[Dr. Eugene Felikson]

Originally Posted by atsonicpark

No biggy. I'm not mad in the least. Take care.

No it's cool. I get it, and my post wasn't aimed at you exactly. I have my struggles too. A lot of major shit (no joke) quite recently actually, which may be responsible for this clown tinkling all over your suicidal parades.

But I'm totally over wanting to die at this point in my life even with everything that's going on. There's just too much potential to it. If you don't see that in your own life through what you've achieved, despite all the bullshit, I pity you. I really do. There are a fair share of people on this board that genuinely admire you and your work. I don't know what else a guy with your interests could really ask for.

Everyone has major struggles in their life, which sucks goat testes, but the beauty of existence comes in the form of overcoming those obstacles. Think about any rags to riches American dream story... isn't that just the most beautiful thing in the world?

 

FOR THE RECORD: I support assisted suicide. People should have a right to end their lives if they please to - especially in the glorious US of A . I just feel bad for the people who decided to end EVERYTHING over something that they probably could have worked through if they really gave it their all. I support their right to do so nonetheless, especially if it's a medical situation.

Both my best friend and girlfriend attempted suicide during different points of my high school career. The former, I wasn't aware of till after the fact - the latter, I had to ride along in the ambulance with. I won't go into further detail, but I know for a fact that both of them are pleased that they were saved, and were able to experience everything that they've done since then. Despite my best friend accidentally knocking up an anti-abortion hoebag through a one night stand, his father dying, etc.

I'm just saying, life goes on. Everyone on here, especially you, Derek, and that rat bastard kinn should be grateful for what you guys do have in your lives. If you're still able to post on here, your life can't be all that horrid.

Or maybe I'm just bleeding with optimism today.

[DeadDiscoDildo]

Originally Posted by Genteel Death

I can testify that Dr. Eugene Felikson is far from a shallow poster and capable of discussing serious things with people he feels comfortable with.

Fair enough, I didnt even see his post. I was responding in part mainly due to adam's post.

[the ikara cult]

the religious community is full of wankers

[Dr. Eugene Felikson]

And Adam (after reading your 2nd post), I just wanna say. The last thing I would want is for you to kill yourself. But I'm moreso saying

"Shit or get off the pot."

No point in talking about how suicidal you are if you aren't going to kill yourself; hence the "wussies".

[DeadDiscoDildo]

I think you're missing his point greatly.

He's dying, not suicidal. So it has changed his view points, taken the joy out of things he used to once find them in, but now focusing on simple things and finding joy in them.

The irony of flowers, for a dying person, as I see it, is you watch something bloom, grow, flourish, nurture it, then watch it die.

I think in a way, it would give some peace and speak to one about the nature of things.

Life is momentary.

[GeneticKiss]

I've agreed with alot of things SuchFriends has said in the past, but in this case he seems to be equating people who are unhappy with their lives and want to kill themselves with terminally ill vegetables being put out of their misery. I don't want anyone who's healthy and has a lot to contribute to the world to off themselves, but I'm hoping one day euthanasia will be an option for terminally, gravely ill patients. I mean' if you're basically gonna die anyway, why not do it quickly and painlessly rather than lingering for months/years and allowing the hospital/hospice/care center to rape your loved ones with the bill? Frankly, I think the reason why euthanasia is opposed in the medical world is because there would be no need for drugs to treat symptoms of terminal diseases if it was allowed. Quality of life, not just quantity.

[Derek]

Originally Posted by Eujoe

I'm just saying, life goes on. Everyone on here, especially you, Derek, and that rat bastard kinn should be grateful for what you guys do have in your lives. If you're still able to post on here, your life can't be all that horrid.

Oh, I am grateful and I'm a very happy person right now. I haven't always had that viewpoint though.

[RanaldoNecro]

Originally Posted by alteredcourse

At least you were never committed and then dumped in back alleys once the government funding ran out. That's why the vancouver downtown east side has such a nasty reputation. A whole hospital. It literally happened, and no one cares.

Please explain yourself better. What is this about?

[Genteel Death]

Originally Posted by DeadDiscoDildo

Fair enough, I didnt even see his post. I was responding in part mainly due to adam's post.

Sorry, I wasn't referring to your post in particular. Simply pointing out that it's a little harsh to assume that if someone adopts a reserved attitude when it comes to certain issues, they are automatically prone to light-mindedness towards them. Besides, I'd be more interested if anyone has any first hand experiences on dealing with actual suicides commited by close ones or aquaintances. I don't personally believe mental anguish has to be clinical in order to produce suicidal thoughts. That would discount numerous deaths caused by squalid living conditions, stress, poverty, severe sexual abuse etc. All things that a human being could potentially be helped with, when it comes to overcoming, thus, in many cases, eliminating suicidal thoughts.

