such an extent that we take our exaggeration to be the only logical fact, with the result that we don’t perceive the real facts at all, only the monstrous exaggeration. I’ve always found gratification in my fanatical faith in exaggeration, I told Gambetti. On occasion I transform this fanatical faith in exaggeration into an art, when it offers the only way out of my mental misery, my spiritual malaise…With some, of course, the art of exaggeration consists in understating everything, in which case we have to say that they exaggerate understatement, that exaggerated understatement is their particular version of the art of exaggeration, Gambetti. Exaggeration is the secret of great art, I said, and of great philosophy. The art of exaggeration is in fact the secret of all mental endeavor. I now left the Huntsman’s Lodge without pursuing this undoubtedly absurd idea, which would assuredly have proved correct had I developed it. On my way to the Farm, I went up to the Children’s Villa, reflecting that it was the Children’s Villa that had prompted these absurd speculations (sic)."

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

i've never had such thing as fantastic spatzle. i am however heartened to know that it exists.

not sure if I should go on a spätzle rant now, it might get emotional and I don't want to hurt the feelings of the fine folks from Swabia.

Originally Posted by schizophrenicroom

fantastic spatzle is very real. ooh man, i want some kasha. i like kasha.

Yes to all of these three sentiments.

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

i'll skip commenting on iranian politicsin this thread but that vimeo with the pool was great-- will check out the other next

It was partly a bad joke anyways.