a customer gave me fifty bucks to kill a roach

uhler · 01.29.2009, 12:48 PM

my work got a phone call at one in the morning asking if the delivery guy could come over and kill a roach. she said she would give me fifty bucks. so i rode my bike over there and after a bit i found the roach and killed it. i, also, found a dildo under her bed while searching for the roach. i made a hundred and fifty six dollars last night.

stu666 · 01.29.2009, 12:56 PM

good work

davenotdead · 01.29.2009, 12:58 PM

i'm a damn pro at killing those guys.

i even have 4 different ways of torturing them using only a double-ply paper towel.

Kloriel · 01.29.2009, 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by davenotdead

i'm a damn pro at killing those guys.

i even have 4 different ways of torturing them using only a double-ply paper towel.

impossible. 2.75 maybe. no way you got 4.

mangajunky · 01.29.2009, 01:29 PM

Congratulations. How did it taste?

afterthefact · 01.29.2009, 01:31 PM

You said they paid you $50 to kill the roach? SO how did you make a hundr.... Oh, wait, I get it!

WAIT, NO, NOW I GET IT!!!!

atsonicpark · 01.29.2009, 03:08 PM

did you dress as a cop? if so, it's just like that movie sonny!

!@#$%! · 01.29.2009, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by afterthefact

You said they paid you $50 to kill the roach? SO how did you make a hundr.... Oh, wait, I get it!

WAIT, NO, NOW I GET IT!!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by uhler

dildo

exactly!

davenotdead · 01.29.2009, 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kloriel

impossible. 2.75 maybe. no way you got 4.

don't doubt. i may one day show the world via youtube, as long as hippies/PETA/buddhists stay off my back

SpectralJulianIsNotDead · 01.29.2009, 04:17 PM

Tell us more Uhler

acousticrock87 · 01.29.2009, 04:34 PM

No one has asked the most important question. Was she hot?

uhler · 01.29.2009, 04:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by acousticrock87

No one has asked the most important question. Was she hot?

she had a bayside cd. that speaks for itself.

uhler · 01.29.2009, 05:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SpectralJulianIsNotDead

Tell us more Uhler

ok. i went back to my work and drank some water and hung out until after 2 am. then i rode two miles home and went to bed.

afterthefact · 01.29.2009, 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by uhler

ok. i went back to my work and drank some water and hung out until after 2 am. then i rode two miles home and went to bed.

Ah, I knew this story would get interesting!

greedrex · 01.29.2009, 05:06 PM

you should have killed PAPA ROACH instead. bah.

Derek · 01.29.2009, 05:47 PM

Suffocating, no breathing. Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding.

atsonicpark · 01.29.2009, 06:08 PM

Cut my food into pieces. This is my plastic fork. Starvation, no eating, don't give a fuck if I cut my mouth teething.

Derek · 01.29.2009, 06:11 PM

Cut my meal into slices
This is my last clean fork
Suffocation
No brown sauce
Don't give a fuck if I bite my tounge eating

This is my last clean fork

Cut my cake into pieces
I've reached my last big slice
Suffocation
No whipped cream
Don't give a fuck if I rot my teeth eating
Do you even care if I eat everything
Would it be wrong
Would it be right
If I finished those chips tonight
Chances are dinomite
All the food outta sight
And I'm contemplating suicide

'cause I'm losing my food
Losing the fight
Wish somebody would give me a bite
Losing my food
Losing the fight
Wish somebody would give me a bite

I never realized i'd spread too little
Till it was too late
And I was empty within
Hungry
Feeding on fruit bars
And hunting in the bin
Downward spiral where do I begin
It all started when I lost my stash
No food for myself
And no food for any others
Searching to find chips in a higher cupboard
Finding nothing but questions and revels

'cause I'm losing my food
Losing the fight
Wish somebody would give me a bite
Losing my food
Losing the fight
Wish somebody would give me a bite
Vegatables aren't right
But fruit is fine
I'm waddling in search
I'm waddling
I'm waddling
I'm waddling
I'm waddling

I can't go on eating these foods

Cut my turkey into pieces
This is my last clean fork
Suffocation
No gravy
Don't give a fuck if I stabbed my mouth eating
Would it be wrong
Would it be right
If I finished the milk tonight
Chances are that If i shite
Everyone will be outta sight
And I'm contemplating salad meals

'cause I'm losing my food
Losing the fight
Wish somebody would give me a bite
Losing my food
Losing the fight
Wish somebody would give me a bite
Veggie's aren't right
Cake will do fine
I'm waddling and crying

