The SY singles bar.
 

I'm sitting at the end of the bar slouched over a Red Stripe.

Bill Murray is the bartender.

Here by Pavement is playing.

Puke, oops sorry... I tend to do that at bars...

I never been to a bar. I think I am missing things of life.

this is an imaginary bar.


I walk over to the pinball machine. Let's play some pinball Synthetically!

Mystery by the Wipers is playing.

You better be careful I am very good at it.

Also, I just realized this is a singles bar, so I might leave.

I play a round of pinball and score 440,000.

No pressure, this is a singles bar, but I'm straight. I don't see any girls around, might as well play some pinball.

I could really turn that phrase really gay.

I beat you I scored 500,001 points.

After clearing up my stuff, I walk over to play pool with some girls lounging around. After they beat me, I sit down to talk to Bill Murray... "Hey!" He says, smiling; waving, when he spots Scarlet Johanson coming in... I go listen to the band...

I open a tab and tell the bartender to keep the double scotches on the rocks comin'. I tell everyone trying to make small talk with me to "feck off."

i walk in and me and johanson start having amazing sex on the bar as everyone watches our pales bodys slide against one another

Bill Murray smacks his head "not again"

John Goodman- the bouncer- looks at Alien Anal and tells "go take it to an elevator Giovanni Ribishi!" and starts to break up the hot sex.

I order a rum and cola, put my back to the bar, and lean back in a cool pose, with my sunglasses on, scoping for chicks.

I see Thurston Moore come in all sweaty from a rocking concert.

The ceiling rips off and God sticks his head in and tells us that there is a ten dollar bill in each of our left pockets. And there are.

Then he tells use to bugger off as he floats out the front door.

I quietly call Him a cunt.

what r u doin in here thurston!

With his ears like ben stiller he catches the remark, and lights your hair on fire. The room roars with laughter.

I kick God in the balls and he disappears in pain and shame.

Thurston yells "Sonic Life!"

then buys everyone a round

I go over to the bulletin board and post an ad "guitarist looking for a band" right next to a bulletin that says "This Friday: Gang of Four at the SY singles bar, Opening act: Thurston Moore and Nels Cline"

I then pay my tab and yell "goodnight guys! be back tomorrow!" then I leave

I see the poster for Gang of Four and get really estatic, then I see Nels Cline's name and sit back down despondently... By this time I was really wishing Laila would come into the bar.. Then I remember she's Muslim... Damn, there is no God...

I see beautiful women, and want to talk to them.

I see Syntheticaly and want to spank my radio... I ask the band to play I dreamed i Dreamt by SY and pass them the 10 dollar bill God gave everyone...

I ask Thurston what kind of music will SY release next?

He says "More POP."

I walk in, not because i'm single, but because it's a bar.

ROUND OF DRINKS ON ME!!!

And you catch the drips that are falling with your mouth.

john goodman is being a bitch and wont let me in...he says ive had too much to drink already...i tell him he stole the movie in big lebowski and he just punches me in the stomach...

what?!

Never have been to one, sorry I just don't feel the need to go to one. Especially since I don't drink.

I also have never been to a gay club.

You're not missing much.

Then you've just lost your bar cherry, because this is exactly how it is... Pull up your chairs, boys, bartender; martians all around! And... Play it again, Pavement! ;)

Thought so porky. The whole gay club scene never appealed to me.

i never had any interest in going to pubs until i was 22 because i didn't like drinking when i was younger but i still would go to them because it would be where my friends would want to go.
plus, i'm not gay but i've been to a couple of gay clubs, i got out unscathed.

I wonder how long will it be before I finally get to one.

I walk into the bar.

Ouch.

*rimshot*

...?

If you don't feel like going to one, there is no reason why you should.

Yeah, I don't really want to go to one, and don't intend on going to one.

My housemate works in one. The start of Workin 9 to 5 gives him seizures.

She still can order a milkshake, can't she?

Yeah, I suppose... So, is she coming? :)

would bill murray make laila a milkshake? he'd probably take one look at her and drive her home in a golf cart.