[Rob Instigator]

I hate cake. lightly sweetened bread. i only eat birthday cake if there is ice cream involved. cake for suckas. I love strawberry rhubarb pie a la mode. my fave.

[!@#$%!]

you need to stop eating the cake that comes out of a box you buy at the family dollar

it causes terrible overgeneralizations

[Severian]

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

you need to stop eating the cake that comes out of a box you buy at the family dollar

it causes terrible overgeneralizations

But in general, cake is pretty gross. I’ve had some really excellent cake, but it’s either been homemade or, in one case, a dessert at an expensive ass tapas restaurant I used to frequent. Pie, on the other hand... man. You can get a pie from bumfuck nowhere and it can still be ballin.

Not all pie, surely. Key Lime requires a deft hand. But apple pie and cherry pie are both extremely hard to fuck up.

Also, I think cheesecake is more pie than cake. It’s really not a cake at all. I wonder why it’s not just “cheesepie” ... ‘course that sounds ridiculous now, but at the inception of the thing, I imagine cheesecake sounded just as dumb.

Homemade Dutch apple pie is my thaaaang. I barely even fuck with holiday meals because for me, the main dish is the D-A-P. Oh lord.

[Severian]

Weirdly, pie posts are now relevant to the discussion here. Does that mean it should be moved to the “something relevant” thread? Hmm... big questions.

[Rob Instigator]

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

you need to stop eating the cake that comes out of a box you buy at the family dollar

it causes terrible overgeneralizations

like your over-assumption that I have not eaten every kind of cake from poor to fancy from homemade to so extravagant that I felt bad eating the cake. ( I have lived 44 years....)

Cake sucks.

Pie forever.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by Severian

But in general, cake is pretty gross.

anybody who says this is really saying “the cooks in my family are all incompetent”

i had a great aunt who made cakes for a living. o man. she’d have us kids come in to scrape the pots of creme patissiere, and eat the ends of the cakes she sold. and she’d make us THE BEST birthday cakes.

here in the USA people use garbage like reddi whip and cakes from a box. and buy sheet cake from supermarkets for celebrations. disgusting! poor people. so deprived of goodness. so many twinkies. so sad.

Originally Posted by Severian

I’ve had some really excellent cake, but it’s either been homemade or, [tldr: professional]

well, is there any other kind worth having, mr. duncan hines? sheesh...

Originally Posted by Severian

. Pie, on the other hand... man. You can get a pie from bumfuck nowhere and it can still be ballin.

it still has to be homemade to be great. a great pie starts with a great crust. the store bought shit is shit.

i live in rural america and most pie here is utter utter ass. disgusting greasy crust, oversweet bland filling. just an industrial bucket filled with industrial product. fuck that nonsense. i want my money back.

now i’ve had great great pies from roadside stands with nearby farms in places like delaware or rural maryland. hell the fuck yeah. those people know their pies. walmart however doesn’t.

Originally Posted by Severian

Not all pie, surely. Key Lime requires a deft hand. But apple pie and cherry pie are both extremely hard to fuck up.

the cherry pie filling that comes out of a can is fucking VILE

the booger-style apple filling from supermarket pie is DISGUSTING

frozen pie shells are edible but meh. those ready no-bake ones that people fill up with jello pudding and top with cool-whip are mega-disappoint. just sugar vehicles.

not everyone can make pie crust from scratch. the only crust worth having is that kind.

i had a girlfriend once upon a time who made THE BEST apple pie. it was really sublime. the apple was still crunchy never gooey. the sweetness was right. the lattice cover was crunchy and perfect. it was not too sweet and it was slightly salty. the spices were 100% correct.

like good cake, good pie requires good ingredients and a good hand. garbage in = garbage out.

Originally Posted by Severian

Also, I think cheesecake is more pie than cake. It’s really not a cake at all. I wonder why it’s not just “cheesepie” ... ‘course that sounds ridiculous now, but at the inception of the thing, I imagine cheesecake sounded just as dumb.

yeah, it’s really a custard, and the crust underneath is incidental, but it’s never a shortcrust either as i can recall, so not a pie-pie, unless a graham crust is valid? i dont know. i love cheese-pie though. also quiches. also the italian cheesecakes made with ricotta—those are cakier.

Originally Posted by Severian

Homemade Dutch apple pie is my thaaaang. I barely even fuck with holiday meals because for me, the main dish is the D-A-P. Oh lord.

i like that stuff with a slice of cheddar like they had in the 40s or something. i saw it on a movie once was WTF and then... revelation.

now let me just say that a torte is a species of cake. and a tart a variety of pie. so that opens up the whole field.

i really really really like a good tart. of course. from fruit to onion.

tortes though, with the ground nuts in the batter, dense and rich as fuck... so fantastic. there’s one made with walnuts... i don’t know the name of it. damn. damn damn damn. a good chocolate-walnut torte, with coffee, is hard to beat.

but overall i’ll take meat pies as candidates for the supreme pastry: all the goodness of everything at once.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by Rob Instigator

like your over-assumption that I have not eaten every kind of cake from poor to fancy from homemade to so extravagant that I felt bad eating the cake. ( I have lived 44 years....)

