[pbradley]

Man, I wrote a long thing on Arsitotle's defining of friendship not so long ago. I don't want to rehash.

[SpectralJulianIsNotDead]

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

life goes on, then you die.

does that answer your question?

ps - your perception of the importance of "friends" will change as you grow older & realize that life begins to focus around a family of some kind, whatever it is that you choose it to be. (im not saying nuclear family, but a tribe to which you belong, which may be constituted in any number of ways). in the words of gabriel garcia marquez, "friends are shit". don't get me wrong, friends are cool, but they will take on a secondary role once you lock yourself in with your harem, or whatever it is you decide to do about that.

Yeah, I sort of know what you mean already. I have much more fun with my sister, nephew, and brother-in-law then with my friends, and consider them very important. My friends think I'm weird because I like my family. I think they are a bunch of ignorant white trash though, so you know.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by SpectralJulianIsNotDead

Yeah, I sort of know what you mean already. I have much more fun with my sister, nephew, and brother-in-law then with my friends, and consider them very important. My friends think I'm weird because I like my family. I think they are a bunch of ignorant white trash though, so you know.

ha ha.

well yeah. you know maybe all over the span of your life you'll find some friends you can consider family. but right now it's too early to tell.

one thing i've discovered though, i have to say, in other countries friendships tend to run deeper than in america. here the sense of the individual is such that most people live in a little bubble, and they take refuge in their marriage or whatever. BUT still it's important to develop new friendships and part with the stale ones as your life evolves. it's like an extended family. but yes, you lose the common ground, you lose the same old habits, and your friends are going to look at you and say "WTF happened?" and then it's time to move on. besides what i wrote about america, people here move so much that friendships are more difficult than in places where people stay put in the same house all their lives. or something... im rambling now...

[SpectralJulianIsNotDead]

I find that I'm too nice to my friends and the end up taking advantage of it- then I snap and I'm angry at them for awhile, then everything gets better for awhile. The cycle repeats until it is utterly ridiculous and then I stop talking to them.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by SpectralJulianIsNotDead

I find that I'm too nice to my friends and the end up taking advantage of it- then I snap and I'm angry at them for awhile, then everything gets better for awhile. The cycle repeats until it is utterly ridiculous and then I stop talking to them.

eh, that's a social skill you'll have to learn, to manage your borders i guess, i don't know how to call it.

the other thing is that you live in a small town and having a peculiar temperament that leans toward the romantic (i mean this in the art history way not in the hallmark card way) it's going to be hard for you to fit in.

have you thought any further about moving? maybe to philly or something? a nice arts community there...

[Everyneurotic]

Originally Posted by SpectralJulianIsNotDead

I find that I'm too nice to my friends and the end up taking advantage of it- then I snap and I'm angry at them for awhile, then everything gets better for awhile. The cycle repeats until it is utterly ridiculous and then I stop talking to them.

that sounds very familiar to me.

perhaps you should be more guarded and take people at face value, kinda like !@#$%! said.

[SpectralJulianIsNotDead]

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

eh, that's a social skill you'll have to learn, to manage your borders i guess, i don't know how to call it.

the other thing is that you live in a small town and having a peculiar temperament that leans toward the romantic (i mean this in the art history way not in the hallmark card way) it's going to be hard for you to fit in.

have you thought any further about moving? maybe to philly or something? a nice arts community there...

I know what you mean by romantic. I always hesitate to use the word, because people will always use the common meaning too.

I'm fine though. . . I'm just through with a friend who I've always known was immature but just sort of accepted it. Just seems like every year I'm through with a few new ones. So then I go to myself "I've got to find some new friends that I can have fun with for a couple of months then toss away once I get tired of their bullshit and drama."

I don't think friends are all that important really. But they can be a problem sometimes and I wonder why I even have them.

[SynthethicalY]

I remember in high school there was this girl who used to be my high school, and just last year we really drifted away. I stopped calling her. And I just went my way. is still see her around, but don't even bother to talk to her, or call her.

