[EVOLghost]

who is this RUINHORSE you have in yer sig.

just curious...I listened to a track on lastfm. and it was coo.

[atsonicpark]

Who is it? It's one of my first bands! Haha. I put the whole discography on last.fm. I like some of that stuff, you can tell I'm really young and didn't completely know what I was doing. I was 14, it was only my 14th or 15th band but it was my first REAL band, you know.. a band with other people.. it was fun as hell.

Somehow, this is still up, hasn't been updated in years though:
http://www.angelfire.com/indie/ruinhorse/

[gualbert]

Atsonicpark as sticky thread, maybe?!

[atsonicpark]

Thanks for coming to my thread, everyone!

 

[vulva]

wait what? hot chicks in gasmasks? More please. I have a huge thing for chicks in gasmasks.

[EVOLghost]

not only that but she has a dildo for a hand.

[Sonic Youth Gossip]

hurray for PMs

[StevOK]

Originally Posted by atsonicpark

Thanks for coming to my thread, everyone!

 

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to atsonicpark again.

[alteredcourse]

Are you there? It's me, alteredcourse.

[atsonicpark]

Hey, how's it going altered?

[alteredcourse]

Oh yesssss!!!

I have a specific query. A good friend of mine confessed (confessed versus laid out, because she is the type that appears quite perfect in a non-condescending, cute and awesome, audrey hepburn kind of way) that she has OCD and that its been coming back after many years of it being out. I tried to ask in what ways they come back but she wouldnt offer details, and I tried to throw a bone about how she could hate herself so much for having it (its not what you are, its what you make of it kinda thing) but she is having a pretty hard time with it. She is close to breaking the hell down. I dont take her emotions for granted, shes not the type to just flail for the hell of it. Meaning...I only know about it because it is at the breaking point.

Without many personal details, I was just wondering if you could advise me on how to take care of her. I mean, I hate that she feels bad about herself. I want to protect her from thinking that OCD is some kind of flaw. It isnt, for fucks sakes. You were the first person I thought of. Have you ever felt especially self-consicous about OCD in the first place? Many apologies if you dont want to talk about it.

[alteredcourse]

Fuckssakes, sorry to bug you with stuff. I hope youre just having a good night.

[atsonicpark]

Well, what's interesting about OCD, is that tons of people have it, but tons of people don't show the symptoms of it. And often times, something traumatic will bring out the OCD in a person. It's a life changing thing. I've even heard of people taking drugs and having OCD afterwards. I don't know what really "caused" my OCD symptoms to come out, but I guess I started going to a psychiatrist after I reached puberty -- you know, I don't even know why I started going then, my mom felt like I needed to go. I honestly can't recall. I was abused from the ages of 4 to 7 by my stepmom, but I was pretty "Normal" aside from that... made straight-A's, never missed school, never got in trouble really. I didn't really start acting out. I just dyed my hair and shit. I dunno. I guess my mom felt like I was "troubled" so I started going at puberty/age 13 or so. Looking back on it, it was a great experience. I loved my psychiatrist, she was cool as shit. Anyway, I told her how I had to have everything organized or I'd sweat and get stressed out... if I lost something, I felt like I was going to faint... I couldn't just push things under the table, I'd let them eat at me... I constantly had to know what time it was... I was obsessed with order... you know, all these things, right? And she said, "You have OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER." And it was the first time I'd ever even heard of it, and I guess I felt pretty weird about it.

See, the thing is, it did effect my life in ways I didn't realize, but back then I couldn't comprehend it so much... but looking at other people NOW -- yeah, I am a little off. I relate to people really easily, and I get along with people, and I'm surprisingly popular (though that doesn't even matter, since I don't like going around people). So, yeah, I dunno, it really hasn't gotten in the way of my life to the extent that it has (that I know of) prevented me from doing the things I enjoy. In fact, I've learned to live with it, and I think it's kinda cool... you know, things in order... why not? Makes life easier. At the same time, I do have feelings sometimes like my brain is lying to me, so that's kinda shitty but eh. Between acid reflux, insomnia, depression, and OCD... OCD's the least of my worries!

