[Dead-Air]

Told my wife's parents at lunch that we're separating in a few months. Kind of a relief to have it be real instead of a looming threat. Now I just feel weird acting as a family unit through the holidays when she's seeing someone else and I've started actively looking. In the past 24 hours I've found I am no longer as into the cuddling and kissing as it all goes down the drain that I've been an enabler via the last few months. I don't want to drive her out sooner, especially since we can't afford that, but I'm tired of getting her to change her mind for a day or three. I'm totally ready to focus on my shit rather than hers for a change.

[gmku]

Sorry to hear that, Dead-Air. And I can say from personal experience that this will pass and you'll go on to much better things. Let it go.

[Dead-Air]

Oh, I'm letting it go. I don't really have a choice there. However, with a child in the mix, I also have a certain responsibility to continue to be linked for a long time to the one I should be letting go of. I'd say I wished that hadn't happened, except he's so awesome that I can't wish it. And really, wishing anything is pointless, because things happen how they do regardless of wishing.

I've been through it and gone on to better things before. I'm just a bit annoyed to be doing that again. With someone who is in the other room playing Scrabble with her mom that I'm about to go get into bed with. I actually wish I could just check out of the scene entirely, but there I go again with wishing. So I guess I want it to let me go. And it ain't happening for a while.

[greedrex]

Originally Posted by Dead-Air

Told my wife's parents at lunch that we're separating in a few months. Kind of a relief to have it be real instead of a looming threat. Now I just feel weird acting as a family unit through the holidays when she's seeing someone else and I've started actively looking. In the past 24 hours I've found I am no longer as into the cuddling and kissing as it all goes down the drain that I've been an enabler via the last few months. I don't want to drive her out sooner, especially since we can't afford that, but I'm tired of getting her to change her mind for a day or three. I'm totally ready to focus on my shit rather than hers for a change.

This really seems to come out of the blue.
I thought you two were going steady.
what about kiddo?
Really sorry to hear that, man. Hope everything turns out just right for you.

[phoenix]

my "relationship"
my "life"

other, so many other things.

at least I think the flu will be gone by tomorrow afternoon. It tried to bring my tonsils into it today, but

[Kannibal]

should go to graveyard and light a candle.

[phoenix]

Originally Posted by Dead-Air

Told my wife's parents at lunch that we're separating in a few months. Kind of a relief to have it be real instead of a looming threat. Now I just feel weird acting as a family unit through the holidays when she's seeing someone else and I've started actively looking. In the past 24 hours I've found I am no longer as into the cuddling and kissing as it all goes down the drain that I've been an enabler via the last few months. I don't want to drive her out sooner, especially since we can't afford that, but I'm tired of getting her to change her mind for a day or three. I'm totally ready to focus on my shit rather than hers for a change.

^^ The same as greedrex I didn't really see this coming but not everyone posts their daily ins and outs on here. Fucking unpleasant situation to be stuck in at least at the moment, and you have my sincere sympathy. At least perhaps as you mentioned a little relief? (I'm hoping that in my own situation when I feel comfortable enough to move on the relief at least helps)

Hopefully things will move into a situation that is a little more comfortable for you ASAP. Often I am gloomy about these kind of things but life is what you make it and if you want there to be something wonderful out there for you after this, there really will be.

I do also hope that as hard as it might be, you can keep a good relationship with yr wife for yr kids sake. Even if you rarely see each other, at least keeping on honest and sympathetic terms I think is the most important thing. My mother's first husband pretty mcuh did a complete GTFO, it really hurt my sisters a lot, the younger one a lot more though. One of my sisters's is married to a guy now who has two kids from a previous marriage. His relationship with his ex is fairly horrid but to be really honest ( and it may sound one sided but I'd give details as to why if it weren't so rude to do so) it is entirely her fault. Again, the older kid has dealt with it a lot better. The younger girl is pretty much off the rails at the moment but everyone is hoping she comes back to earth soon. It has been really hard on her though, they split when she was about 18 months old so she's been fed BS and back and forth her whole life.

[Lurker]

Originally Posted by phoenix

trying to kick this flu. yesterday I almost had it beat. sleeptime my defenses are down.

Don't kick the flue! You'll get smoke everywhere!

[chicka]

As one who's experienced it I can say Phoenix has a good
bead on the situation. I got divorced after 4 years of dating and 20 years of marriage. Loved her dearly still
do but life goes on. Three kids so we had to stay ammicable. She's had a steady SO and me several flings
since but nothing serious. It was my drug addiction that
finally ended it. But in reality I didn't want to be married
as much as I thought I did. In retro spec I was tired of
her trying to change me. Her desire ti keep up with the
Jones etc.

