[atari 2600]

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
Why do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always clear?
Why do they call them "Free Gifts"? Aren't all gifts free?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Where do forest rangers go to "Get away from it all"?
Whatever happened to Preparation A through G?
If a cow laughed hard, would milk come out of her nose?
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?
When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up...what did he go back to?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box? Why don't women put pictures of their missing husbands on beer cans?
If we're here to help other people, what are the other people here for?

Why is it called "after dark" when it is really "after light"?
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
Why do we say "Something is out of whack". What is a whack?
Why do "Tug" boats "Push their barges?
Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
Why don't women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
What do chickens think we taste like?
What do people in China call their good plates?
What do you call a male ladybug?
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, how do they get baby oil?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
How do "Keep off the grass" signs get where they are?
Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?
Why are they called "apartments" when they're stuck together?
Why there isn't a shorter word for monosyllabic?
Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we're already there?
Why are they called "stands" when they're made for sitting?
Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same?
Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same?
What's the difference between flammable and inflammable?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages when its just stale bread to begin with ?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
If people from Poland are called "poles", why aren't people from Holland called "Holes"?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
Was it a cruel joke to put an "s" in the word "lisp"?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Why women can't remember to leave the lid up?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
Can you imagine a world with no hypothetical situations?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
If infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit?
Why you park on driveways and drive on parkways?
What's the difference between null and void?
Why hysterectomies happen to her and hernias happen to him?
Why they call them buildings? Shouldn't they be called builts?
What's another word for thesaurus?
What's another word for synonym?
What did they go back to before they invented drawing boards?
Is it possible to have a civil war?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Why aren't hemorrhoids called asteroids?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is this a hostage situation?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Why the alphabet is in that order?
What do batteries run on?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
What keeps electricity in the wall?
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to talk?
Why is the word "abbreviation" so long?
What do you do if you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
What is the speed of dark?
Who was the first person to eat an oyster?
How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?

[atsonicpark]

at night your panties fly at me from the corers of the room
like wild parrots in atropical storm
my plan is to trap them and sell them ilegally
across the broaders

mexicans will love them and pay top perv peso
i know if i was a mexicano, i would rub them in mi ammigos face and say "LOOK AT THE BEAUTIFUL PANNTEZZ"

there are no less than 22 diffeent species residingin in the vivid country of your edroom but they're not at all exotic birds or anything some are sil fish slk fish running the surfaces o the sock drawer raccoons break in the middle of the night too ad tease them out of their hiding PLACES FUCKKAK
'
IN THE MORNING I'V SE THEM MODELING
YOUR RED THONGS
TO YOUR BLACK DOGS

your yn]underpants are a perverts coloring book
diego riveras fingerpreints are all over them
your backside
the wet side

a thin black veil covers an ass i would confess to and propose to and eventually may\rrymarry
my heaert flashes like a hummimngburds wing when you walk int the room

whoo

[floatingslowly]

I see you too have witnessed nature's raw fury; the wonderous beauty of a pantystorm in full bloom.

thank whatever dark dog you prey to that this ain't Portugal, dig?

[atsonicpark]

hahha

uhh, I don't remember writing that shit. seriously.

..everclear..

[Glice]

Seems a shame to leave the poor chap hanging all these many years...

Originally Posted by atari 2600

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

No - luggage is a means to an end; the moon an ideological, political gambit. The latter moves things quicker than general common sense.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

Babies are taken, in many cultures, to represent peacefulness and innocence; poor sleep is generally associated with anxiety.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

A movie is generally thought to be a theatrical event; TV is considered documentary. So 'in' a play, 'on' a report (meaning featured).

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Perspectives away from ourselves drives a lot of our desires (hence art and so on). Hence people will pay for a different perspective in a topographically literal sense.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

Technically, there are easily more than 50 who could be pres'nit. But otherwise, Miss America is about very little, so a broad choice highlights the finitude of those criteria.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Societal decency is a matter or procedure, not necessarily logic. Moreover, it's a gesture of where the lines of the trust in a personal matter lie.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Illiterate people probably have the same effect - it's a load of letters. It's only the aspergic/ anal who try and make sense of it, foolishly.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Of course; the plaintiff's aural response is of lesser importance than the 'hearing' of a court of 'equals'.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

What disease did cured ham actually have?