But the thing about OCD is that, there isn't any one "type" of OCD. Like, you can't make a list of OCD symptoms, in a way... you CAN, we all have a lot of things in common, but there's different extents to which the disease... wait, lemme start over. I know people with OCD who wash their hands constantly -- I don't do that. I organize things constantly -- I know people with OCD who don't do that. So, the question is, does your friend's OCD get in the way of her life, to the extent that she can't enjoy the things she wants to do? Then, it's a problem.

There's difference medicine for OCD... OCD is strongly related to anxiety, in general, which often brings OCD symptoms up. I guess, looking back on it, I did used to have panic attacks in crowded areas. I still occasionally feel weird around huge groups of people. Guess I could never go to Japan, as much as I want to. Damn, OCD has ruined my life!......

Just kidding. Well, sort of. But, yeah, I don't know if there is a way for me to tell you how to make your friend feel better but if her symptoms aren't stopping her from doing the things she wants to do, then make the best of it. That's the interesting thing about OCD... except in some really weird cases, I think OCD isn't too bad of a disease. Clean freaks? Neat freaks? That sounds pretty awesome, you know, to the average person. I wish more people were cleaner and neater and more organized! Watching your weight and stuff like that? I mean, you know... there's some people with good symptoms. But then there's the people who have to count every step... well, I used to do that too... you know...

Let me start over and just say that my OCD symptoms have seemed to have decreased as I've gotten older. I dunno if this is the norm, but perhaps you could tell her that..

I dunno. Any other questions, lemme know!!

[atsonicpark]

What? Oh, it's no bother. Haha.

I want to say one other thing, if my mind is really focused on other things, I forget OCD.. for example, sex... working on art and shit... playing music... and sometimes, this message board... kinda makes me forget my symptoms. They seem to only really exist when I'm alone and not doing anything too fulfilling and my mind wanders and I'm like... "Hmmm, that bookshelf... that book is in the wrong place!"

I used to be way worse, and I had an ex-girlfriend who made fun of me, and she'd reorganize my CD's when I wasn't around to see if I'd notice them being in un-alphabetical order. Obviously, I'd notice as soon as I walked in the room, if only one CD was out of place. One time me and her were sleeping next to each other and she took one of the CD's out and there was this hole there and she said, "Okay, try not to think about it." And I couldn't sleep because of it. She was mean, aside from all that.

[alteredcourse]

Originally Posted by atsonicpark

What? Oh, it's no bother. Haha.

I want to say one other thing, if my mind is really focused on other things, I forget OCD.. for example, sex... working on art and shit... playing music... and sometimes, this message board... kinda makes me forget my symptoms. They seem to only really exist when I'm alone and not doing anything too fulfilling and my mind wanders and I'm like... "Hmmm, that bookshelf... that book is in the wrong place!"

I used to be way worse, and I had an ex-girlfriend who made fun of me, and she'd reorganize my CD's when I wasn't around to see if I'd notice them being in un-alphabetical order. Obviously, I'd notice as soon as I walked in the room, if only one CD was out of place. One time me and her were sleeping next to each other and she took one of the CD's out and there was this hole there and she said, "Okay, try not to think about it." And I couldn't sleep because of it. She was mean, aside from all that.

You are really super, thank you for not trying to conceal yourself with some sort of front about everything. "Disorders" are tricky and elusive, and you're just telling me your experience. That helps me out very much, as I just want to help my friend, and myself, and basically everyone I ever fucking meet, because everyone seems so fucked up. You sir, amaze me all the time.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>..In fact, I've learned to live with it, and I think it's kinda cool... you know, things in order... why not? Makes life easier. At the same time, I do have feelings sometimes like my brain is lying to me, so that's kinda shitty but eh. Between acid reflux, insomnia, depression, and OCD... OCD's the least of my worries!

