[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by phoenix

My biggest fears are;

I attract mongoloid types, and that is not even an exaggeration.. If I am starting over, finding friends who are not going to steal the little amount of items I may have, or try to molest me, or knife me, is a big issue..

Not so good at making friendships quickly(except for jerks ^^). Im more of a mellow slow burner type. I grow on you. I'm assuming there is no time for this when faced with an entirely new place.

Lack of money. A lot of my friends are already out of jobs, and the prospect of being somewhere new, having no place to stay, and no money past a certain point if I dont find a job.... scares the fuck out of me... mostly because of the type of people I attract (see point one)


so... tips please

i've lived in 4 different countries and something like 6 or 7 cities within these so hell yeah. it's fun.

the things is though-- no matter how much you move, your mongoloid magnet goes with you. knife-wielding wackos will sense you as a potential victim from miles away. etcetera.

so while some environs are friendlier than others, changing yourself is the essential process of the recipe. of course most people rather go into deep denial than make an actual effort to know themselves.

either way best wishes.

[amerikangod]

My two cents is that life is incredibly short. Staying in a situation that makes you unhappy, whether it be a relationship, a job, or anything really, wastes precious time.

I can understand and relate to the fear, but one day we'll all be dead. What you did with your time really won't matter at that point. Whether you lived a great life or blew it, had fun or suffered, it all gets reduced to zero at the end. Which you should see as freeing. You're free to do anything, to make any mistakes you want, and know that there is no real consequence. So ignore the fear and just do whatever you want, really. Comfort zones don't do much for us beyond holding us to routines, whether they're good routines or not.

First, break up with the dude. Do this tomorrow. Don't think it over and procrastinate. Sure, you love him, but the fact of the matter is you'll love several other people over your lifetime as well. If you still want to move, then move. At the very least it will offer new life experiences.

[afterthefact]

Not trying to call you out, but I'm just curious if you have lived your life that way, how many times you have moved, how many times you have broken up with someone you love simply because you want to find someone else to love, etc...

[jon boy]

havnt read all of the stuff on here so cant comment too much. i have moved to new cities and new countries even not so much so i could start again because of any problems but just because i wanted too. its daunting to say the least but its also very very energising and exciting and i would recommend it to anyone. it wasnt easy by any stretch of the imagination but it makes you a better person in some respects. you have no history, you can be whoever you want. plus if you dont really know anyone then you have to meet new people which can be hard but also funny and interesting.

thats a very loose reply but i am at work and cant sit here typing too much without being seen. more to come.

[amerikangod]

Originally Posted by afterthefact

Not trying to call you out, but I'm just curious if you have lived your life that way, how many times you have moved, how many times you have broken up with someone you love simply because you want to find someone else to love, etc...

No problem, I didn't take it in a negative way.

I've never lived outside of New York because everything I want is here presently, but I've moved within New York a good number of times. I'm actually presently in the process of moving to another part of Brooklyn. I'll be paying more and I'll have less space, but I'll also be living with one person that's cool versus two people that motivate me to do little but want to smack them in their heads. I've moved four times in the last four and a half years. Once into a place with some friends, then into an apartment with a girlfriend, then into this place when we broke up, and now to the new place. I'd like to actually stay put in this new place for a while, if possible.

I was with someone I loved very much until the end of this past September. Our relationship was going very well, but we came to a point where we knew we weren't going to get married and we wanted slightly different things for the relationship. We had been friends for years prior to dating, so we decided to break up while we were on a high note, that way things wouldn't degrade over time and potentially hurt our friendship. As heartbreaking as it was to do, we both knew it was right. We felt way mature about it. And we're still good friends now and everything is very cool. But yeah, I broke up with someone that I loved being with while things were still good and moved out of a home that I loved as well (kind of the only place that ever felt like a home to me aside from my grandmother's home.)

I haven't always taken this approach, I've definitely let myself flounder in situations before, and as I get older (I'm 26) I'm trying to get even better at it and enact it more quickly. I also just quit a job that paid me $20 an hour and that let me work part-time and from home part of that time (and live off of it), where my boss loved me and would let me get away with almost anything, for one that only pays me $12 an hour and that requires I work over-time. I wasn't sure if I'd have enough experience for the new job when I first started and there was a fear that I'd get let go somewhat quickly as a result, but this hasn't been the case and now things are working out quite well, even if I'm damn tired and sore. I made the switch because the new job is much more in tune with what I'd like to be doing with my time, and I hated knowing I was wasting days of my life doing something pointless.

[afterthefact]

That's cool. I'm glad you didn't take that the wrong way, because I really was just curious

I tend to change a lot myself. I have actually moved 6 times in the past 3 years (not trying to be a one upper, I'm just saying...). I just get bored with where I am and I like to change. I have a step daughter, and because of legal reasons, I can't move too far from where her father lives. No biggie to me; I knew that was what I was getting into, and it's still totally worth it.

I also change jobs a lot. I have been at my current job for a year and a half, and that is me being totally responsible. Since 2005 I have not been at a job longer than 4 months.

I'm not saying that this is better and that everybody should do it. But my take on life is similar to yours, in that it doesn't really matter because everyone gets old and dies anyway. You could be rich and live in a mansion when you are 95 or you could be in a government funded nursing home, but you will still be asking yourself the same question: why didn't I die 10 years ago like all of my friends?

