[uhler]

so i went up to nyc to see this girl that i was dating. well, she was acting a little weird. after the first day she said that she's scared because she likes me a lot and doesn't want to rush things and wants to take it slow.

i'm scared that she'll lose interest in me. i like her more than i liked anyone. the hardest part is taking things slow when i live in florida and she lives in nyc. i do plan on moving up there in june, but that's still three months away. most of the people that i talked to said when the girl says that we should take things slow it's nothing good. only one person said it's great news.

anyone have any advise?

[davenotdead]

pics of her

[uhler]

Originally Posted by Kegmama

You already are dealing with a long distance relationship, and don't plan to move to NYC for three months- how much slower does she expect it to go? Did you propose while visiting or something? How long have you two been together? I need a little more info to make a fair assessment.

since new years. no, she just brought it up out of nowhere. she said this is what it was like with her last bf and doesn't eant it to end that way and that her best relationships were with guys that she took things slow with.

[Toilet & Bowels]

also, how old are you guys? it's a whole different ballgame if you're 18 than if you're 30

[uhler]

Originally Posted by Toilet & Bowels

also, how old are you guys? it's a whole different ballgame if you're 18 than if you're 30

she's 23 and i'm 25 going on 26 this month.

[Glice]

-nse is usually the verb form; -nce, the noun.

Licence is the thing; license is the act.

See?

This seems to not apply to the American legal system.

[Toilet & Bowels]

23, that's tricky, girls at that age are prone to freak out about things getting too serious. just keep it slow, wait out the 3 months, keep in regular contact but not so regular that she feels suffocted. make sure you move to NY when you say you will otherwise she'll think you're a loser.

[uhler]

Originally Posted by Kegmama

Well, then hopefully she is just being open and honest and you should take her wanting to take it slow as a compliment and a testament to your relationship. If you have been able to make it work for the past couple of months, and if both of you are happy, then taking it slow is cool.

yeah, maybe i have been weirded out just because this came out of nowhere. thanks for the advise!

[uhler]

Originally Posted by Toilet & Bowels

23, that's tricky, girls at that age are prone to freak out about things getting too serious. just keep it slow, wait out the 3 months, keep in regular contact but not so regular that she feels suffocted. make sure you move to NY when you say you will otherwise she'll think you're a loser.

yeah, i'm going to let her mostly do the contacting.

[floatingslowly]

my name is Leon Phelps, and to those of you that are uninitiated, I am an expert in the ways of love.

I have made love to many fine ladies from the lowliest bus station skank to the classiest most sophisticated, educated, debutant, high society... bus station skank.

with this in mind, I ask you, does she still put out?

[Dead-Air]

Originally Posted by uhler

anyone have any advise?

I'd say take it slow.

That isn't meant to be a dis, but really you don't have any other particular choice aside from ending things, right?

So you are probably worrying if she lacks commitment and might see other guys while you are making your way up there. "Take it slow" probably means to her for you not to worry about that, either because: 1) she gets freaked out by people who worry too much about it or 2) she definitely wants to be able to do so. Either way, you are best off to not let it get to you and just wait and see how it turns out.

When you talk on the phone and online, talk about good places for you to live when you get there, not for you and her to live. Don't ask about who she was with when she did stuff unless she mentions it, and don't ask for details about who other people are unless she volunteers that stuff. Give her all the space she asks for and more while still sharing the stuff you have in common and the things you might do together when you're there.

When you show up, she may turn out to be the girlfriend you want to have, or she may not. If not, there are probably 50,000 other girls of interest in NYC for you to meet instead. If you are actually moving up there mostly because she lives there, you better make sure you'd want to live there if she didn't exist first. Which isn't being pesssimistic, it could still work out, but don't set yourself up for a huge let down if you really don't have any reason to be sure.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by uhler

so i went up to nyc to see this girl that i was dating. well, she was acting a little weird. after the first day she said that she's scared because she likes me a lot and doesn't want to rush things and wants to take it slow.

i'm scared that she'll lose interest in me. i like her more than i liked anyone. the hardest part is taking things slow when i live in florida and she lives in nyc. i do plan on moving up there in june, but that's still three months away. most of the people that i talked to said when the girl says that we should take things slow it's nothing good. only one person said it's great news.

anyone have any advise?

three months is nothing. hone your phone sex kungfu and you'll be fine.

if it was a longer time, i'd worry.

also you can have an intermediate visit maybe.

are you a good letter writer too?

you just wanna make sure that she doesn't feel lonely/forgotten in all this time, so she doesn't need to find consolation elsewhere. if she's fearful of getting hurt, reassure her.

whatever happens at the end man, just be sure it's memorable.

[radarmaker]

Listen to Dead-Air. Especially the last point. Good luck.

[atari 2600]

Sounds like she's ocupado with the BBD to me; but that's okay, for there are other fishes in the sea.

It may suck but you may realistically not have much control over the situation if you two aren't really connecting.

You should maintain friendly relations, visit again, and make sure to go out with her to a nightclub or bar and meet someone else while there next time. And then after the fact, remind her that since you are only friends, she should have no problem with it.

[uhler]

Originally Posted by atari 2600

Sounds like she's ocupado with the BBD to me; but that's okay, for there are other fishes in the sea.

It may suck but you may realistically not have much control over the situation if you two aren't really connecting.

You should maintain friendly relations, visit again, and make sure to go out with her to a nightclub or bar and meet someone else while there next time. And then after the fact, remind her that since you are only friends, she should have no problem with it.

we're connecting. it's not because (as far as i know, but she would tell me because she tells things straight up), we don't like each other. i'm just worried about this taking things slow and she'll lose interest in me. she told me she's not the girl that looks for guys and she's been single for almost a year.

[uhler]

Originally Posted by Dead-Air

I'd say take it slow.

That isn't meant to be a dis, but really you don't have any other particular choice aside from ending things, right?

So you are probably worrying if she lacks commitment and might see other guys while you are making your way up there. "Take it slow" probably means to her for you not to worry about that, either because: 1) she gets freaked out by people who worry too much about it or 2) she definitely wants to be able to do so. Either way, you are best off to not let it get to you and just wait and see how it turns out.

When you talk on the phone and online, talk about good places for you to live when you get there, not for you and her to live. Don't ask about who she was with when she did stuff unless she mentions it, and don't ask for details about who other people are unless she volunteers that stuff. Give her all the space she asks for and more while still sharing the stuff you have in common and the things you might do together when you're there.

When you show up, she may turn out to be the girlfriend you want to have, or she may not. If not, there are probably 50,000 other girls of interest in NYC for you to meet instead. If you are actually moving up there mostly because she lives there, you better make sure you'd want to live there if she didn't exist first. Which isn't being pesssimistic, it could still work out, but don't set yourself up for a huge let down if you really don't have any reason to be sure.

thanks! that's very good advise.

[█████████]

i prefer to think you're not being serious.

[ZEROpumpkins]

Originally Posted by davenotdead

pics of her

Yup

[uhler]

Originally Posted by █████████

i prefer to think you're not being serious.

what do you mean? that i'm not serious about her? or i'm not being serious? if it's the latter, i am serious and i think i'm allowed to bring up one personal situation on this board. i think every 500 posts you should be given a pass alloewing this.

[uhler]

Originally Posted by ZEROpumpkins

Yup

i'm not going to put up pictures of her on this messageboard. that's just creepy.