Homonymy, look it up.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

The 'Buffalo' doesn't refer to the meat - obvious, if you consider that buffalo don't actually have wings

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always clear?

The colouring doesn't affect the chemical process, I imagine. I'd have to look into it more.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why do they call them "Free Gifts"? Aren't all gifts free?

It's either emphatic (and therefore tautological) or implies that a gift may incur undisclosed costs - viz, the free may refer to the financial cost but not the general expenditure.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Worldwide, I'd say no - In much of the west, I expect that Christmas day is probably a fair bet to be mattress-sale-free.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Where do forest rangers go to "Get away from it all"?

Wherever they feel peaceable and relaxed. The forest is not absolutely considered a 'get away from it all' place. I enjoy the beach, for instance.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Whatever happened to Preparation A through G?

H stands for haemarrhoids - it doesn't imply a sequential letter-based nomenclature.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

If a cow laughed hard, would milk come out of her nose?

Unlikely - the milk is made elsewhere, and it would need to be regurgitated through a series of stomachs, all equipped with one-way valves. If it were drinking milk, it might - but it stands to be seen whether cows actually laugh.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?

Because 'onety' isn't a word. Tenty-one is perhaps the more pertinent question, but I suspect it's to do with the nature of English in its early phases, when 12 was a more significant number than 10 is considered now.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up...what did he go back to?

'The drawing board'. It's a figure of speech - so while we have an idea of what a drawing board is, this person (not necessarily male) who invented it would go back to whatever stood in for our concept of 'drawing board'. Back to the tabula rasa, perhaps.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Assassination implies a certain value to the person, or a value in the murder - so wives of nobodies can have their husband 'assassinated' because his death has a value for her.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

A colleague.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

I refer you to my earlier answer.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Again, answered already.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Again, answered already.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

It's easier to manufacture cardboard into squares; pizzas, meanwhile, are easiest made circular.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why don't women put pictures of their missing husbands on beer cans?

Implying men do the same? Perhaps it's just never been thought of before?

Originally Posted by atari 2600

If we're here to help other people, what are the other people here for?

Also to help. There's a lot to do.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why is it called "after dark" when it is really "after light"?

'After the beginning of dark' or 'after it has got dark' - we frequently shorten sentences, for a variety of reasons, but they are mostly understood by the contingency of a common language.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

Does a vacuum suck though, or is the vacuum what creates the illusion of 'sucking'?

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

'Second' refers to seconds, as in the smallest main increment of an hour.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why do we say "Something is out of whack". What is a whack?

A good and fair question - perhaps the first in this list. Suggest asking google.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why do "Tug" boats "Push their barges?

Do they?

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?

Yes, relatively speaking - the front.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

Perhaps they know something you don't know, louder.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?

I think it's a name, rather than an invitation for amphibians' furniture.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?

Many inherit money from family, and simple, menial jobs are easy to come by.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why don't women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans

Again, answered this already.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

Oh, you.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

You would have to take this up with the department itself - the UK has no such department.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

'He' isn't a person. You've misunderstood something there.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

The figure of speech continues to fail to live up to its hyperbolic appearance.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Because they don't know everything. 'Psychic' doesn't imply knowing all things.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?

Ante meridiem refers to the time of day; amplitude modulation, the radio band.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

What do chickens think we taste like?

Chickens don't think, to the best of my knowledge.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

What do people in China call their good plates?

Possibly china, assuming homonymy and English. Otherwise, whatever the Chinese word for that material is.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

What do you call a male ladybug?

Whatever its biological name is - we call them 'ladybirds' here. The lady may refer less to gender and more to their effeminate appearance (according to whoever named them).

Originally Posted by atari 2600

What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?

Bald.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Smurfs are fictional creatures.

[Glice]

Originally Posted by atari 2600

What color is a chameleon on a mirror?

