all of 2005-early 2008... I just wanted to to kill myself. However, I somehow felt that it wasn't my thing to exit out of life yet. I was socially awkward didn't have friends or that much people to talk to. I finally saw a therapist, she helped me see a better person in me. Then I met a friend at school, till I met my best friend. I sometimes get down, or suicidal but is not as often as before.

It's not something worth being upset about in retrospect, but after my ex girlfriend left me for a friend of mine I was pretty much antisocial and not wanting to do anything with my life and just die for almost 4 years. I still get really lonely and sad since then, but I've gotten better. I'm more social now and all... but for that period I was useless and would wake up every day with that immense loneliness clouding over my head.

Like a couple others have said, this past year. It's been awful. My stalker is getting weirder and weirder and has started harassing more and more of my friends. Everything else has been fine though, it's just shit to live through this sometimes.

ok so
i'm not exactly depressed but i ain't no ball of sunshine either
i just feel like i am directionless and serve little purpose. i sleep all day, and when i get up i go sit on my ass and smoke pot. sometimes i go to someone else's house and sit around and smoke pot. once i get adequately stoned i might get up to eat and fuck around on my drums/gtr/whatever instrument. not much else. i don't ever (seriously, never) even get dressed unless i have to leave the house out of necessity.

what do i do about this? because i feel like a fucking lazy waste of space, which is going to lapse into severe depression if i don't take action. should i get a job?

most definitely yes.
you just need something to get you occupied.
and also, shoot a lot with Holga. that's an added value (plus, you're talented)

truthfully i could probably use a job from a financial point of view
i don't mean waste of space like i'm some kind of horrible person or something who doesn't deserve to live, just that i don't make anything of myself and i don't contribute much of anything to the earth and there are too many people like that and i don't want to be one of them

slavo i haven't shot anything on my holga in quite awhile. thank you for thinking i'm talented.
i've barely touched an instrument in weeks (i've been away from home but i have access to guitars where i was staying)
maybe i should start taking my medicine again

i will do that since you asked, thank you guys so much

it doesnt seem to have any impact on my creativity they just make me like, fake-happy. i would rather be proactive about it and actually do something to make myself happy than pop pills like candy

i quit taking my shit for the same reason. exactly. the pills that did anything good i was gobbling up practically by the handful so i had to stop

i can get better drugs on the street anyway

see we obviously understand each other. exactly everything that you just said.
i can't take drugs responsibly though.
(weed doesn't count.)

i dunno. i have to figure something out
sooner or later all my rage and misanthropy and battle wounds are just going to spill out and i will channel it into something creative instead of directing it at myself or other people but it never felt as good to write a song as it did to self medicate

i will
i can't force it out but i have at least lately been writing down ideas for songs and lyrics and talking with people and apparently i'm in a couple of bands?

just listen to crowbar albums and fester in self-loathing. works for me.

And Satan, could you please replace your signature with something less boring?

"not too good" has become "pretty bad"

fuck you i love ikue mori. make your own signature.

productivity helps, trust me, it's from my own experience.

More often than not.

fuck yeah, self-loathing. this board rules.

i was totally expecting someone to derail this thread with "I'VE NEVER BEEN SAD ABOUT ANYTHING" and we could all gang up on them.

depression =/= self loathing

I skipped over this thread alot before I decided to respond:
When my 3-year-old daughter died. the worst.

That is fucking terrible. I lost my mom when I was 18, but I could not even imagine loosing one of my babies. They are my reason for living. You will see her in heaven one day. I promise.

:(

i'm sorry artssy. Makes my problems seem miniscule...