most hopelessly gun-in-your-mouth depressed you've ever been?
 

Reveal the deepest, darkest times in your life.

Probably last year. Couple of deaths, love stuff, school stuff. I was just generally really sick of everything.
Nothing a couple of drinks couldn't fix! hurhur

Yeah man. This past year.. from august 8th, 2008 to now.. has definitely been the worst year of my life.

Just found out I was adopted, broke my foot, relatives died... yeah, it wasn't too fun.

What happened on the 8th august that initiated it? If I may ask so.

When my friend killed himself with me and one or two others present, we were skateboarding, and he threw himself into a car and got his head crushed.
Telling a mom about how her son killed himself is not something I wish on anybody.
Haven't skated since.

My aunt died. I really only had 3 family members left in my life.. grandpa, mom, and aunt. She died (of an accidental prescription overdose) (no, she didn't take anything extra, and she didn't take any more of her medication than she should've) (yes, my mom and grandpa have decided to sue the doctor that prescribed the medication she was on...), and that caused my grandpa and mom to go insane and become suicidal themselves. I inherited a house that my aunt was renting out to some scummy people at the time, and I had to kick these people out, and I've been in and out of court myself a good 20 times at least. A blackness has filled my heart because of all of this.. and there's more... and my friends and, uh, girlfriend I guess, have all said I've become less "enjoyable" to be around. Also, my job too -- they say I have an attitude problem. I'm not directly blaming it on anything in particular, but certainly, all the shit I've dealt with in the past year.. and the fact that no one has been willing to try to understand the difficulties I've been facing.. has contributed to this being the worst year of my life.

i've been diagnosed with depression but i just think that doctors don't know genius when they see it

I don't know what caused it particularly but I had an adjustment disorder my third year of college. Sleeping all day, refusing social interaction, thoughts of suicide daily, etc. I got out of it right before my mother was deciding to put me on anti-depressants. However, I think I heard that remission is high for AD.

When 'N Sync broke up.

I don't like guns, I prefer teh shower floor with some good cutlery myself. But anyway.. not for a while now. A few seperate times definately.

Unfortunately I can relate to the work situation, when I've felt god-awful, my workmates always noticed. It's hard because you're usually doingn your best to hold it together and just get through the day, and when people come out with 'lighten up' and what not.. it doesn't help.

erm, the best advice I can give is to just really work on believing there is light at the end of it all, because there often is. Focusing on really picturing how things WILL be better soon enough, even if it is hard to believe right now, helps.

I tend to really become quite introverted and more spiritual in those times. It helps me to try and remember that I'm just in a transition period, and that life does not ever stop to leave you completely lost and stuck in any one moment. I believe in connecting energies in all things/people, and that every point in life has something to learn from even if it is thoroughly an awful experience. If you take a moment to really examine how your life is, you might find that aside from the things you cannot control, some of the downward spiral might be something you can stop, or give in to (if it is a path that is unavoidable, and fighting against it in the first place is what is causing the slump).

so, yeh.

Gun to the lower back of the head/neck is probably the fastest way. Take out the medulla and you're done. Most everything else endangers only brain damage.

And I disagree with the "light at the end of the tunnel" answer. Come to understand the beautiful things about the tunnel.

exactly pbradley. The thing about depression is it can be really hard to focus on anything but the negatives, but you have to put things in perspective, no matter how hard it is to do.

Would never say I was ever so depressed I was on the verge or seriously contemplated suicide, however there was a time when I went to the emergency room because I was vomiting blood. They had to put a tube down my nose to my stomach, and I had to stay in the hospital for about three days just laying in a bed. That was probobly me at my most helpless and desperate. It fucking sucked and its an experiance I will never forget.

I prefer the slow-motion kind.

Earlier this year. Whenever that last halfassed OD was. Or the start of freshman year. Maybe last year. I have no idea.

I feel like I peaked as an individual in the fucking eighth grade. s'all downhill from here.