THats how I want to feel about it, and make her feel about it. I think she feels bad that she "has a problem", and thats the problem. Of course...sometimes its just pure torture, the hell, of the compulsion, which I dont know.....I have my own thread of compulsion (self-mutilation) I dont think she goes there.

I guess I want to know from you, should I suggest anything to her, or just shut the fuck up and just listen? Mostly I just want her to at least not think of herself as a freak. I agree with you about the age thing - surprisingly, the older I get, the less OP@)(&%)(ADLKN#N%@)& I am about everything. But thats not easy to convey without just seeming..um...conceited and know-it-all-ish.

[atsonicpark]

Well, everyone has "something" wrong with them. That's probably something to make clear to her, because nobody is perfect. Would she consider herself a "freak" if she got migraines all the time? Probably not. What's the difference between that and having OCD? It's just a disease. Everyone has 'em, no one cares, you know?

I guess I'd just listen to her and try to tell her to look on the bright side about things. I'm sure if she confides in you, you're smart enough to turn around what she said. I wouldn't be forceful with it. I dunno, I guess I don't know this girl, but it's probably impossibly to completely change her mind, but if you point out the good in things, listen to her complain to you, and as she gets older, I think she'll be completely okay with things -- soon enough.

[a little off-topic in this paragraph] But yeah, there's nothing particularly freakish about it. In fact, some guys probably find it attractive. I know I do. Haha. Every girl I've ever been with has had some severe mental problems (and, no, I'm not being misoginystic -- "oh, girls are all crazy!", etc ... they genuinely all had some psychotic issues they had to get medicine/psychological help for), and I dunno. I find it kinda sexy. Crazy-sex rules.

[alteredcourse]

Haha, yeah. You know, I've been saying and doing all of that. I align completely with what you say. I guess I just worry that my delivery sounds ingenuine and cold...but thats my shit, and another story. I'll try to invent ways to warm her up to the fact that shes certainly not alone, and welcome her to the coven of batshit crazy females and maybe even coax her to the dark side of being unrepentant about our existances.

Thats some good perspective that you've lit up for me, asp. It comes down to roles, the good vs evil that shines without fail. Its heartbreaking to watch and to be reminded of, and to still see spackles of it within myself when I thought myself left for dead.

[SONIC GAIL]

I'm weighing in on the OCD topic. I have OCD and take medicine for it. Atsonic hit the nail on the head with everything. I'm not really a neat freak, but I get nervous when things are not a certain way. For instance I may have a sink full of dishes, but my canned goods are stacked with all the labels facing outward. When I clean something I never finish I need to scrub more and more and I keep getting distracted with the next thing i see before i know it 8 hours have gone by and i still have not finished. When I get an idea about the way my day or an event is going to happen it has to go that way or i starting getting really irritable almost like a kid...it has to happen how i envisioned it. I would constantly worry about things that were very unlikely to happen.

I need everything PERFECT in my relationships i feel the need to be perfect in every action to my family..I will beat myself up to no end over minor things sometimes imagined things. I put a great strain on everyone around me I was trying so hard to be what I thought was "perfect" that i acomplished the opposite. So these actions led to my most life changing experience......and i woke up and realized for the first time how i was and what i was doing.

I feel a little more free now. I know how i am reacting, acting and percieving and most times i can stop myself and get a fresh view on things. I still constantly check to make sure things are not missing, but not as much as i used to. You have to learn to let it go at a point. It helps me to talk to my husband about my anxiety over something. He helps me to see it from another perspective...and in the end i just need some reassurance that it will be ok.

Atsonic's right it could be worse! There are some advantages to being this way. My perfectionism is my drive to not give up on anything.

[FreshChops]

Originally Posted by atsonicpark

Thanks for coming to my thread, everyone!

 

proof that is pays to drop in on threads addressed to others (yeah!)

[atsonicpark]

Let's just keep this thread bumped whenever anyone needs to ask me some random thing. My pm box is full all the time too.