Cake sucks.

Pie forever.

all your cake are belong to sysco

they now possess your various headquarters

[!@#$%!]

ps read them and weep, america!

http://www.foodnetwork.co.uk/article...est-cakes.html

and that’s just scratching the surface

[Severian]

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

[tl;dr: but basically good pie has to be good, good cake has to be good]

Yes, I agree. Shit pie and shit cake are shit.

Nobody’s talking about canned cherries or ready-whip nonsense. I wouldn’t eat either. Bad pie is better than bad cake though.

Pretty sure we agree that in order for food to be good it should be not bad.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by Severian

Yes, I agree. Shit pie and shit cake are shit.

Nobody’s talking about canned cherries or ready-whip nonsense. I wouldn’t eat either. Bad pie is better than bad cake though.

Pretty sure we agree that in order for food to be good it should be not bad.

robigator up there was saying that any pie is better than any cake

and i quote:

Originally Posted by Rob Instigator

all pie, any pie, beats all cake, any cake.

i called horseshit

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by Severian

Bad pie is better than bad cake though.

that’s an absurd unprovable statement though

“bad” is sort of infinite

i can fill a pie shell with diarrhea and supermarket cake will be better than that

let’s not discuss absurdities

but i’m ready to say this, which is more about averages than extremes: american cake is more generally shit than american pie

i mean— this country has a decent pie tradition

however, the cake and bread tradition are shit.

i mean. the bread is to cry for. you have to go to some specialty store to get decent edible bread. when cheeto says “cake is sweetened bread”— look at his point of reference.

in other countries even the most miserable shithole town will have decent fresh hot crusty bread available daily. if you say ‘sweet bread” people will be “hell yeah.”

it’s not just a convenience thing— it’s the bleached flour and who know wtf else.

american bread is the most horrible bread in the world. it’s all delivered premixed by sysco. except for the $15 “artisanal” loaves. so i make bread at home cuz i have no patience.

but when you take european breads and cakes into account, they make the average american pie look just meh.

i mean, check out the opera cake

 

that stuff is mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[Rob Instigator]

i would rather have ice cream any day than cake OR pie. hahahahaa

[Severian]

Thanks for the diarrhea pie image.

One could also make cake out of babies and drizzle it with semen. So.

[Severian]

That picture makes me want what’s in that picture.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by Severian

Thanks for the diarrhea pie image.

you’re welcome! i hope you also got the point i was trying to make about absurd extremes. cuz that’s what it was for

Originally Posted by Severian

One could also make cake out of babies and drizzle it with semen. So.

tender meat, and an egg wash?

sounds canonical

 

but as the photo illustrates it would make a better pie

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by Rob Instigator

i would rather have ice cream any day than cake OR pie. hahahahaa

ice cream is awesome but not to worry, america is intent on shitting on it again

you know those nestlé drumsticks you can buy cheap at the supermarket,sprinkled with peanuts? cheap and tasty, good for the money, priceless on road trips

in order to cater to the public penchant for type 2 diabetes they’re now filling them up with a shitty oversweet goo in the middle— “fudge” and “vanilla caramel” shit. oversweet disgusting crap. flush them down the toilet.

some years ago they also started larding up the klondikes with who knows what. wait wait: with more fucking sugar. the motherfuckers.

thank fuck for cherry garcia. who remains true.

[!@#$%!]

i just ate the worst fucking pizza in ages

sams club’s “buffalo chicken”pizza

a bunch of doughy garbage filled with trans-fatty ranch sauce shit

the fucking worst

never again

this isnt a real buffallo chicken pizza—- it’s just fuckin bleached flour shit with shit filled shit

if you need a supermarket frozen pizza—-screamin sicilian ftw

[Bytor Peltor]

There are currently SIX profiles logged in, none of the names do I recognize and all six have ZERO post ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

[!@#$%!]

they’re reading about america’s crimes against foodmanity

[EVOLghost]

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

i just ate the worst fucking pizza in ages

sams club’s “buffalo chicken”pizza

a bunch of doughy garbage filled with trans-fatty ranch sauce shit

the fucking worst

never again

this isnt a real buffallo chicken pizza—- it’s just fuckin bleached flour shit with shit filled shit

if you need a supermarket frozen pizza—-screamin sicilian ftw

Can’t find a decent slice of pizza around here. Unless it’s like some overpriced gourmet bullshit...everything tastes like shit. Just want me a simple slice man. Also Mexican food is pretty trash too. One decent spot near me though...the Oaxacan places are dope but can’t just get some tacos or some small shit. I miss Chicago food