I can't go on eating this way
Can't take anymore
Eating this way
But fruit'll do fine

atsonicpark · 01.29.2009, 06:13 PM

shiiiiiiiiiit

greedrex · 01.29.2009, 06:14 PM

you people know yr avant-rock awright

01.29.2009, 12:48 PM	#1
uhler invito al cielo Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Brooklyn Posts: 3,615	my work got a phone call at one in the morning asking if the delivery guy could come over and kill a roach. she said she would give me fifty bucks. so i rode my bike over there and after a bit i found the roach and killed it. i, also, found a dildo under her bed while searching for the roach. i made a hundred and fifty six dollars last night.
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

01.29.2009, 12:56 PM	#2
stu666 Super Moderator Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Stowmarket Posts: 13,498	good work __________________ http://tapewormstu.blogspot.co.uk/
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

01.29.2009, 12:58 PM	#3
davenotdead invito al cielo Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 7,784	i'm a damn pro at killing those guys. i even have 4 different ways of torturing them using only a double-ply paper towel. __________________
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

01.29.2009, 01:29 PM	#5
mangajunky expwy. to yr skull Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Englewood, NJ Posts: 1,247	Congratulations. How did it taste? __________________ -Franky Don't let yer meat loaf.
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

01.29.2009, 01:31 PM	#6
afterthefact invito al cielo Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Lexington, KY Posts: 3,886	You said they paid you $50 to kill the roach? SO how did you make a hundr.... Oh, wait, I get it! WAIT, NO, NOW I GET IT!!!! __________________ "She hated people who thought too much. At that moment, she struck me as an appropriate representative for almost all mankind." - Kurt Vonnegut Cat's Cradle
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

01.29.2009, 03:08 PM	#7
atsonicpark invito al cielo Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 28,843	did you dress as a cop? if so, it's just like that movie sonny! __________________
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

01.29.2009, 04:17 PM	#10
SpectralJulianIsNotDead invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 7,409	Tell us more Uhler
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

01.29.2009, 04:34 PM	#11
acousticrock87 invito al cielo Join Date: May 2006 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 5,515	No one has asked the most important question. Was she hot?
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

01.29.2009, 05:06 PM	#15
greedrex invito al cielo Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: in yr fotobukit Posts: 6,588	you should have killed PAPA ROACH instead. bah. __________________ Greed Recordings bandcamp ~The Rex~, stalkin' yr shit since 2008.
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

01.29.2009, 05:47 PM	#16
Derek invito al cielo Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 8,095	Suffocating, no breathing. Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding.
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

01.29.2009, 06:08 PM	#17
atsonicpark invito al cielo Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 28,843	Cut my food into pieces. This is my plastic fork. Starvation, no eating, don't give a fuck if I cut my mouth teething. __________________
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

01.29.2009, 06:11 PM	#18
Derek invito al cielo Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 8,095	Cut my meal into slices This is my last clean fork Suffocation No brown sauce Don't give a fuck if I bite my tounge eating This is my last clean fork Cut my cake into pieces I've reached my last big slice Suffocation No whipped cream Don't give a fuck if I rot my teeth eating Do you even care if I eat everything Would it be wrong Would it be right If I finished those chips tonight Chances are dinomite All the food outta sight And I'm contemplating suicide 'cause I'm losing my food Losing the fight Wish somebody would give me a bite Losing my food Losing the fight Wish somebody would give me a bite I never realized i'd spread too little Till it was too late And I was empty within Hungry Feeding on fruit bars And hunting in the bin Downward spiral where do I begin It all started when I lost my stash No food for myself And no food for any others Searching to find chips in a higher cupboard Finding nothing but questions and revels 'cause I'm losing my food Losing the fight Wish somebody would give me a bite Losing my food Losing the fight Wish somebody would give me a bite Vegatables aren't right But fruit is fine I'm waddling in search I'm waddling I'm waddling I'm waddling I'm waddling I can't go on eating these foods Cut my turkey into pieces This is my last clean fork Suffocation No gravy Don't give a fuck if I stabbed my mouth eating Would it be wrong Would it be right If I finished the milk tonight Chances are that If i shite Everyone will be outta sight And I'm contemplating salad meals 'cause I'm losing my food Losing the fight Wish somebody would give me a bite Losing my food Losing the fight Wish somebody would give me a bite Veggie's aren't right Cake will do fine I'm waddling and crying I can't go on eating this way Can't take anymore Eating this way But fruit'll do fine
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

01.29.2009, 06:13 PM	#19
atsonicpark invito al cielo Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 28,843	shiiiiiiiiiit __________________
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

01.29.2009, 06:14 PM	#20
greedrex invito al cielo Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: in yr fotobukit Posts: 6,588	you people know yr avant-rock awright __________________ Greed Recordings bandcamp ~The Rex~, stalkin' yr shit since 2008.
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|