2006, January to July

January - got fired from work
February, March - was desperate looking for a job, with money running out
April - mom died suddenly, 2 weeks after that my then-girlfriend dumped me
May, June - I don't really recall this period, I was half-conscious
July - started feeling better, but the previous months were sheer terror.

right before I accepted my life is total shit.

I hear that all the time. It may be true...but I am not thoroughly convinced...heh.

meh.





(that response may in fact be how I react to life.)

all of 2005-early 2008... I just wanted to to kill myself. However, I somehow felt that it wasn't my thing to exit out of life yet. I was socially awkward didn't have friends or that much people to talk to. I finally saw a therapist, she helped me see a better person in me. Then I met a friend at school, till I met my best friend. I sometimes get down, or suicidal but is not as often as before.

It's not something worth being upset about in retrospect, but after my ex girlfriend left me for a friend of mine I was pretty much antisocial and not wanting to do anything with my life and just die for almost 4 years. I still get really lonely and sad since then, but I've gotten better. I'm more social now and all... but for that period I was useless and would wake up every day with that immense loneliness clouding over my head.

Like a couple others have said, this past year. It's been awful. My stalker is getting weirder and weirder and has started harassing more and more of my friends. Everything else has been fine though, it's just shit to live through this sometimes.

ok so
i'm not exactly depressed but i ain't no ball of sunshine either
i just feel like i am directionless and serve little purpose. i sleep all day, and when i get up i go sit on my ass and smoke pot. sometimes i go to someone else's house and sit around and smoke pot. once i get adequately stoned i might get up to eat and fuck around on my drums/gtr/whatever instrument. not much else. i don't ever (seriously, never) even get dressed unless i have to leave the house out of necessity.

what do i do about this? because i feel like a fucking lazy waste of space, which is going to lapse into severe depression if i don't take action. should i get a job?

most definitely yes.
you just need something to get you occupied.
and also, shoot a lot with Holga. that's an added value (plus, you're talented)

truthfully i could probably use a job from a financial point of view
i don't mean waste of space like i'm some kind of horrible person or something who doesn't deserve to live, just that i don't make anything of myself and i don't contribute much of anything to the earth and there are too many people like that and i don't want to be one of them

slavo i haven't shot anything on my holga in quite awhile. thank you for thinking i'm talented.
i've barely touched an instrument in weeks (i've been away from home but i have access to guitars where i was staying)
maybe i should start taking my medicine again

i will do that since you asked, thank you guys so much

it doesnt seem to have any impact on my creativity they just make me like, fake-happy. i would rather be proactive about it and actually do something to make myself happy than pop pills like candy

i quit taking my shit for the same reason. exactly. the pills that did anything good i was gobbling up practically by the handful so i had to stop

i can get better drugs on the street anyway

see we obviously understand each other. exactly everything that you just said.
i can't take drugs responsibly though.
(weed doesn't count.)

i dunno. i have to figure something out
sooner or later all my rage and misanthropy and battle wounds are just going to spill out and i will channel it into something creative instead of directing it at myself or other people but it never felt as good to write a song as it did to self medicate

i will
i can't force it out but i have at least lately been writing down ideas for songs and lyrics and talking with people and apparently i'm in a couple of bands?

just listen to crowbar albums and fester in self-loathing. works for me.

And Satan, could you please replace your signature with something less boring?

"not too good" has become "pretty bad"

fuck you i love ikue mori. make your own signature.

productivity helps, trust me, it's from my own experience.

More often than not.

fuck yeah, self-loathing. this board rules.

i was totally expecting someone to derail this thread with "I'VE NEVER BEEN SAD ABOUT ANYTHING" and we could all gang up on them.

depression =/= self loathing

I skipped over this thread alot before I decided to respond:
When my 3-year-old daughter died. the worst.

That is fucking terrible. I lost my mom when I was 18, but I could not even imagine loosing one of my babies. They are my reason for living. You will see her in heaven one day. I promise.

:(

i'm sorry artssy. Makes my problems seem miniscule...