[stu666]

yo.

[the ikara cult]

Im trying to watch a documetary about Michael Watson but my internet keeps cutting out

[the ikara cult]

my internet came back enough. Michael Watson is brilliant

[floatingslowly]

^^^ I hope you mean your crotch, and not the band.

[floatingslowly]

My condolences. Tell kliphy hi.

[Nefeli]

last night in and all odds are against me for tonight too. cold plus period pain.

after next week, i ll try to stop this indoors, painting, trying to thing. i mean, i ll try to go out more. will def go back to my yoga etc classes and will add one more friends' night in my week.

[Genteel Death]

I went out last night and spent the evening with my emo friends. Been 18 is difficult.

[Nefeli]

worse than being 13-15 yrs old?

[Genteel Death]

When you are 13 nobody asks you to set up a date for a married lady who, really, fancies another lady and not her drunken wreckage of a husband.

[Nefeli]

oh yeah, that crap.
but also imagine being 13 and living in your head, since thats what 13 yrs old mostly do and trying to understand what it is you are feeling for your best girl-friend, since it isnt only her friendship that you want and why the hell dont you like the cute boy who teases you all the time and what if what you are feeling is wrong, since everyone from the day you were born has been telling you that you have to like boys.

[Nefeli]

also one word for that lady: DIVORCE. please.

[Genteel Death]

Totally. I think some people find it really hard to get out of that 13 year old boy/girl mindset well into their late 40s.

[Genteel Death]

Also, I do love you. But you know that.

[Genteel Death]

You kind of inspired me to start a thread to talk about some very complicated types of relationship. I just don't know if there would be much to say on here, maybe I''m wrong. Probably I'll just hit you up with a pm.

[Nefeli]

yeah in that case, it is sad.
in other cases, like being daydreamer, it isnt that bad.

we only live once, time passes by fast etc; why should one suffer in that department too blablabla.
but i dont know..do you think they fear the moment of coming out and making the change in their lives, or about what their life will be after it is changed? i think its the 2nd, the unknown. even if it means they might be happier. on the other hand, i cant believe how one can live in a lie. it is unbearable.

[Nefeli]

i love you too.
do both or whatever you prefer.

[Genteel Death]

The coming out bit is proving too devastating a burden on a very close friend of mine's relationship. With no thanks for him for trying to make it work either.

[Genteel Death]

I am fine myself.

[Nefeli]

kind of irrelevant*, but i am deeper in the war against the guilt syndrome.
i realised it last night. its not only just words 'im fighting guilts etc', i actually am doing it. by reflex, my mind changed its path about smth i was told yesterday. gave a kick to the guilts it created. but im telling you, its not always liberating.

*and vague and i dont have the need to say more about this here.

[Nefeli]

Originally Posted by Genteel Death

The coming out bit is proving too devastating a burden on a very close friend of mine's relationship. With no thanks for him for trying to make it work either.

yeah that is always the risk.
but he felt better with himself, no? thats what counts.
if you are losing yourself, thats the worst feeling and state. you cant handle anything.