Whatever colour it is in reality.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Insh'Allah.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?

I don't have a TV.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, how do they get baby oil?

'Oil for babies' - the similarity in syntactic construction has misled you to a false conclusion.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Presumably, he preferred to be clean-shaven, and found a means of maintaining his appearance.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

How do "Keep off the grass" signs get where they are?

By people putting them there. It's an advice, not an absolute invocation of death for any transgressors.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

Feet do smell. Noses are said to 'run' because normally viscous material is loosened, giving the impression of 'running' (used as a figurative simile).

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?

'Go off' is taken to mean 'began' in many English speaking countries.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why are they called "apartments" when they're stuck together?

Because each is 'a part' of the whole (which is, incidentally, not 'stuck together').

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why there isn't a shorter word for monosyllabic?

The question is is there a more exacting word than monosyllabic for what it describes?

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we're already there?

Because you're idiots?

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why are they called "stands" when they're made for sitting?

Freestanding construction - the 'free' is omitted.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?

Because a bra is a single piece of material (in its original form) - 'panties' are generally made from two or more bits of fabric.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same?

Fat chance is ironic; slim chance is hyperbolic.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same?

Neither 'up' nor 'down' are appropriate adjectives for describing speed, except abstractly and by convention; hence the 'up' and 'down' are used less descriptively and more as intensifiers.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

What's the difference between flammable and inflammable?

Flammable means 'may catch fire'; inflammable means 'highly combustible' (if my memory serves me right).

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why do croutons come in airtight packages when its just stale bread to begin with ?

The state of putrefaction may always get worse (see also cheese).

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Ah, again, near homonymy.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

If people from Poland are called "poles", why aren't people from Holland called "Holes"?

Naming conventions don't necessarily follow a continuous logic - particularly when the people being named come from distinct language sets.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

Why don't 'they', eh?

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Was it a cruel joke to put an "s" in the word "lisp"?

No - it's easier to wheedle out the fakers that way.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

Substantially, perhaps - who could tell without removing the sponges?

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Presumably, if coffee is their bag.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why women can't remember to leave the lid up?

I don't think they're obliged to, are they?

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Because the bottle is generally vacuum sealed - it's exposure to air that generally begins the constriction of the material.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

Yes - skinny dipping refers to being naked in public, not to the size of the participant.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?

In his car, or perhaps he walks, or has the snow 'plow' in his drive.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

Shipment implies transportation; cargo implies part of a larger stock on a ship.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Can you imagine a world with no hypothetical situations?

No.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

It is spelt the way it sounds, so long as you know that the morpheme 'ph-' implies an 'eff' sound.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

If infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Perhaps - an odd comparison though.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit?

On stage.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why you park on driveways and drive on parkways?

You crazy Americans.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

What's the difference between null and void?

Null implying without numerical value; void implying spatially empty.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why hysterectomies happen to her and hernias happen to him?

'Hyster' refers to the womb; hernias happen to all sexes.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why they call them buildings? Shouldn't they be called builts?

No.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

What's another word for thesaurus?

I don't know of a single word, but you could make it longer if you liked.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

What's another word for synonym?

Again, as previous answer.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

What did they go back to before they invented drawing boards?

Dude, hella repetitious now.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Is it possible to have a civil war?

Civil having the same root as civilian, civic etc. 'Civil', meaning social decency, probably refers to unspoken conventions of respect.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Because lingerie is about lust - primarily visual.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why aren't hemorrhoids called asteroids?

In English, we say 'haemarrhoids' - the 'haem' referring to blood, rhoid meaning clotted (I think).

Originally Posted by atari 2600

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is this a hostage situation?

No. It would if he threatens to kill only one of the personalities, but only in a metaphorical sense. It would rightly be considered suicides, as it's the body, rather than the mind, which infers the complete human.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless?

More important, it's probably dead.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Are animal crackers made of meat? If so, then no.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why the alphabet is in that order?

Wasn't always so - but I believe there's some Roman documents explaining this.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

What do batteries run on?