[SpectralJulianIsNotDead]

Originally Posted by Everyneurotic

that sounds very familiar to me.

perhaps you should be more guarded and take people at face value, kinda like !@#$%! said.

I'm going to be.

I offer people hospitality, then they take the hospitality for granted. I think I'm really going to learn to separate where I live from and where I hang out.

[Jenmarie]

i'm a terribly shy person, and i have to find certain people that i can easily talk to to become friends with. they also have to feel that same "friendship" connection i feel before i even feel comfortable talking and hanging out with them. and then narrowing down that list of "past friends of high school and out of touch friends" ...so that narrows down alot of people for me :/

i'm a weird kid.

[finding nobody]

Originally Posted by Jenmarie

i'm a terribly shy person, and i have to find certain people that i can easily talk to to become friends with. they also have to feel that same "friendship" connection i feel before i even feel comfortable talking and hanging out with them. and then narrowing down that list of "past friends of high school and out of touch friends" ...so that narrows down alot of people for me :/

i'm a weird kid.

Hey.. I can relate

[SynthethicalY]

I am the shy kid, but have been breaking out of that mold. And I usually start talking to anybody. Don't care who they are, and just start talking to them about nothing.

[Everyneurotic]

i'm shy too, i kind of try to step away from it but i'm, still fairly shy. i usually don't go up and talk to people but sometimes i do.

i made it seem like i hang out with a lot of people, most of my friend circles consist of one or two people.

[floatingslowly]

once I consider somebody my friend it's usually forever.

however, getting to the point of being friends is the hard part.

[king_buzzo]

I dont like change, but I like talking to different people, not hanging out with them for a long time. I like socializing with other years.

[Green_mind]

Everyone can get boring and/or bored at times, I don't think it's healthy to see friends all the time, but I'd never set standards of how entertaining my friends are. I don't think I've really fallen out with anyone before, I try to stay away from drama, but like some of you guys say, many relationships have drifted away.

[screamingskull]

i say 5 or 6.

[pantophobia]

Originally Posted by Пятхъдесят Шест

I can't seem to understand why people complain about their 'friends'. If I don't like someone I stay away from them. I'm certainly not calling up people who annoy the piss out of me to hang out.

Maybe you're asking for more out of your friends then you should be. How on earth do you meet people if beforehand you're mapping out what it is you want out of someone other than comradeship, or someone who is interesting to talk to.

This isn't directed at anyone in particular, but who are you to think you're a 'good friend' or interesting or not boring? Do you have lines of people waiting to be friends with you that everyone is dispensable when you feel you've got enough out of the relationship and its time to move on?

this is a great point, and besides, what's the point in complaining if you actually have friends

it's like saying this cake is too sugary so fuck it i want some pie, something tart

[Inhuman]

Originally Posted by SpectralJulianIsNotDead

I find that I'm too nice to my friends and the end up taking advantage of it- then I snap and I'm angry at them for awhile, then everything gets better for awhile. The cycle repeats until it is utterly ridiculous and then I stop talking to them.

The exact same thing happens to me. I was raised to always be polite, and I end up blending into the wrong crouds so I'll feel more comfortable in their environment, which I shouldn't. Then we become friends, they do something that I really don't like/ take advantage of me, I get angry, and it repeats until I don't talk to them anymore.

I've been through a lot of crowds lately, and nothing that I can really enjoy. The group of people that I really loved not long ago all got into MDMA and Ketamine, and now one dropped out of high school and went to rehab, one has been having constant unprotected sex and she's very young, and I don't know about the rest.
Another group I hang out with are really nice people, but for some reason are at good terms with a couple of rapists that I know, and the group is connected to the Dawson Shooting guy (a friend of a friend of mine). They're nice people, just they hang out with people that are scary.

I know a lot of people, but I have few close friends that I have known forever. I believe in loyalty and honesty, and I'm lucky to get both from them. I'm not adverse to making new friends, but if they are too demanding, dishonest or complicated for reasons understandable only to themselves, I show them the door. The more I grow older, the less I have patience for playing games.