[amerikangod]

All I know is if I ever am in a nursing home, I want to be able to reflect on my life and feel that I did enough with my time. If I'm in a nursing home and all I have is regret, I'm going to have to do something crazy like douse myself in gasoline and light myself on fire on TRL. Or commit suicide-by-cop by waving an automatic weapon around in a public place, nude and on PCP. Or declare war on the mafia and assassinate a mob boss. One last hurrah, regardless of its value.

[NaiveMelody]

I've done it a few times. A couple of times I have dissapeered from family and friends for a bit of time completely. Just for sanity purposes.

But when I was younger (during a break from college and again after college) I used to up and move at the drop of a hat. My friend Mary-Helen said once I went wherever the wind took me.

I met people through work. But most of my good friends I made at concerts I went to by myself. Smaller shows at bars, especially.

A good way to learn a city is to get lost.

[EVOLghost]

^^ I love getting lost.


I wish I can pick up everything and leave. Right now I am feeling more and more uncomfortable where ever I go. Everything is becoming dull to me.


Phoenix...good luck. Don't have anything to say seeing how I am not experienced in these types of situations. I don't even know what it feels like to move out of a house...

[ploesj]

Originally Posted by phoenix

My biggest fears are;

I attract mongoloid types, and that is not even an exaggeration.. If I am starting over, finding friends who are not going to steal the little amount of items I may have, or try to molest me, or knife me, is a big issue..

Not so good at making friendships quickly(except for jerks ^^). Im more of a mellow slow burner type. I grow on you. I'm assuming there is no time for this when faced with an entirely new place.

Lack of money. A lot of my friends are already out of jobs, and the prospect of being somewhere new, having no place to stay, and no money past a certain point if I dont find a job.... scares the fuck out of me... mostly because of the type of people I attract (see point one)


so... tips please

move here. i'm not mongoloid (i think) and i like you. you can live on my sofa for a while and i'll take you out for picknicks between job interviews.

i think i better go get some sleep.

[phoenix]

Originally Posted by amerikangod

I hated knowing I was wasting days of my life doing something pointless.

This is what happened to me a couple of years ago, and I stayed in the job for longer than I should have because I had a few people telling me I shoulnd't leave, just deal with it, its just a job etc. But it was killing me inside. The boss I was working for was hideous and the pay was crappy compared to what I was expected to do.


With this.. yeh. I feel as though I could put it all behind me and stick it out.. but it's eating away at me, and that I will probably regret staying, more than I would regreat leaving. Mostly because if nothing has changed so far, then there is little chance it ever will.

[phoenix]

Originally Posted by ploesj

move here. i'm not mongoloid (i think) and i like you. you can live on my sofa for a while and i'll take you out for picknicks between job interviews.

i think i better go get some sleep.

hehe woohoo. You are in belgium no? My friend is in belgium at the moment, but she is looking for a new family to nanny for, her current one isn't working out so much.

[phoenix]

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

the things is though-- no matter how much you move, your mongoloid magnet goes with you. knife-wielding wackos will sense you as a potential victim from miles away. etcetera.

so while some environs are friendlier than others, changing yourself is the essential process of the recipe. of course most people rather go into deep denial than make an actual effort to know themselves.

If there was a way to somehow turn off whatever it is that alerts mongoloids to me, I'd love to learn about that.

[ploesj]

Originally Posted by phoenix

hehe woohoo. You are in belgium no? My friend is in belgium at the moment, but she is looking for a new family to nanny for, her current one isn't working out so much.

hehe yeah. we might not be the best nanny family either, eight people in one house and no one is ever really home.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by phoenix

If there was a way to somehow turn off whatever it is that alerts mongoloids to me, I'd love to learn about that.

i have no idea. do you know what is it, in the first place? human communication is 90% body language after all. try in front of a mirror maybe? ha ha ha.

no clue about you, really, but speaking for myself, i've always been attracted to crazed women. how do i think i tune into this? microexpressions. yeah-- when their concealed emotion matches my inner state, i get a boner. "normal" women leave me cold.

as for your fated companions: maybe you put out a vibe that says "psychiatric nurse" and invites those who need care? do your eyes say "sucker for punishment"? who knows? i don't know. ask someone who knows you. get them drunk and demand the unvarnished truth.

[floatingslowly]

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

i've always been attracted to crazed women.

I share this curse.

[Kegmama]

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

i've always been attracted to crazed women.

Originally Posted by floatingslowly

I share this curse.

I AM this curse...

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by Kegmama

I AM this curse...

HOTTT.

[gmku]

Well, my wife and I have done something very close to giving everything up recently. I've started a new career in a new city, she's moved to another city, we've sold or given away a bunch of stuff, we gave up our house and now rent apartments, we've gone from suburban living to downtown city living. We may not have given up everything but we've changed a lot very quickly.

[Kuwa_Slayne]

I've ditched everything and moved 1500 miles away from my home. Part of my decision to move was for a job and the other part was to get away from some bad juju with friends. Over the years I have lost friends to drugs and suicide and I ultimately had a falling out with my best friend. Major friction ensued and I lived like a hermit and went to school. Half of my friends turned out okay and the other half are either drug casualties, drunks, or unable to function in society--so I got out.

Since moving I have actually made ammends with my best friend and everything is cool for the most part. The bad thing is that I also left somebody behind. She was supposed to move with me when she got her shit together, but it never happened. Now she's dating somebody. We hang out when I go back, but it's a little unbearable.

The move was cool, but now I wish I was back home, but it doesn't seem like it's in the cards for numerous reasons. I'm kind of an introvert so I haven't made any friends like I have back home.

It's been kind of a mixed bag for me.