[Dr. Eugene Felikson]

Originally Posted by Derek

Oh, I am grateful and I'm a very happy person right now. I haven't always had that viewpoint though.

Oh, good Derek. I'm glad to hear it. You created Astral Travels man! You have no idea how many times I've put that on to blow off steam. And you're back together with your ex and aren't you headed off to university soon enough?

Originally Posted by DeadDiscoDildo

I think you're missing his point greatly.

He's dying, not suicidal. So it has changed his view points, taken the joy out of things he used to once find them in, but now focusing on simple things and finding joy in them.

The irony of flowers, for a dying person, as I see it, is you watch something bloom, grow, flourish, nurture it, then watch it die.

I think in a way, it would give some peace and speak to one about the nature of things.

Life is momentary.

I understand that, and you're correct, I wasn't necessarily focused on that element of his post.

However, I don't see how making himself die sooner is going to somehow cure his woes of eventually dying. Ironic flowers, or not.

Adam knows I really like him. He's right, he was one of the first people on here to ever be nice to me (him, NR and Derek). I respect him a whole lot, which is why i guess I reacted the way that I did to what he was saying.

Plus I've been baked out of my mind running away from my own catastrophic grievances... if that's worth a damn.

Que Sera, Sera

[atsonicpark]

Originally Posted by Dr. Eugene Felikson

And Adam (after reading your 2nd post), I just wanna say. The last thing I would want is for you to kill yourself. But I'm moreso saying

"Shit or get off the pot."

No point in talking about how suicidal you are if you aren't going to kill yourself; hence the "wussies".

I noted that you were probably kidding, but it came off as sort of harsh, since I genuinely do have health problems.

The only reason I talked about how miserable I am is because it was brought up. I don't make threads about wnating to die. I have plenty of things to distract myself with and be "happy" about, apparently ,and yeah I've made and done lots of things that people are inspired by and dig, but that doesn't really change how I feel ,since I make everything for myself. People always tell me "oh you should be happy, you got all these bands and you made all these movies and you have all this money you saved up and you have this girlfriend and so on and so forth." But I want something more in life. I was building webpages when I was 7, I was a hacker when I was 9, I made my first album at 12. I probably grew up a little too fast honestly. But I had to. And now I feel like an old man.

Ultimately, "things" -- girlfriends, bands/albums, movies -- and even ideas -- "Creativity", "Talent", "love" -- don't really make me happy. I'm a very well-liked person in real life, and maybe amongst some of the internet, and have good relationships with tons of people on here. But I hate MYSELF. I hate the way I look/talk/walk/act/live. I'm sure it has to do with all the abuse and whatnot, stuff I'm not going into for the most part... I'll just say that I had a loaded gun pointed to my head by my dad when I was 4 years old. And that's not the worst thing that happened. He beat the shit out of me when I was 4, 5, 6, 7, and my stepmom joined in for 3 of those years.

No matter what I do, I have the scars, I have the nightmares, I have the irrepairable damage, that won't go away. Certainly, there are millions who have had harder lives than me, who aren't even complaining about it at all. I'm really not trying to complain, just trying to illustrate how my views can be so different than yours. Nothing excites me. And sometimes it feels good to be hated. It doesn't make any sense. I'll be the first to admit I'm fucked up. But I mean well. I'm a nice dude. I'm harmless. I'm not solely motivated by pussy or weed or fucking people over, and that separates me from most people I know. I also go out of my way to help everyone out, and that separates me from EVERYONE I know, in real life. I am most proud of myself for being a pretty good person and for working my ass off and having a few things to show for it. But still, I still feel quite hopeless and dead inside quite often. Maybe it'll get better, maybe not.

But I'm not going to kill myself. But yes I am going to die for real, from my health problems which I've went into elsewhere, there's no timetable on it but without some kind of major throat surgeries I may not even be able to talk here soon. Have to use feeding tubes and shit. Who knows? I've been too busy taking care of my dying mom and REALLY dying grandpa to worry about myself much.

Anyway, I hope this illustrates why most posts would be so grim. I'm sad even when I'm happy.

[Derek]

Originally Posted by EUJOJO

Oh, good Derek. I'm glad to hear it. You created Astral Travels man! You have no idea how many times I've put that on to blow off steam. And you're back together with your ex and aren't you headed off to university soon enough?

