[girlgun]

for the last 3 nights, my 11-year-old son has come into my room crying after he's gone to bed with questions about death. i decided a couple of nights ago after talking to him that he was at a disadvantage because he wasn't raised with any sort of religion (because most kids are. they know that when they die they go to heaven where they will meet their other dead loved ones which is a sort of comfort to them). i don't feel wrong or bad for not raising him like that.. but when a kid who isn't raised like that can't sleep because he's worried that when we die "we're dead like scientists say" and he'll "never see the people he loves again"... i'm not sure what to say. he wants answers and i can't give them to him. i reminded him that i was agnostic.. but i definitely believe that everything has a soul or life force or energy... and that i believe death is only hard for the ones left behind (because they miss the deceased) and not for the one who dies.

last night i had a dream that someone tapped me on the shoulder while i was having a conversation with another person. i turned around and looked at him. i knew him, but i couldn't figure out who he was. then i realized it was my uncle (my mom's younger brother/only sibling). the reason i didn't recognize him was because he looked like he did when i was very little and he was very young. he said "i just wanted to say hi" and i said "hello!" ... and that's all i remember or all that happened.

my sister called me this morning to tell me my uncle died last night. i wasn't terribly close to him, but needless to say i was very freaked out about the dream. and also found it very odd that i had been having these conversations with my boy for the last few nights (and of course i feel terrible for my mom and grandmother).

i'm really weirded out. anyone had a similar experience? i have heard a million similar stories in the past, but i never took them too seriously. sorry for the length of this post.

[MellySingsDoom]

I had some weird dreams about my grandfather before he passed away....there is a certain synchonicity between "dream" life and "real" life, I feel...

[Derek]

My friend had a dream that her music teacher was absent because she had foot surgery and it actually happened the next day!

Maybe not on the same level as your story but still a weird coincidence.

She also dreamed that she got ran over, but that's not happened yet.

[girlgun]

Originally Posted by MellySingsDoom

I had some weird dreams about my grandfather before he passed away....there is a certain synchonicity between "dream" life and "real" life, I feel...

yeah? did anything happen to you on the night of his death?

I dreamed that my grandpa is dead. one week before he died in real life. but I not only dreamed it I felt it all the time, but wasnt aware of it, till he died. it was strange. but managed to share a lot time with him the last days.

[MellySingsDoom]

girlgun - A usual case of insomnia, but 2 nights before he died, I dreamt me and him were chatting outside his house (he had a massive stroke in 2000, so was in a nursing home - I hadn't had a proper convo w/him since 2000) - I awoke, puzzled, couldn't get back to sleep, and then he passed on.....weird....

[gmku]

You might just tell your son that death is a mystery, even to scientists and clerics, because nobody can know what really happens until they die. Maybe also tell him that for many people the reality of death can make life seem richer and fuller--knowing we'll die means we must live fully and in a meaningful way with the time we have. Or maybe that's too heavy for an 11-year-old?

[girlgun]

Originally Posted by al shabbray

I dreamed that my grandpa is dead. one week before he died in real life. but I not only dreamed it I felt it all the time, but wasnt aware of it, till he died. it was strange. but managed to share a lot time with him the last days.

that's actually very lucky.

[!@#$%!]

i don't mind the length but those solid paragraphs get me cross-eyed.

anyway, sounds like you were in some kind of twilight zone-- in any case, the question is how to explain death to the kid, no?

i dont know what to say, but i'm sure there's some kind of book on the matter-- the atheist parent manual or something of that sort.

[girlgun]

Originally Posted by MellySingsDoom

girlgun - A usual case of insomnia, but 2 nights before he died, I dreamt me and him were chatting outside his house (he had a massive stroke in 2000, so was in a nursing home - I hadn't had a proper convo w/him since 2000) - I awoke, puzzled, couldn't get back to sleep, and then he passed on.....weird....

that's so weird. why? why does it happen?

gmku... that's what i told him, but that doesn't really alleviate his fears.

Originally Posted by girlgun

that's actually very lucky.

yes, it was. but It just made sense afterwards. i think I was sharing that time because I knew that there wont be much left. I acted like that without knowing really why, till he died

the strange thing is that at that point I thought he will get sane again, cause it was his 8th heart attack and I thought when he dies hen NOT by a heart attack cause he survived them all

[girlgun]

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

i don't mind the length but those solid paragraphs get me cross-eyed.

anyway, sounds like you were in some kind of twilight zone-- in any case, the question is how to explain death to the kid, no?

i dont know what to say, but i'm sure there's some kind of book on the matter-- the atheist parent manual or something of that sort.

every sentence needs to be separated by a space? cannot accomodate.

[gmku]

There might not be much else you can do then. Like the rest of us, he'll have to deal with it. But watch him to see that it doesn't become overwhelming.

[MellySingsDoom]

girlgun - I wish I knew, me matey, I really do...

[gmku]

If he starts going all Goth on you, don't over react. It's just a phase.

[girlgun]

Originally Posted by gmku

There might not be much else you can do then. Like the rest of us, he'll have to deal with it. But watch him to see that it doesn't become overwhelming.

i told him that he needs to figure out what he thinks/feels, but before bed isn't the proper time if he's going to get so worked up. i told him that everyone has to find their own way of dealing with it and it's a very personal thing, but we can talk about it all he wants.

although he heard me tell my dream story to my sis this morning and therefore feels a lot more confident that we aren't just organic "machines". on the other hand, i don't want him to think that my opinions on the matter are necessarily the right ones. i want him to decide for himself.

[EMMAh]

I'm sorry for your loss

That's pretty fucked up Girl Gun, I've never had anything like that happen to me before. I've only ever lost one person though.

As for your son, I don't know what I would tell him. I wasn't raised with any kind of religion either, but I've never been really fearful of death. I guess I would just tell him that he's not going to die for a long time, so there's no need to worry. How a kid would take that (if he took it at all) I'm not sure.

[girlgun]

i told him that too, emmah. i told him that we were all still very young. i was scolded by my BFF though. he told me that it's bad to tell him that because anyone can die at anytime for no fucking reason at all. and it's true. i told him i just wanted my boy to be able to sleep.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by girlgun

every sentence needs to be separated by a space? cannot accomodate.

better!

anyway i found you some crap. some might be helpful, some might not:

http://atheistnewsandviews.com/Athei..._His_Children/

http://www.ethicalatheist.com/forum/...pic.php?t=1817

this requires registration:

http://richarddawkins.net/forum/view...php?f=52&t=636

[milkbubble]

insane