Bottom line is something isn't working right. So admit
your faults to yourself and identify hers. It'll make it go
a whole lot easier. You've got to for the kid's sake. The
kid is the one that counts the most here and should not
be stuck in the middle of any nastiness. Fuck checkin out
the kid needs you!!!

[Satan]

^that blows. you should carry a knife or something.


heavy drugs
the simple fact that my heart has cracked into a million pieces
berlin

[Satan]

that sucks. the cops are rarely helpful, unfortunately. shit happens i suppose.

[!@#$%!]

pussy and red snappers (the drink, not the fish)

and i fucking love this weather

[Dead-Air]

Thanks for all the sympathy, I guess I must have been looking for it. In retrospect I can see how it might seem out of the blue on here except to a few people I've opened up to more private. I just don't like to bitch about my significant other in a public forum, and with all the roller coaster we've been having some wild good times too. So those are more fun to talk and even boast about. Of course sometimes they are an effort to blow away what does not in the end blow away. Now she wants to be best friends, and I doubt I can really do that, but we will be joined together for many years due to Lennon. I don't even know that separation might not make her want to come back, or how she can even hope to afford to move out. For now I would want her to come back or change her mind and not go. I'm ready to see if I can find something that makes me feel differently though.

My son is definitely my number one priority, even above myself. I love him more than anything and will not be a deadbeat under any circumstances. I do worry about having to fight for what's best for him though, but perhaps that can be avoided. I sure hope so.

[chicka]

BTW Dead Air

Why the hell did you have to tell her parents?

As for what I'll be doing football and golf channel surfing.

[Dead-Air]

Originally Posted by chicka

BTW Dead Air

Why the hell did you have to tell her parents?

As for what I'll be doing football and golf channel surfing.

I'm really tired of deception. I love and respect them, and they deserve to know what's going on. Spending this weekend acting like nothing was wrong would have made me miserable beyond belief. I'm a really shitty liar.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by Dead-Air

Thanks for all the sympathy, I guess I must have been looking for it. In retrospect I can see how it might seem out of the blue on here except to a few people I've opened up to more private. I just don't like to bitch about my significant other in a public forum, and with all the roller coaster we've been having some wild good times too. So those are more fun to talk and even boast about. Of course sometimes they are an effort to blow away what does not in the end blow away. Now she wants to be best friends, and I doubt I can really do that, but we will be joined together for many years due to Lennon. I don't even know that separation might not make her want to come back, or how she can even hope to afford to move out. For now I would want her to come back or change her mind and not go. I'm ready to see if I can find something that makes me feel differently though.

My son is definitely my number one priority, even above myself. I love him more than anything and will not be a deadbeat under any circumstances. I do worry about having to fight for what's best for him though, but perhaps that can be avoided. I sure hope so.

what the... fuck????

what the fuck! what?? man im gonna have to go up & read this thread complete.... you guys busting up??

[!@#$%!]

well well, read the thread,

dead-air: shit, i read all. im not 100% surprised considering your posts from a few months back, but fuck, sorry things didn't work out for you guys, even if it's now in the "relief" phase. i hope things work out civilly for your kid's sake.

nefeli: sorry to hear! i hope you're well/ you recover.

[Dead-Air]

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

what the... fuck????

what the fuck! what?? man im gonna have to go up & read this thread complete.... you guys busting up??

Yeah, it's weird I suppose. She said she still thinks we're soul mates and that is why she wants to leave. We have been rather absorbed by each other. The up side is that I've been feeling a lot more like "me" rather than half of "we" too lately. In fact, I've been so caught up in her trip and trying to make her be happy that I'd become a shell of myself most of the time.

Funny that telling everybody on here would be right at the same time we told her parents. I lead way too many double lives...

[Satan]

best of luck to you dead air, and you have my condolences. splitting up is shit as it is but it's a whole other ball game when there's a kid involved.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by Dead-Air

Yeah, it's weird I suppose. She said she still thinks we're soul mates and that is why she wants to leave. We have been rather absorbed by each other. The up side is that I've been feeling a lot more like "me" rather than half of "we" too lately. In fact, I've been so caught up in her trip and trying to make her be happy that I'd become a shell of myself most of the time.

Funny that telling everybody on here would be right at the same time we told her parents. I lead way too many double lives...

well, you're a man of many masks, so yeah.

perhaps, you know (perhaps), this can be a shake-up rather than a final thing, i mean, i don't know exactly what you guys are going through, but if shit that was festering finally pops, you know, pus comes out and shit (metaphorically), you can always take a 2nd look at making things work for the *after* perspective. in other words, as you come clean with your shit, your perspective changes and new situations become possible. i'm not saying "do this or that" but you'll be surprised at how things can change very quickly after such decisions are made.

i'd spew here my theories about marriage but i'll spare the board my unpopular rants. anyway, i hope however things work out they work out WELL and everyone of you is in a better place afterwards.