They don't 'run' on anything. They are a source of energy, released through positive and negative poles.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

My 7 year old niece would appreciate her shit joke back, please.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

What keeps electricity in the wall?

The high impedence of the plastic on the cables.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

Because their pelt is still live.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to talk?

No - a mime is perfectly capable of speaking and should, as such, be treated the same as anyone else. If anything, they should be shot on sight.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why is the word "abbreviation" so long?

Again, it describes its concept perfectly.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

What do you do if you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

Tightly control the conditions affecting both.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Is it possible to be totally partial?

Ah. I have no decent response to this.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

Presumably, self-contained boxes.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

Do 'they'? If so, I'd imagine it's a case of good practice being more important than specifics of that practice.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

Again, putrefaction is ongoing.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Did they? Again, good practice.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

Because pipers don't have ears of shit.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?

Because it has many component parts.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

What is the speed of dark?

A question for theorists of dark matter, I feel - dark is the absolute absence of light, and it's harder to judge something that is than something that isn't.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Who was the first person to eat an oyster?

Abraham Lincoln.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

Because gruntled is not a generally recognised term.

Originally Posted by atari 2600

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

The drawing board.

Aww. I miss Atari.

[floatingslowly]

I suspect that even atari would feel enlightened by your #^%*%-like breakdown of his ponderings.

I'd rep you for the endeavour; however, sadly, I've neg repped you too much. please enjoy faux-reps, you brainy cunt.

[EVOLghost]

fantastic. I'll read teh rest of yer responses tomorrows.

[the ikara cult]

haha

If he doesnt come back for this he never will

[the ikara cult]

[quote=atari 2600]How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Michael Parkinson knows

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

Cos babies are hell

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

television is a medium, a movie is a production. You cant be in a medium

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Natural bloody human curiosity, the bastards

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

That would be the insanely unreliable system of democracy

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Come to England, we dont have rooms

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

The lexicography is lost amongst the all consuming flavour

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Yes

What disease did cured ham actually have?

Lack of imagination

Why do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

Never tasted it

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always clear?

Our old friend the refraction of light

Why do they call them "Free Gifts"? Aren't all gifts free?

As a selling point you silly silly thing

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Casimir NoMatress Day

Where do forest rangers go to "Get away from it all"?

A Corner

Whatever happened to Preparation A through G?

Supercesesssion

If a cow laughed hard, would milk come out of her nose?

Sexist Pig, er cow

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?

Bacon demands it

When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up...what did he go back to?

The wanking board

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

It depends how sassy they are. Unsassy people are murdered, sassy peolpe are assasinted

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

911 was an inside job

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

Its trying to read your mind, and in doing so has become very confused

Why don't women put pictures of their missing husbands on beer cans?

Beer-Can / Baaacon

If we're here to help other people, what are the other people here for?

Violent pornography

Why is it called "after dark" when it is really "after light"?

Refraction of light again, you really must do some science

Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

American

Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

Because Emily Matliss makes you cum with her hung parliment

Why do we say "Something is out of whack". What is a whack?

Its 2/5 of a goose

Why do "Tug" boats "Push their barges?

I give up

[the ikara cult]

[quote=Nefeli]Can you imagine a world with no hypothetical situations?

If me aunt had bollocks shed be me uncle. And she wouldnt exist.

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Silent F innit

If infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Grammatically poor

If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit?

ON it

Why you park on driveways and drive on parkways?

Ive never encountered either of those things

What's the difference between null and void?

There is no void hypothesis

Why hysterectomies happen to her and hernias happen to him?

Because women are in-her-antly hysterical

Why they call them buildings? Shouldn't they be called builts?

Structures, technically

What's another word for thesaurus?

Globbits

What's another word for synonym?

Temporospatiallexicalmutation

Is it possible to have a civil war?

I might have a Cybill War

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Women are bored

Why aren't hemorrhoids called asteroids?

Because they only exist in a dark, airless place.... oh

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is this a hostage situation?

Tell me

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless?

It doesnt care

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

I give up again