[Cantankerous]

Originally Posted by EMMAh

Danny, find a god damn poncho.

i was quoting noel fielding actually hahaha

Originally Posted by EMMAh

Yeah, you know I'm bored when

 

where do you make those?


edit: nvm found it

[EMMAh]

It's some kind of weird Photobucket thing.

Anyways, found this on KR in a thread about Craigslist. It made me laugh, so here you go:

DO NOT EAT PRINGLES FAT FREE POTATO CHIPS. THEY WILL GREASE YOUR ASS.

Date: 2006-07-17, 2:10AM PDT


Don't even fucking say a word. I like potato chips, and can't eat them very much or I'll get fat.

I tried out these Pringles Fat-Free chips because they were super low-cal. BBQ flavor. the fuck.

The can said they had 70 calories per serving, which meant the whole can had 490 calories inside total. I could munch through a can in a day with my lunch, dinner, etc. So I got several cans, and began enjoying one a day for the past four days. But what they dont fucking tell you...

Except in tiny print you cant read without a fucking electron microscope

...is that the primary ingredient is something called "olean" which I have since learned is Latin for "Unwashable & Indestructible Ass Grease."

Oh Yeah. I'm not even kidding.

So today, while I'm standing in the living room debating whether or not Laundry or Dishes will get done first, I get the urge to fart. I live alone, so sweet. I let the honk loose and its wrong. Something just sounded wrong. I know my own wind, and I have never farted a sound that sounded like a fart wrapped in a pillow.

Oh yes, something was very wrong. I had just shat myself. But this evil olean makes shitting yourself sound almost like a regular fart, and had I not been particularly attentive, it could easily have gone unnoticed, I'm telling you. THAT's how utterly covert and evil this olean stuff is. What the fuck?! What if I'd gone out to hang with friends or gone for a drive, what then?

So I walk carefully to the bathroom and disrobe. before I even sit on the toilet, I wad paper and carefully wipe from the front. Sure enough, it was light brown, and had the texture of soft spackle. You fucking Pringle bastards.

I sat down and pushed a bit, and lo, out came a jet that I didnt even feel an urge for one minute earlier. It piled in the bowl like brown marshmallow fluff.

The problem rose when I tried to wipe. I went through a whole fucking roll of TP and could not get it all off me. So.

I jumped in the shower. Yep, its gross, but it had to be done. There I stood, water pouring down, cheeks spread, and using my own hand to make certain I'm clean.

That was when I discovered that after using my hand to wipe myself (before I soaped the area) my hand came back covered in some sort of transparent grease. It was so fucking foul. The grease made water bead off my hand. It was tacky too, and very difficult to manage.

So I grabbed the bar of saop and went to work.

You fucking Pringle bastards.

The bar of soap came away coated in grease as well, and would no longer wash. I had to turn the water to hot and massage the soap for five minutes to get it to the point where I could use it again. It took me an hour to get the fucking grease off my pucker. I shudder to think of what its doing INSIDE ME right now, but I will damned sure never eat that shit again.

Fucking Pringle bastards.

This is where the joke about "anal leakage" came from. its real. Fuck Pringles.

[Cantankerous]

HAHAHA

i have listened to "charlotte sometimes" (the cure) 14 times in a row on repeat

i miss my mommy (charlotte)

[Cantankerous]

 

 

haha
why did i do this?

[EMMAh]

I want it to be autumn soooo damn badly.

My brain and body are saying that it should be fall, but it's fucking not and it's disappointing.

[EMMAh]

Because you were bored, just like me.

It's semi fun though, making yourself. Even if it is really pointless.

[Cantankerous]

ha yeah.

it's pretty accurate
i got the grey-white skintone and the abnormally large eyes and messy hair.
and that look she has on her face. any time someone takes a for serious picture i always make that face. like a half smile and a half "come on, can we just get this over with?"

so. irrelevant.

i'm going to go watch a movie and go to sleep probably.

night night.

[terriblecanyons]

I just spent like, 8 hours playing pokemon.

My brain hurts.

[Sonic Youth 37]

Why in the fuck do I have a Gene Kelly marathon playing in the background?

Originally Posted by terriblecanyons

I just spent like, 8 hours playing pokemon.

My brain hurts.

Whoa. I played Castlevania: Circle of the Moon that much once. I dreamed about it afterwards. It was exactly like the game, except like real. Bad dream is was. Lots of Arch Demons and Arachne.

[Cantankerous]

i hate facebook chat
why am i not asleep?

Matt
u shuld go smoke one and call me and ill be smoking one too!!
1:33amLilly
haha i just went and smoked one
1:34amMatt
damn you
have another
1:34amLilly
hell no, my fkn lungs hurt
1:35amMatt
TOO FUCKING BAD
1:35amLilly
don't get yr panties in a bunch
1:35amMatt
well they are and i cant help it
1:36amLilly
get the sand outta yr vagina
1:36amMatt
I WASNT ON THE BEACH
1:36amLilly
OOOOOOOOHHHH touche

[EMMAh]

Haha, that a hilarious conversation.

Doobies make my lungs feel nice most of the time. If they don't, I just have a a smoke.

[Cantankerous]

my lungs feel like ass
i smoked two bowls in 10 minutes and ive been chainsmoking like a mofo all day

[EMMAh]

I'm a joint lady myself, but I do have a rat pipe. Never use the thing though.

I want to go to bed but I'm waiting for my samosa.

[Cantankerous]

actually i prefer a bong but i don't ever get it out unless someone else is smoking too

[EMMAh]

I'd never use a bong enough to buy one.

Frig, I've been searching Photobucket for a picture I have of my rat pipe but there's just too much crap. Found old pictures of myself instead.

Irrelevant, I just watched some messed up British show. Funny, but messed up.

[Cantankerous]

oh shit
i'm ordering this

http://www.everyonedoesit.com/online...ProductID=4805

[EMMAh]

That's crazy cool. Do it!

Found tthhheemmmm

 

 

They're crap pictures though, I should take better ones.

[Cantankerous]

!!!
it's so cute

my friend has one that looks like an elephant

[EMMAh]

My two friend's brought it back for me from Mexico.

An elephant pipe would me sooo sweet haha.

My one friend had a little tiny stone pipe that looked like a frog. It was cool but not practical.

[Cantankerous]

you know what i hate? one hitters. pain in the ass.