Exactly! The soul destroying, creativity squashing 'kill the weirdo' high school days is over now! My life can finally begin..

[Dr. Eugene Felikson]

Just be prepared to roll with the punches, Derek. Because oh my, will there be punches.

PS: Adam, I really didn't mean to. You know how the internet can be sometimes, especially when you're not completely sober. Can we stop e-blowing each other now? We're both balding and have piss-ass vomit teeth... it's kinda grossing me out.

[atsonicpark]

The funny thing is, I feel more creative than ever, I have the ideas for about 100 movies and albums, I feel like I'm really good at guitar, like I feel about a billion times more creative than ever... I've been filming myself every day, I hgave been filming the birth of flowers, you can see timelapse of a plower being flanted and it blooming if I ever do anything with this material. I just don't have the energy to actually do anything with those creative impulses, I don't have the energy to put it all together.

I dunno. It won't always be like this. I am being... not... optimistic. But realistic. I always have been. And I always will be.

This isn't the end of my life or anything. Life sucks then life rules, repeat. It happens.

[atsonicpark]

Originally Posted by Dr. Eugene Felikson

Just be prepared to roll with the punches, Derek. Because oh my, will there be punches.

PS: Adam, I really didn't mean to. You know how the internet can be sometimes, especially when you're not completely sober. Can we stop e-blowing each other now? We're both balding and have piss-ass vomit teeth... it's kinda grossing me out.

That's why I wasn't mad. I "get" you, and I "got" you. It's no biggy. I don't argue with people, or at least not in the traditional form of argument where I'm trying to prove I'm "right" and the other party is "wrong".

The internet is cold text on cold screen. There's no emotion in just text, no matter how bolded or underline or italicized. I gotcha.

[atsonicpark]

Also

DEADDISCODILDO

that rep msg you sent me was one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me, I feel the same way you do, that truely shocked me and touched me and yes...

made me happy.

Thank you man.

[Dr. Eugene Felikson]

Adam, I meant to ask you, but I forgot where you posted it. So I'll just ask now.

It's about the Currently Untitled DVD. Does it have sweet special features like the 3rd eye DVD - specifically more featurettes? What is that, trashfuck records... right?

Also, if you ever wanna visit the video game thread. I've been plying the shit outta D2, Sin Punishment 2 and Flower Sun and Rain lately.

I gotta run to the bank though. Hit you back later.

[atsonicpark]

oh I dunno. I have 20 copies of it sitting at my house but have been too busy to put putting it in my dvd player. I think ith as the trailers and stuff. The art is cool. I was going to do all sorts of cool features for it but he never got back to me about releasing it, until the day he said "Sorry for the delay, it's out now!" I sent him tons of files initially and he didn't have a computer so he had to download them all at a library and burn them there. I got a msg "got em all!" and then it took him a year to respond anymore. I understood, no biggy, all that was fine, but i never really knew if it was coming out for real or not. Oh well, he did a good job with the art and so on, and has always been a supporter of my music and films, which means more to me than anything, and I could have just done the special features and released it myself. CURRENTLY.. played up in Indianapolis at an art museum Fri. and is playing again at the end of the month, where I'm going to unload half the copies and I'm going to take the other half to the college town bookstores. So, I'm not selling any right now. I am thinking of re-releasing all my films on one DVD, in a deluxe package, call it "THE COMPLETE ADAM COOLEY FILMOGRAPHY", throw in all my unreleased shorts, do commentary tracks and other shit for all my films. I'm thinking about it. Also, I got ahold of killer pimp/turbo pimp records about a possible re-release of PSYCHIC EXISTENTIALISM, since it sold out pretty quickly. I'm going to remaster it and add some new tracks and shit. I still get msg's about that one quite a bit.

Thanks for the interest!

And yeah, D2 is my favorite game ever. SIN AND PUNISHMENT 2 is incredible, but Treasure is my favorite company of all time. FLOWER SUN AND RAIN is mindfuckingbogglingly great.

I don't really visit that thread anymore because I don't really play video games. After beating Killer7, D2, and Ico, I don't feel like I'll ever play any games that effect me to such a degree. I pretty much only play Lumines or I play old SNES/Genesis games sometimes. Been playing Earthbound.

If anyone has any questions for me, my pm box is PERMANENTLY full, so go to evolghost's "atsonicpark" thread and ask away, haha.

[atsonicpark]

Aww, I like hoiw this thread ended on a silly happy noteeee

I am going to d/l some ashtray and go to work.

Jam ther new toddle on the way.

peace y'all.

[the ikara cult]

the human race really is fucking despicable